A BW asks: What should BW do who can’t find a decent BM?”

Posted: February 27, 2015 in Uncategorized

I received an email today from a young BW who said:

“I have notice many conscious black women I have talked too are having trouble finding decent black men. Its bad enough if we dated outside our race, but its black women that are in their late thirties want to have families but can’t find decent black men to start families with.

We have heard we can find good black men at the our jobs, social events and etc. but we are still not finding them anywhere. What should black women do who want to have children & start families, because their second option is to produce a family with a non black men. Especially when these black women are in their mid to late thirties.”

This wasn’t the first time I’ve received a question like this. Unfortunately,  I don’t have an answer or a solution that will immediately solve the problem. I’ve even heard a similar complaint from black males seeking an honorable black female they could marry and start a family with.

The one thing I won’t suggest we do–no matter how tempting it is–is to bash black males. The truth is our relationships have been damaged since we were brought to these shores as chattel slaves. And another truth is this is not a problem restricted to black people. The white divorce rate is OVER 50% and it would be higher if there weren’t children and money and property involved.

In fact, the black male/black female relationships are patterned after the DEFECTIVE WHITE EXAMPLE OF male/female relationships. Look at the battles going on between white males and white females, including the “women’s liberation movement,” and the rate of white spousal murder and domestic violence.

I wrote about the problems with BM/BW relationships in my second book, “Black Love Is A Revolutionary Act.”

But back to the email…

I do have some suggestions that won’t immediately produce a “good black man” or a black prince charming with a diamond ring and a marriage proposal in hand BUT there is something I think MUST BE DONE by black females IF we are to change the direction of black male/black female relationships.

Keep in mind that I am NOT bashing black females–who are the most mistreated females on the planet bar none–but we have to understand that we are PART OF THE PROBLEM. That means we are also PART OF THE SOLUTION to healing our relationships.

The biggest culprit, of course, is the SYSTEM OF RACISM/WHITE SUPREMACY that devastated our families, our self-respect and self-esteem over a period of 500 YEARS.  So, while we are busy throwing non-productive stones at each other, the next time we pick up another rock and take aim, we should remember:


Here’s my list of 10 things BW can and need to do — starting NOW:

1. STOP SUPPORTING TV SHOWS, MOVIES, AND ENTERTAINERS who demean, degrade, stereotype, marginalize black females, and make us INVISIBLE in the lives of black males.


Will Smith movie with WW(check out the title: “Never Lose Focus”  — what are they are telling the BM he should be “focused on”?)

This includes MOST Denzel Washington, Samuel Jackson, and lately, most Will Smith movies — and movies like “Red Tails” where not a single black male was involved with a black female.

Why in the God’s green earth would BW spend our hard-earned money just be be disrespected and demoralized by watching a black male love, rescue and support ANYBODY BUT US?

Now, try to imagine the masses of white female audiences supporting Tom Cruise OR Richard Gere if they only made movies showing them making love to black women.

You can’t imagine it because it WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.

And if we continue to support these “products” — aren’t we teaching black males, our boys, our girls, and the rest of the world that WE DO NOT COUNT – not even to ourselves?

Are black women willing to give up a movie or a CD or a TV show that marginalizes or degrades us?

Only we can answer that question. If the answer is NO – that we aren’t willing to make even a small sacrifice to respect ourselves then we should expect to get more of what we are already getting and in fact, for things to get MUCH WORSE.

2. STOP Bringing white females around your family and friends.  Years ago, a BM told me once that somebody should tell sisters to stop bringing white girls around black males because those girls are not their friends and are only coming around to get with a black male.

I have found this to be true the majority of time and one of my personal experiences happened years ago. There was a black male, Lee, who lived two doors down from me. One time he invited me to go out with him and a group of people from his job.  He was supposed to meet up with this black female he was dating at a black club. When we got there, she was already there, sipping cocktails with her “white girlfriend.”

To make a long story short, Lee wound up hooking up with the white female “friend” of the black female he was “dating.” Shortly after they moved in together, I ran into the white female in a grocery store.

Her body language clearly telegraphed that she wasn’t comfortable with black people–the same vibe I got in the club. While we went through the fake motions of having a “friendly” chat, she said something that confirmed my earlier suspicions. That she was a RACIST.

She said, “Lee is not like other black men.”‘

Holding back a sigh, I asked her what she meant.

And she said, “Well, he’s not ignorant.”

My point is she pretended to befriend a black female to get next to a black male. It didn’t matter one whit that this was the man her black “friend” was dating. Nor did her being an outspoken RACIST stop her from sexing black males.

And I advise black males NOT to take this as a compliment. It is far from that. It is part of the sexual dynamics of racist man and racist woman to sexually sewer, control and exploit their black victims, ensuring that their victims will be too confused and self-hating to EVER present ANY threat to the system of white supremacy — and it’s about time we understood that.


 3. STOP Supporting Demeaning TV shows like “Empire” where two black males are with non-black females and males.
And if you think that’s extreme, find ONE TV show that is popular with white females where the white males are NOT romantically involved with anything BUT white females. My money says you can count the number on ONE FINGER.

 Empire 3educated black male married to WW

empire 11Homosexual relationship with non-black male


4. STOP SUPPORTING rap music, movies, and TV shows that degrade ALL black women AND hold up dark-skinned black females for public ridicule.

big momma house 1 Martin 1 WandaJacksonempire 8Empire 4Empire 10

5. STOP Calling other black females bitches and hos then expecting black males to respect us.

Thanks to mass media, and black “reality” TV shows, I have observed an INCREASE in the disrespect black females show for each other in public and in private. We often don’t speak when spoken to, or we take a dislike to another black female who has DONE NOTHING to us other than exist on the same planet.

I believe this happens for the same reason black people disrespect other black people. Once you are convinced you are nothing then it easy to assume the same about someone who LOOKS LIKE YOU.

I also believe that black females see OTHER black females as unwelcome competition for a shrinking pool of available, heterosexual black males actually interested in dating and marrying black females.

Regardless of the reasons, we need to understand that we are TEACHING OTHER PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US by the way WE treat OR disrespect other black females. We are making our situations worse NOT better.

6. Eliminate anti-black language from your vocabulary that we learned from racist white people.

I hear other black people address other black people with comments like, “black ape, monkey, gorilla, good hair, pretty eyes (meaning light-colored eyes), black and ugly, niggers, niggas, black bitch, ho, and nappy headed. When we address other black people with these foul names we are saying the SAME THINGS ABOUT OURSELVES.

7. Restore the DIGNITY to Black Womanhood by respecting ourselves.

Black women used to be the most conservative women in America because we had to be. But with integration and mass media images and movies and music, many black females have adopted styles and behavior that telegraph our LACK of respect for ourselves.

When we parade around half naked in front of our sons, brothers, nephews, and other young and impressionable black males we are TELLING THEM that we are just PIECES OF BLACK MEAT to be consumed like a meal and I have NEVER ONCE seen anyone eat a piece of food and then show respect to it later.

When we wear hairstyles and hair colors that DO NOT FLATTER our naturally beautiful skin tones or natural hair, we are TELLING everyone who sees us that we wish we were anyone BUT OURSELVES.

8. TEACH our black sons and nephews and grandsons to LOVE and RESPECT black females by setting a good example.

I have watched black females encourage their sons to disrespect young black females. NOT teaching them to RESPECT and PROTECT black girls and women is a GUARANTEE that our sons will one day become one of those “not good black men”  for the next generation of black females coming up. Why would we want to continue the black legacy of failed black families and relationships?

9. STOP Letting black males use us sexually and STOP, STOP, STOP having babies with men who will NOT COMMIT to us. This is NOT a condemnation of the BW who already have children.  Sometimes we have to do the best we can with the hand we are holding.

HOWEVER, to deliberately have a child with a man who is either already MARRIED or is not committed to you shows a gross lack of self-respect for ourselves AND the welfare of our future children.

Also, be aware that RACIST WHITE MALES are the white males MOST LIKELY to sexually proposition black females. Do not be fooled by the false imagery on TV shows like Scandal. Olivia is simply playing the role of an educated, sophisticated WHITE MAN’S WHORE.

10. NEVER allow ANY man to pit us against another black female he is sexually involved with. The odds are HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT EITHER ONE OF YOU — and it makes no sense to blame the “other woman” for what HE is doing to you.

A GOOD BLACK MAN will NEVER PIT YOU against another woman. You will ALWAYS know where you stand with him. Right by his side.


There is no easy answer to solving the problem that possibly millions of black women are dealing with BUT the beginning of solving any problem is ADMITTING our role in it AND to stop supporting our own mistreatment. We not only owe it to ourselves we owe it to all the black girls coming up behind us– our daughters and nieces and granddaughters and even those girls we do not know.


