What We Should NOT Teach Black Children About Racists and Racism

Posted: March 31, 2016 in Uncategorized

I ran across this on a Facebook page and thought it was worth posting here as a lesson in what black adults, parents, teachers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and older cousins should NEVER do.

fake ass post on wendy's facebook page

February 15 ·

Stopped to get dinner for my son and the guy behind us in the drive-thru yells to my son, “Hurry up fucken nigger!” When I got to the window I asked to pay for his order. I wrote this on the back of his receipt and asked the cashier to hand it to him with his food. My son asked me why I paid for his food if he was mean, I explained that being nice to nice people is easy, you have to be nice to mean people, that’s the hardest thing to do.

The wrongheadness of this critical “teaching moment” reminds me of a truism that I’ve repeated many times on my blog.

No one respects ANYONE who does not respect themselves.

Try to imagine someone you know–at work or socially–who is always trying to please or impress someone else who clearly does not like them.

At best, you pity them.

At worst, you despise them.

But the one thing they will NEVER do is get your respect.

Or the respect of the person whose favor they are trying to win.

Did this black mother actually believe the white male who called her son a “nigger” is going to be changed by her gesture? Is he going to stop being a racist because of a free fast-food meal?

We must STOP TEACHING OUR CHILDREN to seek approval from ANYONE–male, female, black or non-black–who does not treat them correctly. 

And it starts with teaching them to VALIDATE THEMSELVES instead of looking to other people and material things to do it.

We have to lead by example by reducing OUR psychological dependence (due to our own low self-esteem) on luxury cars, clothes, jewelry, purses, shoes, rims, and other things that are literally bankrupting us — that have NOTHING TO DO with our value as human beings.

The sad part is had this been another black person, say another black female who said,  “Hurry up fucken black bitch!” — it is highly doubtful this black mother would have offered to pay for her meal. And the comment probably would have escalated into an argument or a physical confrontation.

Which reveals another glaring truth–if I am correct.

Her gesture had LESS to do with being a “Christian,” and more to do with WHITE VALIDATION — pleasing, appeasing, appealing, bowing, and begging whites to accept us, like us, and approve of us.

She is teaching her son the same fatal lesson that has led many of our black male and female youth into SETTING THEMSELVES UP TO BE ABUSED by those whites and non-whites whose validation they seek.

This abuse to has led to a growing epidemic of mental illness, self-hatred, drug abuse, anti-social behaviors, anti-blackness, confusion, sexual exploitation, rage, and suicide among black youth.

And increases their rage and lack of respect toward black adults for NOT equipping them with the tools of psychological survival in an often hostile white world.

What would have been a correct response in my opinion?

To turn to her son and say, “The white man who just called you a nigger is not ignorant, he is a racist/white supremacist. He knows exactly what he is doing.”

Then she should roll up the window and drive away to put distance between herself and her son and a potentially violent racist. And once they got home safely, she would have an INFORMED conversation with her son about racism/white supremacy.

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  1. GemGirl says:

    Well-said! Completely agree with you. Turning the other cheek is not always the best approach. Self-respect and boundaries truly do matter!

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ GemGirl

      Absolutely. They do matter, but the saddest part to me is would she have shown as much “compassion” for a black person who cursed at her son? I highly doubt it.

      I believe a HUGE part of the problem is the EXCESSIVE TV AND MOVIE WATCHING that leads us to BLIND ourselves to white racism — or to not want to deal with it appropriately.

      Most of what we watch is white people being smart, kind, loving, clever, industrious, and sometimes troubled in a touching kind of way. Think about all the white images that we absorb in the course of one year while watching movies and our favorite TV shows. Most of the images are POSITIVE.

      We watch Dr. Phil with an endless stream of sad (and phony) white people–especially white women–who sob endlessly on the stage, a STAGE PLAY designed to make white unhappiness the most important thing in the world.

      Think about the last time you saw a black person cry and gain any sympathy on TV?

      These images are NOT BY ACCIDENT

      So who is more capable of eliciting kindness from a black person? You got it. A white person. And this leads to us having a TON of sex with white people, often to our own detriment.

      Now, look at most black images. It’s a repeat of the 1930s minstrel shows and slave movies. Endless bucking our eyes, stomping around, singing and dancing and talking “jive’ and talking STUPID and acting like everything is hilarious

      Laughing, jiving, shuffling, and dancing, and always acting a FOOL.

      Movies like “Fifty Shades of Black” and the “New Barbershop” and “Big Momma” and “Norbit” and TV shows like “Empire” – disguised as entertainment that do NOTHING but degrade and dehumanize us, or we’re gangbanging and being criminals and thugs, or we’re cursing out our baby’s daddy on Maury and Jerry Springer and on and on and on.

      One day I did an experiment. I turned on a Tyler Perry bufoonery sitcom and turned off the sound.

      All I saw were black people bucking their eyes, stomping around, falling down, and laughing with their heads rolled back. And I said, oh my God, is this what we’ve been reduced to — AGAIN?

      After a year of that who really could like or truly respect black people? Or themselves?

      Even our grandmothers and grandfathers in their WORST days wouldn’t have supported these images. But today’s blacks will sit in these expensive theater seats and throw down handfuls of greasy, artery-blocking popcorn for the privilege of watching ourselves being degraded.