I sincerely hope the answer to that question is NO!

And I hope black males will take to heart everything I have said above.

If you think this post is constructive, please share the link!

    • Yolee says:

      How about just idening their options and dating all races of men, not just black?

      • Yolee says:


        • Providenc says:


          Um… have you dated a white man? Or an ‘other’? You have any idea what it’s like? Its not that simple. Having a relationship with a brotha is hard enough. Dating a white man has its additional sets of challenges, which I’m sure, if anyone in an IRR is HONEST, would agree.

      • Trojan Pam says:

        @ Yolee

        I completely understand why BW would consider dating non-black males given the current state of BM/BF relationships

        However, the purpose of my blog is to help bring black people TOGETHER not to find new ways and rationalizations to drive us apart.

        Whether we like it or not our SURVIVAL as individuals depends on our STRENGTH as a GROUP

        why do you think the white supremacy system is working overtime to drive us apart? To convince us to date and marry and sex anybody but another black person? to demonize dark skinned black females so the black male will not want to continue his genotype and literally will breed himself out of existence?

        Why do you think this is happening at the same time oppression is increasing against black people? Rising unemployment, police brutality, closing black schools and pushing black people out of areas we have lived in for decades?

        And yet our response is to separate ourselves even further? And who will we ask to save us?

        Hispanics? Asians? Indians? Whites?


        and that is one reason they are building economic bases right here in america while black people are building…

        Multimillion-dollar CHURCHES to grandstand in

        Even though we can’t employ ourselves and have few viable businesses that can hire other black people

        I don’t know what else to tell you…

        • Providence says:

          Hi Pam, this was a very interesting dialogue, I enjoyed the discourse with you and others on this blog. I’ve noticed some related subjects came up briefly, but when explored in depth probably merit their own separate discussion. For instance:

          Someone is rearing these young Black men who eventually date/marry non-Black women. What role/responsibility do each of us have in encouraging more Black intermarriage and/or discouraging IRR, particularly amongst our young men?

          Another germane discussion would be on the female dynamic between Black women and the non-Black women these Black men insist on bringing around us all the freaggin’ time (lol). I have stories for DAYS which I’m sure many of us do, I just didn’t want to hijack this particular topic.

          • Trojan Pam says:

            @ Providence

            That’s a great question since many IR-dating BM were raised by black females, many by either single or divorced mothers. What role do black females play in this dynamic? A few short thoughts that come to mind are what I mentioned in this post.

            All the name calling, the disrespect, and the dislike BW show for each other plays a huge part.

            Talking about what’s ugly, hating our hair, praising “good hair,”

            leaving catalogs of half-naked white females around the house,

            allowing excessive TV-watching for children without not monitoring what they see,

            allowing degrading rap music in the house without comment and often listening to it ourselves

            spending hundreds of dollars a month on altering our hair and skin,

            and our social/sexual behavior around our daughters and sons.

            Years ago, I got into a back and forth with this black male on a so-called black website, who was constantly bashing black females in everything he posted and finally I said, “You must have had a horrible mother.”

            And you know what his response was? He DIDN’T respond.

            And that said a lot. I’m not bashing BW but I have seen how harsh some of us are with our children, yelling, and cursing and hitting and beating for the slightest offenses, sometimes for no reason at all, because we have so much anger and hurt and pain stored inside.

            Many or most of us need serious psychological counseling which we’ll probably never get, in the meantime, our children pay the ultimate price.

            When that young black male didn’t respond, I thought of all the images he and millions of other black children are fed via the TV tube and movie screen of how sweet and nice and pretty white women are, especially to their children (of course, it’s TV/movie fare), but to a young black mind, it’s real enough.

            I have also seen BW play up this BM/WW IR stuff in public, like ‘Oh, love knows no color, I have a white in-law and girl, she’s like a sister to me, or she’s as black as I am,” and other such nonsense YET in private will put BM on blast for being with a WW. Especially, a BM with money

            so, there’s a lot of work AND self-evaluation that needs to happen on both sides, the male and the female.

            If you want to pose a question or statement about the female dynamic between BW and non-black women who date BM feel free.

            • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:

              @ TrojanPam and Providence

              There sure are many different conversations that could stem from this one particular topic one being how sexism/misogynoir (anti-black misogyny) within the Black Community have a HUGE part in this and I will share my thoughts on that at a later time.


              I was doing some research for my upcoming blog post on Dorothy Dandridge and I came across several articles, posts, and videos on several sites in which Black people were asking the question “Why are Black Women Idolizing Marilyn Monroe instead of Dorothy? Basically, these sistas and brothas was basically saying that black women should be preserving Dorothy’s legacy not Marilyn’s (white people are already doing that very well). In addition I’ve read that some bw have pics of Marilyn Monroe all over their face book or other social media pages as well as Black Women/Girls mimiking Marilyn. There is some underground Black female rapper who calls herself Lo La Monroe.

              Sidenote: I didn’t know you had bw engaging in this foolishness until I read all this. I’m not surprised though. My cousin and I have had a convo about this last year cause she has Marilyn Monroe paraphernalia. I was telling how she should be honoring Dorothy and other bw.

              Back to the online discussions, Now some people (including bw) took what(bloggers/journalist) they were saying out of context and were calling these black people racist. Sadly you had some Black Women saying stupid shit like “Why can’t I like Marilyn Monroe?” and “Why do I have to Idolized Dorothy Cause she’s Black?” Now, mind you nobody didn’t say anything about Black Women couldn’t like Marilyn. The $64,0000 question to these lost sistas was If you can admire Marilyn Monroe, Why can’t you admire Dorothy Dandridge who look like you and who have paved the way for sooo many Black Women by being the first AA to win an Academy award nomination. Then I thought about this blog post and was thinking to myself this is exactly what TrojanPam is talking about.

              • Trojan Pam says:

                @ TheOriginalBlackWoman13

                absolutely! Black females actually promote white feminine beauty even when we don’t realize it. We pass those values on to our children and yet are surprised when our girls are low-self-esteemed (making bad romantic choices) and our boys are color-struck and, many times, white struck.

                And we are JUST as quick as the men to define dark-skinned black females as “ugly” even when we are brown and dark-skinned ourselves.

                I once did a 3D picture of a dark-skinned BW with full lips and I showed her to a BW (over 30 years old) and she said, “ooh, she ugly.”

                and this image was far from ugly

                Think about the LANGUAGE we use. Attractive, light-skinned men are often called “pretty boys” as though being light-skinned automatically makes you pretty, so following the (white supremacist) logic, a lighter-skinned woman is also prettier, right?

                I understand the roots of our sickness (white supremacy) but the problem I have is this constant DENIAL by black people that we are doing anything to contribute to it.

                Whenever I try to call BW out and say, hey, this is what we’re doing (usually to each other) and we need to stop this

                most of the time all I hear is “crickets”

                but we want BM to confess all that they’re doing wrong?

                We have got to get real about what we are BOTH doing if we sincerely want to fix this problem

                If we don’t want to sincerely fix it, then at least be honest about it

                (excuse the rant)

            • LBM says:

              However, I know of very afrocentric mothers whose sons leaned that way also. Those women were also very hard workers. On that count I’m inclined to believe what a brother on youtube said – that ironically even 2 and 3 job working mothers are seen negatively. They’re associated with strife and tiredness which is apparently a turn off to some black guys.
              In that regard I go back to something I’ve long maintained for black women – don’t have children with men who have not already committed to you and whatever children you may have. Indeed sisters working 2 and 3 jobs, working very masculine jobs, etc, is as detrimental as the things Pam accurately said. It’s a drag even as I’m typing this because while some black males use this “black woman as unfeminine” excuse many of those same ones choose the most unattractive white females. But at any rate, we should take note of those things that do indeed undermine our femininity in terms of our young men seeing black women as “ladies” and not as mules.

            • honeytreebee says:

              oH wOW Trojan Pam,

              I have to say that yes a lot of what you say is so true that there are a lot of black women who do a terrible job raising black children. It is not that they do not love their children it is that they themselves were ill raised beatings were often done to avoid more harsher punishments, back handed complements, and down playing along with all kinds of self devaluation was done to keep a white monster from raping little girls selling sons and raping mothers and fathers. I could go on but my point is we learned a lot of harmful habits out of survival mode. Now add the fact that as unprotected women we are not only invisible, but also sanctioned b this system to be used for abuse now add in that our men folk have been conditioned to see us as anything but worthy along with the possible abuse he suffered at the hands of an abandoned stressed out mother who is held accountable for the mismanagement of the children and the reason the black man has left. Now let is stew.