      We pay hundreds of dollars for cable, and buy the most expensive phones on the market so we can watch “TV” and movies endlessly instead of picking up a book. And tragically, we allow our children to engage in this madness and then at the end of the day,

      who are we? Who have we been trained to be? Who have we been trained to look up to? Who have we been trained to value and respect?

      We might pretend we respect and value each other


      And I know I am wasting my time posting this but I do it anyway. The bottom line is black mothers like this will continue to do what they do. Black people will continue to stick our heads in the sand and hope we “get through this” increasingly hostile white society and we will go to the polls and vote for a white woman who hasn’t done ONE THING FOR BLACK PEOPLE and in fact, who has DEVASTATED people of color all around the world — who laughed at the assassination of an African leader and has the nerve to come to black churches with that blood on her hands

      and we will smile and be thrilled by any sign of attention white people throw our way

      Because we want to believe in the goodness of white people.

      What we have absorbed through our ENDLESS TV AND MOVIE watching has literally trashed our brains and our ability to REASON and RESPECT ourselves.

      And it led to a black mother in the year 2016 to teach her black son–in a white supremacist society that murders boys like him for fun–to buy food and put a “heart” on a note for a white man who just called him a “fucken nigger.”

      • GemGirl says:

        Indeed, the additional insights you offer are on target. Black people have been trained via media to accept a benevolent image of whites while generally taught to view themselves and each other in a negative light. Thank goodness more people are waking up and inspecting the programming more closely so they can heal their own psyche and behave differently. I truly believe black people treating each other with more compassion is one path to liberation because our energy won’t be tied up in defending ourselves all the time.

        This could free up psychological energy to really resist white supremacy, while recognizing that it is not possible for us to change white people since they are heavily invested in maintaining privileges. Whites must change themselves and each other, and I do believe that just as there are black people at different levels of consciousness and commitment to change, the same applies to white people. At least that has been my experience based on real life observations, actions and outcomes that go beyond what diverse people are “theoretically” capable of.

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ GemGirl

          who said: “I truly believe black people treating each other with more compassion is one path to liberation because our energy won’t be tied up in defending ourselves all the time. ”

          I also agree that white people are heavily invested in maintaining a system of privilege and that they must change themselves.

          However, I would caution black people to not wait on this change but to work on freeing ourselves psychologically.

        • GemGirl says:

          I do want to point out one thing that I believe we should be flexible about. There is room for all kinds of images of black people just as there is room for all kinds of images about whites and other people. The problem is when we are oversaturated by certain images that skew negative. I support people like Tyler Perry whom I think is doing well by offering a nice range of what he is capable of, varying in both comedic and dramatic genres. So rather than compare or complain about images created by his body of work, other blacks (writers and filmmakers) should step up and offer their own creative works. This can provide the balance we all would benefit from, because the reality is that there is nothing wrong with some forms of entertainment for relief only. We do not always have to be bogged down in heavy duty content to be conscious black people.

          Humor is a good thing, an important aspect of liberation just as how we deal with anger internally. I saw a really positive example of a Tyler Perry sitcom where they addressed domestic violence. The cast of the show make comments after the episode, in ways that were very impressive. So I am on the bandwagon of cheering for both Tyler and Oprah due to the overall good work they do. I don’t feel black people have a right to complain about what these and other blacks with media companies are doing. We need to respect their intelligence and accept their limitations, like all of us have. No need to expect perfection from blacks in the public view, so rather than focus on what we assume they “should” be doing, let’s appreciate the ways they currently help uplift the image of blacks. I believe those who want to criticize what other black people are doing or not doing should step up and fill in the gaps. No need to engage in pettiness by comparing themselves to other blacks in media, and only finding fault in others.

          • Trojan Pam says:

            @ GemGirl

            I agree that there is nothing wrong with humor. However, when people are waging a vicious war against us, we cannot afford to spend most or all of our free time being entertained, especially when that entertainment degrades us.

            I wrote a post last month about Hollywood and the entertainment industry being a cult. That is my belief, and that is why I do not cheer or praise entertainers of any stripe. I understand that they are being used to promote white supremacy and I have seen few to no exceptions.

            This idea that black people can make movies and TV shows that go against what the most powerful whites in Hollywood want to portray is in my opinion, unrealistic. In fact, whenever a show HUMANIZES us, it is usually pulled off the air (Frank’s Place, Roc, etc. Remember when the TV father on Good Times protested the buffoonery of “JJ” he was killed off the show?

            Even when it comes to rap music, the artists that tried to create positive rap were frozen out and the “gangsta rappers” with their anti-black, anti-black female lyrics were promoted as successful role models for black youth. It was no accident that the positive rappers couldn’t get record deals or get their music played. Just like there are independent black filmmakers who can’t get their movies in theaters or in distribution chains.

            That is why I stress why it is so important to understand HOW the white supremacy system functions. Otherwise, we will not be able to develop REALISTIC STRATEGIES to defeat it.

            I once knew a black female TV writer who wrote about how black writers could not get their scripts produced. One black director told her in private that HE WAS TOLD he could not cast any women darker than Gabrielle Union. And if you look at the vast majority of dark skinned black females in TV and Hollywood if they are not obese, or ignorant, or violent, or portray a “mammy-type” figure, they do NOT EXIST.

            I will continue to criticize those things that I feel are detrimental to black people. For those who disagree with all or part of what I write, we can agree to disagree. Hopefully, we can still learn something from each other.

      • Sharon53 says:

        Regarding your statements “We might pretend we respect and value each other. But the evidence of how we treat each other does not bear this out.”
        I agree wholly with those statements and something I have increasingly noticed over the years is how so many black people, after mistreating another black person, will make a comment to the victim that “I did that to you because you let me.” In other words, they are blaming the victim. Not sure if you ever hear that but I just started hearing that over the last 30 years. I believe a lot of that stems from the teachings in those prosperity/word faith churches because that was the first place I heard that as I once attended a church like that. The minister actually said ‘if you are going through a hard time, it is because you have allowed it.’ Needless to say, I stopped attending that church because that is false doctrine. Once this madness infiltrates the church, where can you turn if you can’t turn to the house of the Lord. Some will even try to rationalize their behavior by trying to make a comparison and state that some other person did not ALLOW them to mistreat them but the victim did. That is because they have people they look up to and people they look down. That is sinful behavior also, because anytime you look down on another person or even look up to another person, you are not looking up to God. I have actually seen people do something behind another person’s back and still blame the victim as if that person could read his or her mind. That is just how far out to lunch some of us are now. But guess what, I have never known any of us to try that with a white or any other non-black person.

        • Courtney H. says:

          @ Sharon53:

          Thank you so much for this comment. I have noticed this attitude as well. I agree that if we see this behavior in the church, then we are seriously doomed. It is a Calvinist attitude (French theologian John Calvin). The attitude in Middle Ages Europe was that if you were prosperous, then you did something good, but if you were poor, then you were a bad person. This attitude was popular in the 80s with the so-called Moral Majority, too.

          I agree also that the victim-blaming has to stop. This is very common with the issue of bullying. The bullied child gets blamed, while excuses are made for the bullies (poor neighborhood, abuse, etc.). This attitude has to stop.

          @ Sharon53 & everybody: I know that this is a little OT, but I wonder if you have heard about his case. Warning — some of these videos contain profanity.

          Any comments? Enjoy! 😀

          • Timothy says:

            @Sister Courtney

            Good Afternoon Sister.

            I have listened to 3 videos about the burglar being killed by one woman. Harvey, the video with another Brother with a radio show, and the women in the videos have similar views on this issue. My views are the following. The burglar should have never go into another person’s house in the first place. Stealing property from an innocent person is wrong. Trespassing on another person’s home without permission is wrong. So, the criminal is totally wrong. The relatives of the trespasser are more concern with defending crime than defending integrity. That is disappointing. I believe that reasonable people from across the political spectrum (whether liberal or conservative) would agree with the woman having the right to defend her property. Racists would demonize black people regardless, so we should just speak the truth to power. I believe that any law abiding person has the right to own a gun. I don’t believe that criminals or those with severe mental illness should own a gun.

            There should be the combination of improving our communities and promoting morality for black people and fighting for economic justice. Black people need jobs, economic power, and political power independently. What the women did to defend her life should not be demonized in my opinion. I don’t believe in calling black people derogatory names, because of the obvious reasons. Yet, no one should defend that actions of a trespassing criminal who wanted to steal property from an innocent woman. Right now, there is an investigation going on and we shall see what the future holds. More facts will come out. All 3 videos are emotional and we certainly have to confront issues internally in our community. Also, it is important to note that black people for years and decades have fought against intraracial crime (regardless of what far right white people say). I believe in intervention to address economic inequality, but there is not excuse for crime against innocent people. The videos have many relevant points that folks should digest in an analytical fashion. Innocent, law abiding black poor people should never be lumped into criminals (who are doing evil actions in our community). Structures of society must change. There must be a radical change where discrimination, sexism, and other injustices are abolished. It is hypocrisy for the powers that be to send record bailouts and tax breaks to the super wealthy while the poor are demonized in such offensive ways. Harvey is right to expose Donald Trump who believes in torture, who believes that no Muslims (even Muslims who are American citizens who want to go into America) should not go into America, and who supports no increase of the minimum wage. We believe in anti-imperialism and true black liberation.

            Thank you for showing the three videos Sister 🙂

            • Courtney H. says:

              @ Brother Timothy & Sister Sharon53:

              Thank you for watching the videos and commenting. I agree with both of your statements:

              As a former high and middle school teacher, I’ve seen the results of the lack of accountability among our youth. Parents/guardians don’t teach their kids values/morals anymore. When kids clown in school, it’a always the teacher’s fault.

              You’re right; when a person found outside the home and you shoot that person, it is murder. I understand in this case, the boy was crawling out a window.

              I agree that we need to stop making excuses for our kids when they do something wrong. I guess people figure that since White people make excuses for their kids, we can do it, too, but we can’t because they can get away with it and we can’t. I don’t want us to be like that, anyway.

              Again, thanks for watching g the videos and responding.