              So here we are wondering why black men marry out the most second only to asain women add in the jail population, and the ones just not interested and you will find that if, black women want a black man and they do numbers to the anger of whites say so that black women want black men and are not settling for anything less as they still have the lowest out of marriage rate even with all the hype and media push to do so. The had reality is that a lot of black women will need to look at other countries to find black men and come to the fact that a lot of us will not be getting married in time to have babies. I think your suggestions are great Pam I really do as healing needs to start with self first, but I know an army of black women who are doing all of that and way, way more and can not find a suitable black man who wants babies and the ones that do I’ve noticed are increasingly finding him out of the country.

              Self improvement is important but alone will not solve the puzzle.

              • Trojan Pam says:

                @ honeytreebee

                I don’t mean to bash black mothers, I think BW are under a tremendous amount of pressure. We’re hurt, angry, and we carry the pain of our female ancestors in our hearts. I also know that black people do not have a monopoly on poor parenting but what I’m saying is we–as black women–have to be MINDFUL of the things we do in front of our children. And so do black fathers.

                And I think there are things we can do that will build our self-esteem EVEN if we don’t have a “man” and that some of our behavior is counterproductive to getting that respect. Most important, though, is respecting ourselves FIRST. I agree with you, that the healing has to start with SELF.

                And so, my suggestions are aimed in that direction

                stop being a doormat for anyone who does not appreciate what you offer
                stop supporting black entertainers that degrade us and do not think we are good enough (except for our dollars)
                stop degrading other black women
                stop letting the media BRAIN TRASH us into calling each other bitches and hos

                if we did those four things, I believe we would feel stronger because we would BE stronger-minded.

  1. Providence says:

    Great post Ms Pam. When will people understand that a strong stable Black Family Unit is THEEEE single most THREATENING factor to preempt white supremacy? It simply takes a self-respecting Black man and woman to create such a dynamic force (the Black Family Unit), but the powers that be have devised all kinds of tactics, which you beautifully outlined above, to prevent that from ever happening. I pray for my brother and sisters collective blindfolds to fall off so they can see what so many of us already do.

  2. Lumumba Afrika says:

    Home run! You this one out of the park! Especially tip number 2.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Lumumba Afrika

      My bet is I’m not the only one with a story like this one. And that’s something I want to encourage black males and females to do.

      stop keeping white people’s secrets!

      we need to start sharing our tales of woe and mistreatment so other black people will feel more comfortable THINKING about their experiences and that they are not alone.

      I would welcome ANYONE with a story to tell to send it to me and I’ll post it — if it’s constructive and instructive.

      I don’t have a problem sharing my “stage” 🙂

      Also, please, share the link to this blog post with others

  3. This is really good Ms. Pam and I can’t think of anything else to add.

    I’m around several Black males daily from around 21 up to early 40’s and these people are in love with anything that ain’t Black. It makes me sick and they know not to start that mess around me and most avoid me altogether. If I were a Black woman wanting to start a family I’d focus on something else rather than looking for a man. It’s just too disappointing – let you heart be open to the universe. I know that’s sounds kinda new age, but to actively pursue love can be heartbreaking. I’m not saying be defeated, but just shift your focus. Best I can do – hell I’m single as well.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ hunglikejesus

      I have seen the increasing trend of black males literally worshiping any female who is not black. A lot of this comes from mass media brainwashing black males into believing non-black females give them greater status

      YET — the divorce rate for black male/white female couples is higher than BM/BW and BW/WM and WW/WM couples.

      In addition, as I pointed out in my book, “The Interracial Con Game” while the white female is climbing up the corporate ladder, the black male is literally being pushed off.

      In addition, she is the one most likely to sit on a jury–including the George Zimmerman jury–which acquitted the murderer of Trayvon Martin, a young black male.

      So much for the LIE that white females “luv” them some black males (sic)

      Equally Obvious, the white female does NOT solve a SINGLE problem or offer a SINGLE solution for black male in modern captivity. In fact, his involvement with her only DEEPENS his confusion and low-self-esteem because she offers the ILLUSION of inclusion and equality

      By sucking the WHITE TIT of VALIDATION, the black male can pretend he is equal to the white male when in reality, he owns and controls NOTHING — and never will until he regains his SANITY and decides to stand with his own people and his own women so they can BUILD SOMETHING TOGETHER.

      in the meantime, the black female has become so demoralized by the BM’s rejection that she seems (to me) to have given up as she consumes pounds of interracial imagery that largely ignores her existence and even when she is present she is usually a WHORE OR A CONVICT OR some other unfit, unlovable, barely human being

      and I have watched in dismay as black females have become NUMB to our own degradation and spew our hurt and anger out at other black females as though that will solve our problems.

      I don’t see this problem ending anytime soon. In fact, I suspect it will get much worse because of our ENDLESS VORACIOUS CONSUMPTION OF FOOLISH AND FALSE ENTERTAINMENT.

      what more can I say?

      • I saw a clip of the program Empire where the father told the son he knew he couldn’t trust him the moment he bought that white woman into his house. This on a prime time television program and it made me cheer inside. Methinks it was purely put in there as an example of the old way of thinking is dying out because the father is indeed dying.

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ hunglikejesus

          I think it was a TRICK to counter the criticism that this show is nothing but blaxploitation entertainment (on FOX TV yet! That should have told us something right there)

          the irony is, Terrance Howard saying that line when all he does is date non-black females (!)

          The whites that really control that show are playing all of us for fools, the ones on the stage and the ones in the audience, feeding us bits of garbage and laughing all the way to the bank

          “Yeah, Terrance must be choking on those words cause he’s just like that actor who’s playing his son!” (chuckle, chuckle, chuckle… chuckling)

        • Hey HLJ,someone told me about that white women comment from Empire. I’m a bit surprised by that. But like Pam said,it’s most likely just a trick. The white racists are very slick. They have refinement down to a science.

  4. Timothy says:

    Hello Sister Trojan Pam,

    This is a very interesting article. It covered many bases and it has great information on how we should treat each other (with respect, dignity, and in an uplifting fashion). Self reflection is a constant action that we should do, because we can be better via understanding ways on how to better our lives. Black people among both genders should stop saying anti-black slurs and stop supporting shows that degrade us as black people. The battle against white supremacy is just as much mental as it is economic. If we want to respect others, then we have to respect ourselves and have the Knowledge of Self. We have to have sense of morality and integrity too. Many relationships fall apart, because of misunderstandings and other tensions. We have to constantly educate black youth from early on in respecting black women and black men as well. It is obvious that black women are the most slandered, stereotyped, and disrespected women on Earth. Things should change. One of the greatest part of your article is how we should reject anti-black propaganda and standing up for black womanhood.

    A righteous black man and a righteous black woman know what time it is.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Timothy

      I agree, and change has to start with those who are being victimized. As I have said DOZENS of times, that black people are NOT helpless in all this. We are CHOOSING to elevate black entertainers who are degrading us. We have CHOSEN to support degrading and false entertainment.

      And the more we consume, the SICKER we are becoming until our former selves are unrecognizable.

      Black females MUST see that supporting the upcoming Will Smith movie only produces more of the same. IT just doesn’t make any sense to me to do this.

      • Alicia says:

        I so agree. Heck I even skipped on Selma, etc. Life is too short to watch movies, videos, etc that perpetuate an anti-me, anti-black,etc.

      • Timothy says:

        You have made excellent points. I agree with you Sister Trojan Pam. We are not hopeless nor helpless. The Creator gave us a mind, body, and soul for a reason. We can help ourselves. We can’t deify black entertainers at all who are disrespecting us. The propaganda from the show Empire is really slick. Many people falsely think that Empire shows our greatness when it shows how white mainstream society views us as. If we want to know shows that display our greatness, they include Roc, the Planet Hood, NY Undercover, A Different World, etc.

        We should reject any form of entertainment that is disrespecting us as a people. We will not be silent about this either. It is also great of you to encourage black women to not support the movie “Focus.” That movie’s title is really ironic, because they or the white supremacists want us to focus on the wrong things. We should not focus on a movie showing a black man acting as a criminal working with a white person that uses him in a slick fashion. We have to promote dignity in our community. Pro-black images should be shown more.

  5. Rachel says:

    Well I have several family members married to men from various African countries. I would like to see an active dating service pairing marriage minded black people from around the world with one another. Why not?

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Rachel

      I agree. Why not? That sounds like a good idea.