          • Sharon53 says:

            @Courtney H.
            Thanks for your comments when you stated “this is very common with the issue of bullying. The bullied child gets blamed, while excuses are made for the bullies (poor neighborhood, abuse, etc.). This attitude has to stop.”
            Sadly, this immature, destructive behavior is practiced among adults as well.
            I will watch the 3 videos as soon as I can.

            • Courtney H. says:


              I agree with you that bullying is serious among adults, unfortunately. It’s called harassment when adults do it. Thanks for your comments.

          • Sharon53 says:

            @Courtney H.
            I listened to all 3 videos and can’t believe my ears. I had not heard about this case but the homeowner had every right to defend her property regardless to what his family says. The nerve of them making comments that he needed money and seems to think everyone should understand his actions because he grew up in the hood. Maybe this why there is so much violence coming from some of our youth because they are not being held accountable enough for their actions.
            I am concerned about the homeowner being charged with murder, because it is not clear whether he was still inside the house or outside when shot. It just said something about him being shot crawling out of a window. There use to be a law, not sure if it is statewide, that says if the person is outside of the house when shot, then that is considered murder.

            • Timothy says:

              @Sister Sharon

              I agree with you. The family of the trespasser disrespected Trayvon Martin’s family by comparing a trespasser violating the law to Trayvon Martin (who was not violating the law and was just trying to go home. Trayvon Martin was stalked by a murderer and Trayvon was killed by a brute). There should always be accountability in any society. I hope that the homeowner can move forward with her life. In many states, there is the Castle doctrine that deals with defending one’s house. Some of the youth do act out of control and they need discipline and true instruction on how to act. Children need to respect law abiding, righteous adults.

          • Shanequa says:

            @ Courtney H
            Thanks for posting the video but this is the frame of mind our people are in protecting criminals. The relative made all types of excuses to be sorry for the criminal but not the victim. These type of black people are dangerous especially in the community because they do more harm then good.

      • Mariama says:


        It is always good to hear from you and understand your perspective. I know that I am going to say something that you will not like. After reading this, I could not help but be disgusted by the black mother’s reaction and actions. Bluntly put, I think that this was “Coonish.” And I never use this word. And like you said, I pity her and despise her (the victim) for this. What really agitates me is that I KNOW that she would not have done this if the perpetrator were black, especially a so-called young black male or female (from the hood esp). Some may disagree, but I just can’t see it. I know that I would have done what you mentioned which is give my child a little history lesson (which I have been doing). There is just no way that this kind of “Christian” behavior can be respected. I am sorry. This really gets under my skin because it almost seems insincere and like it is “kiss as#” kind of behavior. Right now, I am really irritated by this. And what makes it worse is that the mother post this on Facebook (another site that I have grown to dislike).

        There is just no way that a sane black person could do this. This is disheartening. At first, I thought it was a father who did this. I have a question for you and the other posters. How do you think a black father would have handled this situation?

        • Courtney H. says:

          @ Sister Mariama:

          Per your question, “I have a question for you and the other posters. How do you think a black father would have handled this situation?”, I would said that a Black father would have handled this VERY differently.

        • Timothy says:

          @Sister Mariama

          A strong black father, who knows about the truth, would respond in the situation in a different way. He will not send a note saying “I forgive you” when he has nothing to do with the actions of a brutish racist. We have a serious problem of people seeking white validation instead of human justice. Some people are brainwashed to lust after the ideologies and the agenda of white racists. Things should change. The only way things will change is a mental transformation among our community. Freedom is not just about economics or politics. Freedom is a transformation of the mind where we view each other as allies and act on unity. Righteous Action is better than compliance to evil. We desire mental liberation from social colonalism.

          • Mariama says:


            You are right. I could not imagine ANY black father in his right mind doing what this woman did. It would be extremely disheartening to think that any would. I love to hear your thoughts!

            • Timothy says:

              @Sister Mariama

              I agree with you Sister. No strong black father would react in that way. We can be logical and not acquiesce to evil. A racist is never superior to a strong black man and a strong black woman. We believe in justice and community development. The only way where justice can exist fully is when we develop a strong consciousness where we not only love camaraderie, but we believe in integrity too. I always enjoy listening to your thoughts too. We are in a fight for our survival. We have to study demographics, history, culture, STEM fields, and other subjects in order for us to get a clearer picture of how the world works. One of the biggest issues in our community is poverty and lax economic power. There should be a unity among black people from across classes to address poverty and economic injustice. There should be honest conversations among black people to heal the relationships between black men and black women. We all have to be honest in the realm of love, so we can heal. This is a long process, but it is a process worth pursuing. We want any upright black person to succeed and to grow in their lives.

  2. Providence says:

    Ugh…. stories like this make me shake my head in utter disgust 😦
    I’m curious if this young man’s father was in his life.
    Because something tells me a MAN wouldn’t stand for his son tolerating blatant DISRESPECT like this.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Providence

      Good question, but sadly, I have watched the SAME behavior from black males toward white racism. Remember the white boy who killed all those black people in that church last year?

      What was the first thing that black MALE preacher said?

      “I forgive you (white man).”

      Males and females have the same disease that makes us value forgiving and loving white people more than we love or forgive each other

      It is BUILT into the system of white supremacy and reinforced by the white supremacist entertainment industry.