    • Providence says:


      That’s so true, African men in general don’t have the same hangups as AA men, they aren’t governed by the system of white supremacy to the same degree. African women have their own challenges, but getting wifed up, cared for and protected by her man IS NOT one of them. The only challenge I can foresee with our AA sisters hooking up with African men can be summed up in 2 words: GREEN CARD. Unless of course, the African brotha is already here in the States ;O)

  6. C. Andrews says:

    Avery insightful post Trojan Pam !!! According to compensatory code there are only white people and non white peoples, therefore it not considered a interracial situation aka Tragic Arrangement if say a black woman were to mate and marry another non white male or vice versa. We may have to consider other non white mates outside of our ethnicity… Just a suggestion as an alternative to polygamy or being alone and childless.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ C. Andrews

      Actually, that’s where I differ from the code. I do NOT mix non-blacks who are not black with black people. I don’t see a constructive purpose in doing so AND black people still have that tendency to worship the lighter skin and straighter hair of non-blacks/nonwhites in the same way that we worship white people

      In addition, there is NO evidence that shows non-whites/non-blacks EVER aligning themselves with our cause. They take care of their OWN and I cannot see any reason why black people whose biggest business are CHURCHES to expend a second of time or energy trying to align ourselves with people who do NOT align themselves with us

      When we marry a brown or red or yellow person, what are we BUILDING?


      Are we welcomed into their communtiies? NO
      Can we open a business in their communities and expect to be supported the way we support Asian and Korean and Arab and Hispanic businesses? NO

      I do NOT align myself with any other group but BLACK AND AFRICAN PEOPLE.

      At the same time, I do not view them as an enemy and I would prefer to see black people — if they date/marry non-blacks that they choose a non-white, if they do it for the RIGHT reasons, meaning NOT because we want lighter-skinned offspring with “good hair” (oh please save me from hearing that phrase again!)

      • Mariama says:

        Can I get an AMEN on this? Thank you PAM!! I agree with you 1000% on this. This is one of your best responses. In my eyes, the only genunie interracial love is the one that is extremely rare. What you see taking place in 2015 is cultural suicide and a travesty. I am willing to bet you that most of it is NOT out of love AT ALL.

        It annoys me tremendously that grown black men and women think that marrying someone of another race will solve their problems. Nothing is wrong with marrying a non-black/non-white person if of course it is done for genuine reasons. What I am witnessing is that too many black Americans are seeking “other” races out of frustration with their own. No other races’s “good” hair, “fair” skin, etc is going to bring you any kind of self-worth. In fact, I am seeing mass confusion. I wish that blacks with this type of inferior mindset would understand that the over-hype that they bestow on all these other “wonderful” races is simply compliments that end up on a one way street.

        I try not to get frustrated witnessing this, but I am seeing the mental and psychological damage that this is inflicting on our people. If it werent for Youtube, I would feel more optimistic. Just check out any YOUTUBE “I hate black men/video” and see what I am talking about. Young and impressionable minds are being brainwashed into believing the so-called inferiority of blacks, esp that of the motherseed. This really really bothers me. I do keep in mind that folks such as those on this blog are a ray of sunshine!! We are not all lost!

        And one question for everyone, why is that bitter, angry, confused black folks who promote all this interracial love never push this towards Africa? I mean there are 52/53 countries in this continent and I never hear the Tommy Sotomayors and his constituency mention the many beautiful women of Senegal, Ghana, Sierra Leone and all the others. Kind of makes you wonder.

        Thank you Pam for this hard-hitting post. I also appreciate the thoughts of the other posters. Stay blessed!!

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ Mariama

          Have you heard of the “Stockholm Syndrome”? If not, google it. This will give a partial explanation for the psychological condition of black people today.

          Another HUGE factor is the chattel slavery experience where our COMPLETE IDENTITY was wiped out. We do NOT know who we are or where we come from. Sure, we say “Africa” but most of us have no bond with the continent, and in fact have never been there — nor do most of us want to go.

          Another clue of our lack of a REAL connection to Africa is our disconnect and disinterest in how the current Obama administration is waging war on African people and on African nations like Libya, a lot of black people who call ourselves “I’m an African person!”

          and didn’t care as long as Obama said it was the right thing to do!

          Now, if we couldn’t see thru that (lie) then we can’t see much of anything.

        • Phazex says:

          I must add a comment in here. About a year or so ago I became aware of this diseased black man named Tommy Sotomayor and his disparaging, hate-filled remarks about sistas as well as the number of black males (?) that co-sign with him. My opinion only, but this black man is an example of why we need to “thin the herd so to speak,” and that “all of us, unfortunately, will not be saved.” We can make continual efforts to show WHY we should be cohesive and unify, but again, “all of us will not be saved.”

          I left at least three remarks asking this person WHY he does not fight White Supremacy as hard as he bru ha ha’s sistas? To date, he has never answered my question (though I am long removed from that site and never considered his trivial opinions important enough to continue posting) Actually, word that I received was that this person is PAID to post the commentary that he does regarding black females. Again, he’s diseased and hopefully one day he will have a break-through.

          • Providence says:

            hm.. that explains a lot (about Sotomayor). I wonder who’s paying him????

            • Timothy says:

              He said that his mentor is Rush Limbaugh. Tommy Sotomayor is a blatant hater and a disrespectful male (not man).

            • Clarence a.k.a. Codified Games says:


              A few years ago, Mr. Tommy Sotomayor admitted on his blogtalkradio show that he was being paid at that time by Playboy magazine. Since then, I have stopped listening to him, so i don’t know if that is still the case in 2015.

              • Providence says:

                @Timothy and Clarence.

                Thanks for your comments. A few years ago when I first heard of the infamous TS (real name Thomas Harris), I only listened to 2 min of his BLATANT vitriol against BW and I turned that ish off quick. Turns out he’s sponsored by big wigs such as Coca Cola and Netflix. My suspicion is he’s paid by anonymous and more nefarious individuals — a powerful undercover machine hell bent on destabilizing the Black collective by sowing discord between Black men and women. And they use “coonscious” brothas like TS to do it. Oh, and he’s a freemason too, I’m positive that is a connection. The link below describes how a brotha became disillusioned with TS after confirming him as a freemason.


  7. sparkle86 says:

    I agree with all your points. Like Dr Welsing said Self respect is a weapon of mass destruction.
    In regards to point #9…Call me traditional but I seriously advocate no sex before marriage. Too many males are getting the milk fore free without buying the cow. This has seriously eroded standards and expectations for males and females. We women have to realize the day of shotgun weddings are over.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ sparkle86

      Speaking of animals, I fear the horses have already left the barn when it comes to pre-marital sex.

      Look at the fractured black families and damaged children that have come of out of males and females having children while they are still children or without having a structure in which to raise them properly.

      And the more it becomes the norm, the weaker the black family and community becomes.

      It’s easy to understand why our elders did things in a certain order: courting, marriage, sex, then children

      Back in the day a man couldn’t have regular sex, or children or respect within his community without being a responsible FAMILY MAN.

      of course, there were always exceptions but overall people were expected to do things a certain way.

    • Alicia says:

      I agree. Even at my age un-married and partially interested in having kids before I get too old, I still could not imagine doing that without being married FIRST. Some do marry after having a child, however I believe as women we’re to wait until a man commits to us. I know and have heard of women with 2-3 kids for a guy who has never committed to them, who cheats,etc. it’s so weird to me.

    • Courtney H. says:

      @ Mariama:

      I agree. I’m traditional in that way, too.

  8. LBM says:

    All great suggestions, Pam. I don’t have any substitute suggestions for having romantic male companionship. I don’t have any suggestions of optimism for sisters in their late thirties seeking such because most of the men I know who have a level of consciousness at that age, came into it AFTER they had run the streets and racked up “baggage”. I do have a suggestion that will fill some time productively and is much needed. I’d like to see single conscious sisters become big sisters to the many younger sisters who can use the attention and support of someone. I’m not single and have a daughter but I’ve still made a couple of her friends “daughters”. So many of our young sisters are in distress. Some of them are already nieces or young cousins. Embrace one or two for a more intimate relationship. Some mothers are overwhelmed or ill-equipped and these young girls can use some additional support. Many can use a safe haven from mama’s 10th “boyfriend” in 10 months.
    Embracing this suggestion could help towards protecting our girls and young ladies from the cycle of dysfunction we find ourselves in. If all of the things Pam suggested could be adopted by girls at an early age, a better breed of male will also emerge because access to us will not be so easy and unconditional. But we will have to support our girls, sure them up, become advocates for them, to see positive change.
    No need to try to save the world or ALL black people. Identify a young lady who could benefit from your support and invite her in. Open your home and heart to her. You may even have to work with a mother. Let her know you’re not trying to take her child but that you’re able and wiling to help with the development of the young lady. Big sisters, godmothers, mentors. Let’s extend ourselves because there’s some horrible things happening to many of our girls these days.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ LBM

      All great suggestions – and you’re absolutely right.

      Our black girls are going through some horrible things — rape, incest, dysfunctional homes, dangerous neighborhoods, post traumatic stress from seeing violence at an early age, bad schools, early sexual experiences and pregnancies, predatory older males, horrifically negative and degrading black female imagery, and rejections from black males (and females) for not being light enough or white-looking enough

      and that alone, not being perceived as attractive to the males of her group is devastating. I’d like to add something to what you said and I”m directing this at black males.

      PLEASE understand that your public rejection of black females is DEVASTATING the self-esteem of black GIRLS even the ones in your family. Especially, the ones in your family because that is up close and personal and a message to the young black girls in your family circle

      that they aren’t GOOD ENOUGH as their black brother, cousin, uncle, etc parades his white or non-black lighter skinned female around with pride.

      If black males want to be free of oppression, they must FIRST do right by their own. If that sounds preachy and judgmental, too BAD. Truth is truth.


      Nor would the women of their group ACCEPT an inferior status compared to outsiders.

      These men and women KNOW they can’t build anything by investing their love, time, and money into any community but their own.

      And that reason alone is why the mainstream media encourages and rewards black males for doing the OPPOSITE and make movies like Will Smith’s “Stay in Focus”

      because they know what the END result will be for black males and subsequently, their women and children and communities. And guess what? So far, it’s worked like a CHARM

      But if you must find a non-black female to validate yourself PLEASE DO NOT PARADE HER around in front of the young black females in your family and community circle. At least do that much. Join her community instead. Thank you.

      • Alicia says:

        I so agree with what you stated. The thing though is that I work in corporate america and in it, like white majority college campuses, their is a culture among whites to try to malign black women and pressure black men to not prefer or even like black women. I recall a while back being on public transportation ( train) with a young cute black guy ( who is divorced from a black woman) and we always had alot of laughs, good discussions and the like.

        Atleast twice I recall a set of white business men getting on the train sitting across from us and watching us uncomfortably. One day when I noticed this, the guy said something to me randomly and out of character. He said “you black women…” and “all men want white women” and “black men are the only race that date white women more than his own”. I realized then that there was a connection with the white men watching us on the train and what he weirdly said.

        I also see this on my job and elsewhere where whites act and do things to show black men that they are uncomfortable with them even appearing to be attracted to black girls/women.

        Luckily, black men like all men generally tend to date w/in their race and most haven’t fallen for it. I just want to let other black women/girls know that if it seems weird…it usually IS!

        Black boys, males, men talking like they have to sleep with white women or not being protective of black women is not merely b/c they’re bad men or no good, society, white supremacy, pressure from whites has ALOT to do with it.

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ Alicia

          Thanks for sharing your observations. I have noticed this, too, that the pressure on blacks in corporate environments is to be anti-black and that includes the way black males and females interact with each other.

          White people are ALWAYS watching and I KNOW most black people can feel this scrutiny whether we admit it or not. Our behavior changes whenever they come around and we need to be honest about this

          Add the braintrashing by the media that makes it appear that black males are better off without black females and vice versa and you have the perfect recipe for massive anti-blackness

          which is what we see happening today.

          • Alicia says:

            We’ll, I’ve had to study and work in such environments for 15+ years and I’m still NOT anti-black. I still see the beauty in and love black men. Most black men also still want black women.

            I also wonder if there are really less available black men compared to black women. We all know about the prison system, etc. I wonder if all of that plays a role in their being less available decent black men for us. I see black families and couples all the time.

    • I agree with you LBM. Great suggestions. It’s good to see you. Haven’t seen you in awhile.

  9. Shanequa says:

    @ Trojan Pam thanks for posting my message. I enjoyed reading all the comments. One thing for sure black women need to protect black womanhood. The black woman is the most disrespected women on the planet but now we are seen as the whores to the world. We even have other race of men beside our own men feel that they can verbally & physically attack black women. I also notice the media is playing the “Beauty Con Game” with black women. The media comes out every year with different studies of articles that are done on us that be positive but later come out with a negative article. We have positive articles that states “black women feel that they age the best,” “black women have higher self-esteem about body image,” & “black women have lower suicide rates.” Then the negative articles “black women are least desire,” “black women have higher testosterone” , “black women have bad attitudes,” and etc. This is how white media tells off on themselves if we are so inferior you will leave us alone but no white media is coming in and starting the drama.

    Black women need to stop having sex with men who aren’t committed to them nor have plans on starting a family with them. This would at least stop as well as later these single parent homes. I find it quit sad when I see black females who are mothers, still going to the club when they should be at home taking care of their children, and bringing random men that they are dating around their children. I have some female coworkers who are single parents or married living off of government assistants trying to tell me, “I need to get out more to find a man, you need to have children before its to late, do you have a boyfriend or you still a virgin.” Instead of them asking me these question they should be encouraging me as well as other sisters not to follow in there footsteps but learn from their mistake. Their not doing that they are more concern about me following in their footsteps.

    All of these trashy realities shows are being played out in most of these black women lives. If black women stop supporting these black men who are always in love scene with non black women & the ones that don’t date black women you will see how fast their careers will drop. Chris Brown made a song & video with rapper Tyga about they like women with real hair showing non black women which was a dissed to black women. While Chris & Tyga are dissing black women for not wearing their real hair the non black women they love so much are getting plastic surgeries to have the body image of a black women a women that they hate.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Shanequa

      I agree

      and this is where I weigh in as far as what black women CAN and SHOULD do.

      first, accept we can’t control anyone but ourselves. we can’t make men love us but we can do more to learn to love ourselves.

      you are absolutely right. Black females MAKE and BREAK many a black male (and female’s) career because WE are the ones who turn BM into “sex symbols”

      white women turn their OWN white male stars into their sex symbols. They have NEVER raised a black male to the level of a Tom Cruise or Richard Gere or George Clooney sex symbol status. NEVER.

      and if it wasn’t for the black female fans supporting their careers most black male entertainers, especially actors would be working in an office somewhere

      we must learn to exercise what power we have and that is the POWER OF NOT SPENDING OUR MONEY AND TIME WHERE IT IS NOT RESPECTED OR APPRECIATED>

      I do NOT support many black entertainers who degrade and dismiss us– and that includes black female entertainers.

      Because if we continue to support them, it is the same thing as saying we don’t care about being respected.

      I hope everyone reading this post will stay away from Will SMith’s new movie. I mean, why would a conscious black male or female want to trash their brains with those images? I don’t get it.

    • Alicia says:

      Just checked out Tyga and Chris Browns video…eeek No ounce of support for either of them from me at all ever again.

  10. Shanequa says:

    This comment here is off topic but I notice how white media have took the ideas of the “Black Natural Hair Movement” black women were spreading the message of accepting their natural hair & stop allowing society to tell them what is consider beautiful. I seen a Dove commercial on youtube show biracial & non black little girls with curly hair stating they wish their hair was straight but it was not a dark skin little girl with kinky hair in the commercial. What pissed me off the most they stole our ideals which still today our hair is still not accepted by society standards but you have these non black females in a commercial who hasn’t lost a job because of a ethic hairstyle, who hasn’t have years of images of telling you that your hair is bad, who have to straightening there hair are they will be out of a job, still kinky, nappy, woolly hair is not the standard especially on a black woman.

    P.S. I also blame some of these natural hair bloggers for accepting non blacks in their movement.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Shanequa

      Once you have your enemy on the ropes, you can’t let them get up and catch their wind. Black people must learn to anticipate and counter the attacks that will try to derail any movement toward self-respect.

      that’s why they publicize all the negative things people like Lee Daniels says (but we still support his work, right?) about BW and Charles Barkley and the list is too long

      because they want us to be at war with each other and take the focus off of who is really behind all this madness.

  11. DonFodio says:

    The “black” or “blacks” is really appalling! Most of you don’t know how bad it sounds until it comes out of the mouth of a British racist. As I had in 1967 with all the vitriol. So I advocate; There are so many ways. Such as the “people of the diaspora” or “African descended”. In fact I don’t even call “White” people “White” . They are Either Euro-Americans or Europeans. Many of us represent the oldest genomes on earth. Indeed my Mother is a representative of a genome 150,000 years old. A small percentage even in Africa and less one percent here amongst the African descended people. So I think we should reframe how we see each other instead of mimicing the old British guy standing at the gate of his plantation in a land far away.

  12. Jack da rip says:

    i agree with almost everything this woman said, the one thing I have issue with is the over generalization of her ideas regarding white chics who bang black men or black men who have relations with other women. A true racist white woman is NOT, I repeat, is NOT banging a black guy. You wana see a true racist, go to Mississippi, Louisiana, a true racist ain’t screwing no black guy. Don’t let the media fool you either, black people are admired more than you think trust me. I’ve known plenty blacks dudes who slept with white women and then ended up marrying a black female, so does that make him a sell out Cuz he dated white chics? No. Black men love variety. We love women in general. This is a battle you guys will never win Cuz ask 98 percent of black dudes and I guarantee you they will say, they will never stop dating outside their race Cuz let’s be real here, white chics, Spanish chics, Asian chics, etc are fucking just as hot as black females, so why should a black man limit himself. Hell no.