  3. maat433 says:

    I’m petty. I would have just sat there right in that line and ate my food. That freak would have had to get out of his car or line to get some food.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ maat433

      I understand your response but I would strongly, strongly advise against it.

      You have your small son with you. You don’t know WHO that white man is or if he is alone or if he’s packing a weapon. He may be looking for an opportunity.

      And that is part of having the CORRECT response to racism. Understanding that you have to always keep your wits about you and THINK about the consequences before you act.

      Like the numerous young black people last year who had police confrontations and died as a result. We do NOT teach our children ANY tools for survival. There is no time to do that when the TV and DVD players and cell phones are always on.

      Our goal in encountering a dangerous racist–in or out of uniform–should always be to SURVIVE ANOTHER DAY. And we need to teach our children the difference between being a coward and being wise.

      • maat433 says:

        I was being facetious so I understand what you are saying..but eventually surviving for another day leads to inertia and then sheer docility like we see today in most of our people. It’s like we don’t even try to fight back except in the manner they allow. We are dealing with predatory cowards. As long as there are no consequences for their actions they will continue to slaughter us like animals. I just get tired of black people always in the defensive posture. We are always taking crap and asking for more and have taught our children to EXPECT maltreatment. This is a sickness. Let’s be honest about that. We all understand the whys and the hows but when the hell are we as a collective going to get tired enough to do something instead of just talking? The last mass movement was more than 60 years ago…it’s overdue, I think. It’s like we are always trying to make our prison cell or our slave quarters more ‘comfortable’…and as soon as the system throws more commissary privileges at us or allows us a few extra viddles or scraps of food..we are placated..

  4. Timothy says:

    The white racist is a disgrace. The common misconception among some is that racists are just ignorant and have no conception of tolerance. The truth is that white racists know exactly what they are doing and many of them know the truth about black power, black history, the power of melanin, etc. They just don’t care and express their vile, vindictive actions because they have a totally anti-human nature. Black people are the original hue-mans on Earth. You have made great points Sister, especially about black youth being educated on the system of racism/white supremacy. Kids need to realize that respect is never about acquiescing to whiteness or to white power. Respect is understanding our inner value as black people, standing up for the truth, and respecting black people in an honorable way. Respect is also about never tolerating disrespect against us. Material items will fade over time, but our legacies, our ideologies, and our actions will stretch for future generations. That is why is it is very imperative for us to make sure that our wisdom and our resources are passed down to our future black generations. We should never beg for a white person for our freedom or for our approval, because begging to someone else leaves out our right to execute our own self-determination to create our own independence destinies as black human beings. The slavery mentality is real and some of our people are literally brainwashed by TV, social media, and cultural exploitation. When someone eliminates psychological propaganda and meditate plus focus on loving themselves and their people, then enlightenment flourishes. That is what we want. We want black people to see the beauty in themselves, so they can be apt to work together as one community. We want true justice.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Timothy

      Like Dr. Fuller once said. “You can’t make anyone respect you. What matters is do you respect yourself.”

      That black mother couldn’t change that white man. But she did have the power to have a teaching moment with her black son.

      And when and if he brings a white woman home because he has been taught to need white validation in all circumstances, she will be heartbroken

      Or, maybe, she’ll be pleased. You never know how deep one’s psychological trauma is in a system like this.

      • Timothy says:

        @Sister Trojan Pam

        Exactly Sister. Power is important. Some people view real power for black people in a negative way, which is false. Power is positive when used in the right way. We have to respect ourselves and not express a concern if anyone else doesn’t respect us. The black mother and her son was disrespected by a racist and the mother should teacher her black son about the real world as it relates to race and injustice. Psychological hurt is complex and many of our people want to bow down literally to the same people whose ancestors centuries ago lynched, raped, and oppressed our black ancestors. Another myth is that the white woman is the paragon of beauty and that IRs are superior to Black Love. Black Love is Beautiful and sacrosanct.

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ Timothy,

          I agree that there are all forms of power. Black people are not as powerful as whites in the material sense, but we have power that doesn’t require money or guns or material things. It is the power over self, the power over the things we choose to do and not do.

          There are so many ways black people can become more powerful.

          We can CHOOSE what we say to other people

          We can CHOOSE what entertainment we engage in

          We can CHOOSE who we share our bodies with

          We can CHOOSE what entertainers we support financially

          And the list is too long

          All the above have to do with either decreasing OR increasing our own self-respect.

          And until we gain power over SELF and learn how to weed out the negative things we have the POWER to eliminate, we need not talk about any other kind of power

          because it will just be a pipe dream

          • Sharon53 says:

            Great commentary! I especially liked the list you gave for helping us to become powerful. One in particular that stood out is “we can choose what we say to other people.” You may not realize it but you hit the hammer on the head with that one. Sometimes I forget and needs to be reminded about how powerful words are. They can make or break a person and that is why we should be mindful of what we say to people. The American idiom ‘loose lips sink ships’ is a powerful statement. Some people have no boundaries with their mouth and think they can say whatever they want all willy nilly and thinks somehow this makes them seem strong. Not so, there are many scriptures in the Bible that talks about how powerful words can be and how we should tame our tongues.
            It was a very profound statement when you said “All the above have to do with either decreasing OR increasing our own self-respect.”
            Speaking on self-respect, all that self-respect really is being true to our convictions because they define who we are.
            I agree with Mr. Fuller who said. “You can’t make anyone respect you. What matters is do you respect yourself.”