    • Codified Games says:

      I have two questions regarding your statement Question#1: what is your definition of a racist? Question #2: Can you explain why a white person who fits the description of a racist is not going to engage in sexual activity with a black person?

      • Trojan Pam says:

        @ Codified Games

        I don’t think you’ll get an answer but I hope Jack da rip comes back with an open mind and considers what is being said.

        This is why the mass media exists today. Not to make money but to create the perfect slave mindset.

    • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:

      @ Jack da rip

      You have just demonstrated that you’re the type of Black male that the author and the posters talk about on this blog and within this particular post. You are exactly part of the problem spoken about in this particular post; of why colorism in the Black Community is sooo rampant towards Black Women and Girls, especially our dark skin sistas. Can’t you for once see past your penis? When it comes down to the come down attractiveness (or lack thereof) IS irrelevant. Where are all these fine white, Asian, Hispanic, or other non-black chicks when Black Men are terrorized by the system of racism on a daily basis, huh? NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! When the going gets tough, they get going. It’s Black Women EVERY DAMN TIME, EVERY DAMN TIME out on the front lines defending and protesting for the lives of Black Men and Boys against White terrorism. Yet you are sooo blind and ungrateful. Negro Bye!

      • Timothy says:

        Preach TheOriginalBlackWoman13.

      • Having sex with whites confuses the non white person. That’s why it’s hard to dbate with race mixers. Their minds have been contaminated by white sex. I gave up arguing with them a long time ago. The only ally black men have is black women. I wish more brothers would wake up to this fact. All we got is US!

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ Kushite Prince

          You’re absolutely right. That’s why Mr. Fuller warns against it. And you’re that it’s a waste of time to debate with those who are currently engaging in sex with whites

          and most will wind up devastated, sexually exploited (and that includes black males), more confused, more self-hating and more black-hating

          and maybe, a few will start asking themselves the right questions and will start seeking some answers once they realize they have been having sex with a RACIST

          • Alicia says:

            I’m not sure if sleeping interracially is the issue. the issue is when black men and black women lose consciousness of who we are, our history, our place and issues and society. What I mean is that we should be supporting each other more. I don’t know how black men feel when they hear that there are too many single black women or black kids growing up in homes with out fathers. I am not a man to know what that sparks inside of someone, especially a young or old black male when he hears that. To me when I hear about incarceration rates, young girls having babies with no husband, behaviors that prolong poverty in our communities it sparks something in me. Why are so many black men and women choosing to have kids before and without marriage? As a woman, that boggles my mind. Why are young black women allowing themselves to get PREGNANT 1 or two times without using protection ( which is dangerous) and without a man committing to them first. Why are the young guys running off without trying to make a commitment?

            Nothing is wrong with being open when dating or dating IR ( although, I don’t relate to whites and don’t see how so many blacks claim to want to date them given how they behave towards us), the issue is when we see to break the other gender down of our race. I’m talking about black women dogging out ALL black men or black men dogging out all black women. No matter how “strong” a woman claims to be, we are still women and need support and to feel protected and loved. I believe some black guys know this which is why they aim to make white women or hispanic women feel liked and special. What about us black women? We need that from black men as well. I know there is pressure from society but even one on one a black male can show some sort of support.

            If I have a son, even if it’s with an asian or hispanic male, the child will be kinda a black male. Similarily, if a black man has a daughter with a non-black woman, his daughter will often still look like and sorta be a black girl/woman. That’s problematic if you don’t like the opposite gender of your race.

            Finally, not all stats are true and like I said most blacks I see are coupled up. However, there are alot of educated and/or decent black women who are single and desperately would like a mate, preferably black. How are black males acting on that? Do they not care?

            No matter how you cut it..men are the persuers. Single women wait on Single men to come and sweep them off of their feet. What’s going on in our communities?.

            • Trojan Pam says:

              @ Alicia

              Interracial sex is a HUGE part of the issue. That is why this blog is called RACISM IS WHITE SUPREMACY.

              What do we think that means? That black people are under a system of white domination which makes our lives AND our relationships very difficult.

              If you believe the above is true, how can having sex with a white person who BENEFITS from your oppression help FREE you from your oppression?

              In fact, what we are doing when we have sex with whites under the system of white domination we are making that system STRONGER and that is why the white media promotes sex between blacks and whites ALL while increasing the mistreatment of black people.

              Try to imagine you are in a war with another group and they are winning the war.

              Would a SANE group of people have sex with the same people who are waging war on them and expect to win the war? Of course not.

              The problem, as I see it is too many black people are uncomfortable with taking a firm stand against racism other than to just “talk” about it.

              But when it comes to making personal sacrifices–even something as small as staying out of the wrong beds–we balk and start to backpedal. We don’t want to do the work.

              And I’m not addressing this at you personally but in my experience as soon as someone asks black people to DO something different OR make any kind of sacrifice, like not going to see a movie that degrades us, many of us suddenly lose interest.

              And I’m not excluding myself because I am definitely NOT doing all I can do to fight this problem.

              But the one thing I know will NOT help is REWARDING white people with my precious body (sex) while the system of white oppression still exists. I know that much.

              I have watched many, many black people do the interracial “thing” and become more confused, more SELF-HATING and more contemptuous of OTHER black people–and I have seen very few exceptions.

              In addition, the offspring of these relationships are usually confused and conflicted over their identity, for example, Tiger Woods, who has a non-white (Asian) mother and he apparently wants NOTHING to do with his black side or with black women. He’s not even interested in ASIAN women

              I know of a young “black” female with an Asian mother and a black father who views black people as “aliens”

              which says to me that black people must be careful NOT to be naive about dating and marrying other “non-whites”

              Hispanic and Asian and Indian etc communities do NOT welcome black people as one of their own. They do NOT support our businesses and do NOT join in our fights against white oppression, so what kind of “unity” can we build with them? Not much, I suspect.

              Yet we tell ourselves we can date whoever we want and still effectively eliminate our oppression? I must be missing something…

              Black people today are engaging in more interracial sex openly than at any time in our history YET we are losing ground and own fewer businesses and produce fewer marriages and families than we did DURING segregation when interracial sex was strongly discouraged.

              That should TELL us something, I would think

              You mentioned something about “losing consciousness” but how is it possible to hold on to any real sense of consciousness if black people are “talking black” and “sleeping white?” And in a society where “white beauty” is the standard for ALL men, including black men, how can the black female expect to operate on a level playing field? Due to the economic and educational and political and sexual wars being waged against us, of course we’re going to have more dysfunctional families, which includes young black females making bad choices due to a poor living environment, poor role modeling, horrible TV images and being made to feel inadequate as girls and women.

              So, we’ll have to agree to disagree because I wholeheartedly believe that there IS something wrong with black people being so “open” to dating outside their race WHILE AT THE SAME TIME bemoaning the lack of black unity. It doesn’t make sense to me and seems like a gross contradiction

              Of course, black people have the right to date whoever just like we have the right to jump off a cliff

              however, when WE hit rock bottom we need to remember that we made the CHOICE to do it.

            • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:

              @ Alicia

              No disrespect, but I have to ask you did you really read this post? Cause here you are saying that you are not sure if sleeping inter racially is the problem. Many people say that it IS not a problem, but this topic is still surrounded by much debate and controversy. That alone tells us that for many it is still a problem. Despite what some national polls may say, I believe a lot of people do not accept IR, just tolerate cause you simply can’t tell grown people who to date, marry, sleep with, or procreate with.

              Sleeping interracially IS a big problem. If it wasn’t we wouldn’t be having these types of conversations such as Why are so many Black Males are rejecting Black Women as Mates, So many Black Males conforming to euro standards of beauty, so many black males believing that non-black women are superior to black women, people such as some of the posters here discussing how IR has caused discord in their families, biracial people discussing how their white parent refuses to talk about racism, and more. These conversations are going on not only online but offline as well and alot of times get heated. Conversations on IR get people all into their feelings because they DO INDEED cause a lot of problems.

              You are entitled to your own opinion about interracial dating and have the right to date whomever you want, but a Black Man/ Black Woman WILL NOT be taken seriously if they say they are proud, but are sleeping white. A TRULY PROUD OR CONSCIOUS Black Man or Black Woman WILL NOT BE sleeping white. Many of our enlightened Black scholars and others (such as TrojanPam) have explained to us many times why it is not in the best interest of any of us within the Black Collective to be sleeping white if we are seeking TOTAL LIBERATION from White Supremacy (racism). History itself has given us many, many examples of why it is not okay. I can’t understand why so many of us cannot understand that simple fact that YOU CAN’T FIGHT WHITE SUPREMACY IN THE DAY AND SLEEP WITH AT NIGHT.

              • Trojan Pam says:

                @ TheOriginalBlackWoman13

                who said: “You are entitled to your own opinion about interracial dating and have the right to date whomever you want, but a Black Man/ Black Woman WILL NOT be taken seriously if they say they are proud, but are sleeping white.”

                I completely agree. Anyone who adopts such a CONFUSED AND CONTRADICTORY POSITION while attempting to “guide” or “educate” another black person about racism should be AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS.

                They will only make you as confused as they are.

                I do not entertain such discussions as I have found it is usually a waste of my time.

          • So true sista! I co-sign 100%!

            • Trojan Pam says:

              @ Kushite Prince

              I know some of things I post are harsh – like my position on having sex with whites WITHIN a system of white oppression and my equally harsh position that I think black females MUST ADOPT when it comes to black males who uplift white and non-black females then come to US FOR HELP.

              but how much time do we think we have to get it together?

              There are many things happening in the background while black people fuss and fight about who should sex who,

              like this:


              Do we know how important black unity will be in face of what is coming?

              Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying black people can’t be attracted to men and women of other ethnic groups. Of course, we can. What bothers me is how much importance we put on this IN SPITE of our worsening conditions AS black people.

              And that we totally IGNORE THE FACT that NO OTHER ETHNIC GROUP expends so much time and energy on this topic as we do

              I guess it’s because they are too busy starting and running businesses to make diluting their heritage and genetics a PRIORITY

              Because they know having SKILLS and BUSINESSES and UNITY is more important than…

              “I have the right to date whoever I want no matter what condition my community is in!”

              I do not talk about the larger political issues because I don’t believe most want to think about them in any depth and prefer the SANITIZED (and falsified) version of reality that they get from (white) mainstream media but I have suggested before that those who are interested in getting a REALISTIC PERSPECTIVE should check out this youtube channel — the X22 report

              and Paulcraigroberts.org.

      • Trojan Pam says:

        @ The OriginalBlackWoman13

        I have to admit this is a huge part of my frustration

        that the first person most black males — young AND old turn to when in need are black females — momma, grandmomma, sister, auntie, the neighbor down the block, girlfriend, wife, etc

        While the white, Asian, and other non-black females could care less about the collective struggles of black males. They might care about the one they’re sleeping with as long as he giving them sex but even when it comes to the children they have with black males, I have CONSISTENTLY seen a detachment regarding those children.

        In fact, on one of the black reality TV shows, one of the women with a white mother said her mother had NEVER ONCE said she loved her.

        My point is, black females are often taken for granted and used shamelessly by some of the same black males who profess their love of “variety” AKA “non-black females”

        but when that ship has sailed and moved on without them, who do they come running back to looking for help, or a shoulder to lean on?

        black females.

        I have seen this time and time and time and time again and am fast moving toward the point where I think we– as black females — will have to be more selective about those we offer aid and comfort to.

        • Lumumba Afrika says:

          Hi Pam. In a prophetic email you sent out in the summer of 2013 you made the following statement:

          “Black females in particular are always EXPECTED to accept, embrace, entertain, feed, house and even support black males who make it known that they prefer white females and/or who make it clear that they DISLIKE black females —

          and these males do this without ANY regard OR respect for black females, even the ones they come crying to when they need comforting or financial support


          I don’t care if it’s your son, brother, father, cousin, or best friend.”

          When I first read this I thought this was an interesting observation and I didn’t think anymore about it. Then in the summer of 2014, I went to my hometown to visit my family and my cousins (who are twins and the same age as me) had recently moved back to my hometown from living in another part of the state. They had both been fired from their jobs for what I think were racists reasons. The area of the state they were living in has a predominately white population. They had only lived there for just over a year and in that time both started dating non-Black women. One was white, the other Asian. Well once they lost their jobs due to racist terrorism guess what? They couldn’t pay their rent and had to move out of their apartments. Do you think their Asian or white girlfriends took them in? Do you think their white or Asian girlfriends’ family too them in? No! They had to move back to their Black Aunt’s house who was a little perturbed at having to take in two grown men into her duplex home. She had just bought the home from her brother who is the father of my cousins. So given the circumstances, she was more or less obligated to allow them to stay there until they got on their feet. The Asian woman didn’t move back with my one cousin but they were still “in a relationship”. The white woman did move back into the house with my Aunt. (BTW she is 15 years younger than my cousin and is a fat, dumpy woman from the backwoods of some southern state) When I went home to visit, there was obvious tension between my Aunt and cousins. I thought about your admonition in the email quote above and thought how prescient it was. Here in my own family was the phenomenon you were describing. I could go on with more tackiness having to do with these white and Asian females dating my cousins and how it relates to the rest of the family, but suffice it to say, that you were/are totally correct in your analysis. I see it as very gauche to foist these IRs onto family members and then when the going get rough, you have to rely on the same family members to support you and at the same time demand “respect” for the foreigner/enemy you have chosen to bring into the sacred spaces of one’s own family. It is really disgusting in my opinion and I have decided since then to limit my visits to only special occasions. I just can’t stand seeing this tackiness and being forced to act like nothing is wrong. It is like I am being held as an emotional hostage to my cousins’ sexual fetishes in order to visit my family.

          • Trojan Pam says:

            @ Lumumba Afrika

            Some may become angry or irritated or agitated about what I’m going to say but it needs to be said:

            The DYNAMIC between black females and males is VERY SIMILAR to the dynamic between black people and white people. I have PERSONALLY FOUND that trying to discuss the mistreatment of black females feels a lot like talking to white people about black mistreatment. You get this distinct feeling of DENIAL and DISINTEREST.

            That being said, I am NOT saying that they are the same thing, I’m saying it sometimes FEELS like the same thing.

            The reason I said this — if we want people to stop taking us for granted, we have to stop making it so EASY to take us for granted. STOP allowing this foolishness of being with non-black females when times are GOOD and coming BACK to us when things go BAD.

            DO NOT ALLOW IT.– no matter who it is, brother, father, uncle, friend

            because as long as we allow it it will continue to happen and I will tell you this, when we allow it IN THE END, we are NOT RESPECTED OR APPRECIATED but those non-black females will still be the STARS in some men’s eyes.

            I once went to a nephew’s college graduation party that his BLACK MOTHER gave him and do you know what this guy did? He brought TWO WHITE GIRLS WITH HIM, AND DIDN’T HAVE A SINGLE BLACK FEMALE FRIEND IN SIGHT (he went to a predominantly white college)

            and most of the people there were BLACK FEMALES — many of them around his age that were invited by family and friends (not his) and the black females PAID FOR THE PARTY AND COOKED FOR THE PARTY and RENTED THE PLACE FOR THE PARTY

            and had to SERVE HIM and his WHITE FEMALES (one was his girlfriend) while they sat on the podium and waited to be served

            and I looked around and saw the expressions on some of the older black females’ faces and i definitely related to what they were probably thinking:

            NOW AIN’T THIS A BITCH? (excuse my language but i mean every word)

            he’s got us serving those white girls while he sits up there with them and not a single one of them offered to help do ANYTHING

            AND I said to myself that will be the LAST DAMN TIME i put myself in such a situation but at the time, there was nothing I could do

            but never again…
            enough is enough

            It’s time for a CHANGE, LADIES

        • Sharon53 says:

          Pam, I agree with you and The OriginalBlackWoman13 comment that the first person most black males — young AND old turn to when in need are black females. I noticed that recently in a few situations. One of my brothers (70 years old) who only date non-black women ended up in jail one weekend for getting too close to his underage bi-racial children. Guess who he calls: one of our sisters to bail him out because he had to have surgery that Monday. She had to go scrambling to borrow the money to get him out. When he had to go for the surgery, there were not any non-black women any where in sight.
          Also there was a guy I had been friendly with who worked at a restaurant. This was someone I had never had any issues with and he always made sure I sat at one of his tables when I came in. Out of the blue one day he made a remark that ‘white women are all good and all black women are evil’ and he walked off. Thinking I misunderstood him, I questioned him and he said it again and walked off. I said I would call him and discuss this with him when I had a chance but sadly I never got the chance because he had a massive stroke not too long after that from which he never recovered, and while he was in the hospital, rehab and his funeral, I never saw not one white woman come in. I think this was a mind-game he was playing but it annoyed me just the same that he thought he could pull that on me. However, that could be damaging for a black woman to hear who does not understand how this system have some of us really confused.

      • Courtney H. says:


    • Providence says:


      You’re a real IDIOT.

      Black people THE WORLD OVER, the origin of ALL MANKIND are indeed admired (hence feared). But of course your context of admiration was meant in that “see muh big black dick” kinda way (rolls eyes).