            Some people are so full of themselves that they think you have to earn their respect.
            Mr. Fuller also gave some very profound statements when he said ‘respect is something you give yourself and there is no other place to get it.’
            He also once stated that we confuse courtesy with respect and stated ‘If someone is discourteous to you, they are just being discourteous. …So if a person says something that is discourteous to you, you don’t have to say anything. You just get away from them.’

            I never really thought about it but he also said ‘in the last 20 or 30 years a lot of people have been getting killed over this thing called respect and it is nonsense because we don’t even know what it is.’
            He further stated ‘nobody can respect you. Anyone that can give you respect can take it away and you don’t want anybody to have that kind of power.’

            I am truly grateful for those wise brothers and sisters like him, Dr. Welsing and all my sisters and brothers on these blogs like you, Timothy, and all those others worth mentioning but the list is long :).

          • Epi says:

            I am going to “cut ‘n paste” these words and pass it on to as many of our people as I can. Sista Pam DID nail this one!

    • @ Timothy
      That was beautiful brother! You’re right,we want TRUE justice and TRUE liberation. We will accept nothing less.

      • Timothy says:

        @Kushite Prince

        Exactly Brother. We want nothing more than to live on this earth without racism and without injustice. We want black males and black females to live and to create their own institutions without the system of racism/white supremacy. Black women are the Mothers of human civilization and Black men are the Fathers of human civilization too. We want the growth of black families and integrity to flourish in our communities worldwide as we are an international black people.

  5. joe says:

    In keeping with the theme of this piece, can u pls listen too and speak on Dr. Barbara Sizemore – Black People still dont get it

  6. Sharon53 says:

    Great post Pam, as always. I think a lot of people are confused about what it means to turn the other cheek. Turning the other cheek, IMO, simply means not seeking revenge for an offense. It does not mean letting people trample on you as this racist did with the mother and son. The mother’s response to the bigot reminds me of what so many of us do when confronted with that type of bigotry and in some cases, hostility from other black people. We keep turning the other cheek (let others trample on us), and the more chances we give them to beat up on us, the less respect they will start to have for us. They will ignore any standards that you have set because they know you will always give them another chance. They actually get comfortable depending on you turning the other cheek. Sadly, I have seen some so-called Christians practicing this secular type of behavior. We must never let a person or group get that comfortable disrespecting us.
    By the way, I felt your comments on how to respond to the bigot was right on target.
    Another thing I would like to mention as I was reading the post, something came to mind about an encounter I had a drive-thru. The driver ahead of me was distracted by something and did not move with the flow of traffic. After a while, I tapped my horn and the vehicle moved forward. As we were nearing the window, I noticed it was another black woman in the vehicle who was looking in her rearview mirror at me with a scowl on her face that could kill. I had forgotten all about tapping my horn but obviously she did not like it.
    When I got up to the window to pay for my food, the cashier said the driver ahead of me paid for it. I smiled and thank the cashier but then I noticed the sister had stopped long enough to see my response, and she still had the scowl on her face. I really don’t think that was a random act of kindness coming from her. I believe she was trying to make some other point, using reverse psychology. Maybe she was trying to embarrass me or make me uncomfortable some other kind of way. It is hard to believe someone would be that annoyed by someone tapping their horn. I have been distracted before in certain situations and was happy someone reminded me by tapping their horn.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Sharon53

      That was a strange encounter, her paying for the food yet being angry at you.

      I can’t imagine what kind of point she was trying to make. It would have made no sense to me.

      I wonder if she saw that note on her Facebook page? I wouldn’t be the least surprised because it’s the kind of “I’m a better Christian than you are”: nonsense we are quick to circulate.

      (the next time I’m in line I’m going to curse somebody out or honk my horn and see if I get a free meal :-))

      • Sharon53 says:

        @Trojan Pam
        @Kushite Prince.
        Thanks for your comments. You stated “I can’t imagine what kind of point she was trying to make.” Perhaps like you said, it may have been the “I’m a better Christian than you are” foolishness, or she may have been one of the “…many black people who has that “kill them with kindness” mentality” that you and Kushite Prince spoke of in your posts. In reality, she was not exhibiting Christian behavior nor was she being kind.

        • Epi says:

          Indeed Sharon. I think that her behavior (like a lot of other “fake” Christians) vacillated from sardonic to sarcastic. Kindness was NOT the end result that she sought, more like “one upmanship,” a disease that many of our people carry. Sad.


          • Sharon53 says:

            You are correct about the “one upmanship” disease so many of us have. She probably got some kind of boast for her sagging ego. If her goal was to outdo me as a Christian, she failed miserably because all that EGO basically stands for is Edging God Out (LOL).

    • Timothy says:

      @Sister Sharon53

      Your story is very common. A horn have saved lives, so it is unnecessary for one person to stare at you in an angry fashion. It is always important to stand on our principles and see that we want justice not vindictiveness. We desire peace among our black people.

    • reality_check says:

      No @sharon53.. turning the other cheek means setting yourself up to be the victim of the SAME violation without seeking retribution. That philosophy is completely illogical.

  7. I would have replied: “Shut up you filthy dog loving pedophile!”

  8. @Cynical Afrikan
    You never bite your tongue do you?lol I always appreciate your honesty. I admire that.

  9. @Trojan Pam

    “Her gesture had LESS to do with being a “Christian,” and more to do with WHITE VALIDATION — pleasing, appeasing, appealing, bowing, and begging whites to accept us, like us, and approve of us.”
    That’s it right there! You read my mind Pam. That’s exactly what I was thinking. It’s all about convincing whites that we are humans that deserve their respect. I gave up on that a loooooong time ago. These “people” will NEVER…I repeat NEVER see us as full human beings. They will never respect them as their equals. To do so is a waste of time and energy. It’s better to do something constructive with your time. I’m sure I can read that white racist mind:
    “That dumb nigger just paid for my lunch. Ha Ha Ha! Don’t they realize we will never accept them no matter how nice they try to be. Will these stupid niggers ever learn?”

  10. @Trojan Pam

    Another thing Pam,I think many black people fall for that “kill them with kindness” mentality. That needs to GO! That has gotten us nowhere. Being kind to an abuser? Trying to be kind to a slave master? That’s insane! That shows our mental illness is very DEEP! God help us!!

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Kushite Prince

      I have never agreed with the “kill them with kindness” UNLESS it’s being done from a position of strength, where you know who and what you’re dealing with AND have a second option in case the first doesn’t work

      Unfortunately, most of the time that is not the case when dealing with an outspoken racist. And it is generally a total waste of time to appeal to their better nature because there might not be one.

    • Mariama says:

      @Kushite Prince

      May God really help us! I agree with you. If blacks had this attitude towards each other, I wonder how far they would come as a collective. In a way, blacks who have this attitude seem like they are in great “fear” and are in a mode of survival. “I have to be nice to the man who keeps beating me and abusing me, so maybe one day he will wake up and love me for being so loyal!”

      • That is so true! That mentality needs to die! We will never move forward as a people otherwise. believe me,I feel what you’re saying.

      • Sharon53 says:

        Regarding the statement in your post above “I have to be nice to the man who keeps beating me and abusing me, so maybe one day he will wake up and love me for being so loyal!”
        Actually, when I was younger, people once advised young women that if they are patient and wait, an abusive man will grow to appreciate it. Unfortunately, that never happened for me and I really don’t know of anyone else that it did. What I saw happening, was the more chances you gave abusive people, not only were you not appreciated, even worse, is they grew to expect your loyalty. Sadly, that’s how human nature works and that is why bigots like the one described in this post probably is some place now being rude to another black person.

  11. Courtney H. says:

    @ Everybody:

    This is somewhat related to this post:


    • Timothy says:

      @Sister Courtney

      Great link Sister.

      It is absurd that some people oppose an assignment that deals with exposing police brutality. Kids have every right to research about Black Lives Matter. When I was growing I researched about Malcolm X, Ellis Island, and television in middle school and high school. Police brutality is a national problem and we should teach the youth about survival and standing up for our human rights.

      Thank you for showing the link Sister. 😊

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Courtney H

      Will check out the link

  12. Rose Harrell says:

    I would have told my child, that piece of white filth is not human and that’s their natural behavior. It’s best to try to ignore them at all times even if or when they attempt to be nice.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Rose Harrell

      I understand your anger but I think we have to be careful about teaching our children to respond with anger when confronted by racism.

      We are, understandably, an emotional people who have suffered greatly under this system. And that is why we have to try to keep calm, keep our heads when dealing with a racist because our anger can and will be used against us

      When I think of all the young black people who have lost their lives in encounters with police because they lost their tempers, that must serve as a reminder that we must teach our children to keep their emotions under control and that the most important thing is making it home the same way they left.

      But, I do understand where you’re coming from

  13. Shanequa says:

    “We are not niggers. We forgive you enjoy your dinner.” This is the mentality of a slave that think their European master will eventually love them one day. Our people are suffering from post traumatic slave syndrome at a all time high. Black African people have been condition to turn the other cheek when we’re being physical or verbally attack. From the Civil Rights movements of our people being attack we kept a non violent frame of mind, still till this day our people are still protesting for justice that isn’t going to come until we stand up and physically fight back. I blame our black leaders of this non violent frame of mind because it got out people nowhere but coward slaves. The world knows that Black Africans are too afraid to fight back, but when we stand up & fight the world is afraid of us then ridicule us for being wrong for defending ourselves.

    P.S. Non black people in general live in fear of black people uniting & fighting back because it is there ending. The world will not heal until we are liberated from our oppression.

    • Courtney H. says:

      @ Shanequa:

      I agree. 🙂

    • Timothy says:

      @Sister Shanequa

      You made many great points. Many people believe in the lie that we have be passive to evil. Evil can only be defeated unless we fight evil. Self defense is a universal human right. Any human being has the right to build in their community and defend their right of self-preservation.

    • Epi says:

      Spot on! @ Shanequa.

      Excellent points. I’d like to add to your comments. I am aware that many (not all) of our black people, especially from differing geographical regions and cultures, do not perceive that we, as black people, share the same grievances when in fact we do. I have also noticed in different scenarios, that “foreign” blacks are viewed and sometimes treated differently than “American” blacks and vice-versa. And I do not believe that I am being hyper-sensitive about this for I have witnessed this scenario far too many times and with both groups a “herd” mentality in black communities including socially, politically, religion and the work-place setting.

      I honestly believe that there will be no “true” liberation for our black people, period, until there are attempts to understand the differing aspects of other black cultures with meaningful dialogue.

      However, Shanequa you are correct. WE would be awesome if we recognized our collective promise to self-determination to power to the 10th degree! Thank you.


  14. reality says:

    Great post! I just want to know how do you forgive someone when they never apologized in he first place? I wonder what that white man is thinking as he munches down on that free happy meal she gave him? I can only imagine it would be along the lines of “God these nigg*rs can’t get any dumber.?” That’s why I love calling them out on their racism, they don’t expect it ,they’re used to us taking it on the chin. NO MORE

  15. Epi says:

    George Zimmerman attacks Trayvon Martin’s parents in an explosive new interview

    George Zimmerman said the parents of Trayvon Martin “didn’t raise their son right,” and called the Black Lives Matter movement a “fraudulent, violent campaign” in a loaded interview with The Daily Beast published Tuesday.

    Zimmerman, who fatally shot 17-year-old Martin in February 2012 and was acquitted of second-degree murder the next year, told The Daily Beast that Martin’s mom and dad, Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin, are bad parents who are “capitalizing” on Trayvon’s death.

    Now, four years after the shooting, Zimmerman is auctioning off the gun he used to kill Martin.

    Despite the overwhelmingly negative attention and fake listings the auction has garnered — including a $65 million bid from a user named “Racist McShootface” — Zimmerman claims he has a firm offer with verified assets for $100,000.

    He added that auctioning off the gun is what the forefathers would do, although he says he originally wanted to keep it for his future children and grandchildren.

    Price of gun Zimmerman used to kill Trayvon Martin reportedly has skyrocketed to $65 million

    Zimmerman continued his verbal assault on the family whose son he killed, saying Martin “attacked a complete stranger and attempted to kill him,” Zimmerman said.

    “It’s their duty to have an internal dialogue to see what they should have done better and what they should have done appropriately.”

    The acquitted killer rattled off a number of grievances he wants to settle with funds from the gun sale, like countering Hillary Clinton’s “anti-firearm rhetoric.” He says he also wants to end the career of Angela Corey, the prosecutor who charged him with second-degree murder in Martin’s death.

    During his interview, Zimmerman also claimed he would “fight” the Black Lives Matter movement and compensate law-enforcement officers .

    “It is what was used to save my life from a near-death brutal attack by Trayvon Martin,” he said, he says were affected by it.

    “They would know that George Zimmerman is going to step in and make them richer than they ever dreamed of being.”

    Since his acquittal, Zimmerman has had multiple run-ins with police, and was, at one point, charged with aggravated assault involving a girlfriend.

    Worse, are the many racist comments from this article “praising” this murderer for killing an unarmed man because he was getting his a** kicked.

    These people are unreal…out.


  16. Kamutef says:

    VERY VERY VERY WELL SAID. I did not expect to read what I read. I thought this was going to be some, “Be humble black people” “Turn the other cheek”, ” Love the white man/devil”

  17. Trojan Pam says:

    @ Kamutef

    Oh no, there will be no politically correct speak on this blog.

    It is time for us to get serious and logical about this problem called racism/white supremacy and that means telling the “terrible truth” about it.

    I have lost all patience for any slave religion rhetoric. We must move past that

  18. Patrick Taylor says:

    Truth be told read the Willie Lynch Letter this is exactly what he spoke of and indoctrinated into the mind of the black woman without the black male to protect her! Reverse engineer this syndrome and you will have a strong black king who will not allow this kind of disrespect

    • Epiphaney says:

      @ Patrick Taylor:

      I would like to share this information with you, if I may?

      The William Lynch speech is an address purportedly delivered by a certain William Lynch (or Willie Lynch) to an audience on the bank of the James River in Virginia in 1712 regarding control of slaves within the colony.[1] It is considered to be a hoax. The letter purports to be a verbatim account of a short speech given by a slave owner, in which he tells other slave masters that he has discovered the “secret” to controlling black slaves by setting them against one another. The document has been in print since at least 1970, but first gained widespread notice in the 1990s, when it appeared on the Internet.[2] Since then, it has often been promoted as an authentic account of slavery during the 18th century, though its inaccuracies and anachronisms have led historians to conclude that it is a hoax.

      Perhaps more reading and research is in order here.

  19. Cc says:

    I agree on further research is needed, however, I’m more interested in a solution to its affect on people of color, for Mr. Lynch guaranteed the brainwashing of total destruction of men of color over a period of 1,000 years which has not arrived since his speech Now,tell me how this systematic process can be disrupted now?

    • Epiphaney says:

      @ Cc:

      What do you suggest might be done? /I am sure, that you, like other individuals have a thought or thoughts about this?


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