      Racist whites sex Blacks all the time, but of course you’re too busy ‘tasting the rainbow’ to see that. The posters here gave you plenty of examples. I guess those racist slave masters and their sons just couldn’t resist splitting that sweet Black oak in the slave quarters at night, yet cracking that whip on said Black oak during the day! But of COURSE they weren’t racists according to your logic. How stupid…

      Try thinking more with the head OUTSIDE your pants. If you wanna screw whitey just do so, don’t come here and try to justify it by rambling on about your physical need for a ‘variety’ of exotic women. Why limit yourself? Yeah brah, you already have….

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Jack da rip

      Brother, if you think having “variety” is more important than your FREEDOM and DIGNITY and your ability to have an ECONOMIC BASE that can feed, house, and EMPLOY YOU — you have already LOST THE BATTLE.

      At the risk of wasting too much of my time, I’d like to recommend that you check out Mr. Neely Fuller, Jr. on this site:


    • Sharon53 says:

      Jack Da Rip: You stated that a “A true racist white woman is NOT, I repeat, is NOT banging a black guy. You wana see a true racist, go to Mississippi, Louisiana, a true racist ain’t screwing no black guy.”
      That is the same as saying that the slavemasters who raped and impregnated thousands of African women were not racists. Study your history, please!

    • Timothy says:

      Thank you for showing the link Sister Courtney.

      One part of the story intrigued me about how the couple used exercise. Exercise is very important if someone wants to live long. Exercise can decrease stress, develop the mind, improve the immune system, reduce chances for numerous diseases, and improve human emotions. Black Love is Beautiful and the couple’s love for each other is very inspirational. That represents hope. As long as I live in this Earth, I will never lose hope and faith. Having hope and faith is part of the spiritual traditions. We have to discuss our issues honestly and we have to not only be upright. We have to stand up against the propaganda that slanders black women (as we have to understand what black women are going through and stand up for the humanity of Sisters worldwide) and black people in general. We have to know the signs and act accordingly.

      • Courtney H. says:

        You are welcome, Brother Timothy

        I thought that this is such a sweet story, and I am glad that I linked it. I agree that exercise does lead to long life. It is an inspirational story of Black love.

  13. TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:

    @ TrojanPam

    This is a great post!This is one of those topics that need to be addressed. I noticed as of late how quite a few Black Women Bloggers and writers have been addressing the issue of how Black Women are mistreating each other and how many are aiding and abetting in their own disrespect, denigration, degradation, and erasure of the Black Woman. One Black female blogger I follow just posted a post on the continued erasure of Black Women from society and how some Black Women take part in it. She also mentioned a tumblr page in which she follows in which a bunch of Black Women were having a pity party about how “our men don’t want us.” She went on to say how one Black Woman was happy that a Black Man spoke to her because the Black Men where she lives show contempt toward and don’t speak to Black Women. As I was reading this I was thinking, Has relations between the Black Man/Black Woman have gotten this bad? I was speaking to a Black Male friend the other day who say he believes that self-hatred and other backwards thinking and behavior among Black People is as worse as its gonna get. I don’t know whether I agree with him 100, but it sure looks as if Black people have been displaying the worse thinking and behaviors ever for a while now. I want to believe that there are many Black Men and Women out there who are finding each other doing well despite the mayhem.

    As for the Black Man who said that Black Women/Girls need to stop bringing White females around family and friends, I agree with him which is why I don’t have any white female friends. But my comment to him would be Just because a Black Woman/Girl brings a white female around Black males doesn’t mean that Black males should take up with white females, it’s NO excuse. Don’t Black Men have some type of self control? These Black Women and Girls that bring white females around seem to think so and trust that these Black Men will, but a lot of times they fail. I’ve had Black Men tell me about how they bring their White girlfriends around them and their families and she ends up fucking ALL the Black Men in the family. Tearing the Black family and relationships apart. There’s enough blame to go around.

    I’m noticing how some Black Women have been scared by IR Black Men into continuing to support Black Men in IR because they don’t won’t to be labeled as “jealous.” They are now saying foolishness like “Well it’s just his preference.” This is why Black Men in IR are having their cake and eat it to. They want Black Women to be loyal, but don’t reciprocate and some Black Women are going along to get along. But how’s that working for Black Women? Black Women must OVERstand that loyalty + loyalty= loyalty. I’ve read comments by Black Women Bloggers, Writers, and readers on the web stating that Black Women need to stop taking Black Men who have been in IR back into our lives and beds after fornicating with non-black women. These men want to come dragging their self-hating selves back to Black Women after they outright rejected sistas from jump and things don’t work out with Becky, Maria, and Ming Lee. I’m glad to see that quite a few Black Women are catching on to the foolishness, but there are still many that is not and I’m afraid that it will be a long time til they do cause Black Women are socialized to support any man with Black skin NO MATTER WHAT. It has to end at some point.

    P.S. Do you think that this behavior on the part of many self-hating Black males will cause an increase in Black Women/non-black men in the future?

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ TheOriginalBlackWoman13

      I have witnessed the same things you wrote about, the increasing coldness and distance between black male and black females and the anguish and confusion of black females as to the puzzling behavior of black males toward them.

      Black females, like the women of every group, get their validation from the men in their group. When that validation is withheld, women are traumatized and demoralized and you can see this in the extremes women go thru to be “attractive” to men, like WW starving themselves, BW spending hundreds of dollar a month on longer hair, etc.

      In contrast, men do not look to women to get their validation, they look to other men to validate them, and in a male-dominated society (like the one we live in) women are often marginalized and seen as less valuable than men. That’s one reason our behaviors are so different. There is an automatic assumption that men are inherently more important than women.

      That’s why black female are so super vulnerable to the rejection of black males and why so many black males seem immune to our anguish. We just aren’t important to them in the overall scheme of things but we make men larger than life and more important than our own welfare.

      I am not advocating that BW mistreat or marginalize black males, I’m saying that we must stop playing into this anti-black-female dynamic that makes black females unimportant and black males the most important even when they are mistreating us.

      I’m saying DON’T rescue ANY black male who spends his time, money and love outside his community. Let him get his help from the same people he wanted to be a part of. Because once he gets back on his feet, he might do an OJ Simpson and go back to doing what he was doing before the white people came after him (chase white girls).

      I’m saying DO NOT HAVE SEX with ANY black male who puts non-black females on a pedestal OR who is currently sexing them. Let him stay where he is and make his bed over there. And if he opens a business LET THEM SUPPORT IT. We owe him NOTHING. This may sound harsh — it is– but these are harsh times and we must FIGHT AGAINST OUR MISTREATMENT NO MATTER WHERE OR WHO IT COMES FROM

      I have also noticed a disturbing trend among some black males who are involved with white females who SNEAK around with black women for fun and games behind their white mate’s back.


      How is this mentality possible? Have we become so sick that the men would see us this way OR that we would tolerate it?

      This is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE and no black female should EVER allow ANY man to use her this way. NEVER!

      Black women must stop making it so easy for a black male to parade their non-black “choices” around our girl children and around us– many of who are alone.

      Believe me, NO OTHER GROUP of females would permit the males of their group to so blatantly disrespect them in this way.

      • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:


        I too have witnessed some of the scenarios that you have described above. I notice what seems to be an increasing amount of Black Women who are deciding that we will no longer support Black males who want the Black Woman’s loyalty and support without reciprocation, including the men in their family. My hope is that as time goes that more and more Black Women will open their eyes and stop all this blind loyalty. It’s making us look pathetic. We’ve been putting up with this foolishness for far too long.

        I will continue to support the Black Men who are truly loyal and supportive, who are truly sincere and determined to do there part in eliminating the system of racism white supremacy, and who are truly dedicated to rebuilding the Black Family and Community. Those that are not, can kiss my ass.

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ TheOriginalBlackWoman13

          Some tough love is definitely in order. It is not out of meanness that we should let them go, it is about TEACHING the right lessons to those coming behind them


          and if our black male and female youth see the OPPOSITE lessons being taught, what kind of crop will we produce?

          We are not supporting black manhood by letting the media define what it should be:

          a black male who loves anything but a black female and who will risk life an limb to have sex with a non-black female, to save and protect and rescue white humanity all while ignoring the plight of his women and his people

          and if you think this is an exaggeration, just think about the movies and tv shows with black males in them:

          Red Tails — not a SINGLE black male who was risking their lives for (white) America had a black girlfriend or wife — but one of them fell in love with a white female

          Stay in Focus — Will Smith’s new (and disgraceful) movie where he “partners up” with a white female. I haven’t seen the movie but I bet there isn’t a black female anywhere in his life YET he accepted the role gladly so he can “make more money.”

          “In the Mix” where Usher rescues a white mobster’s daughter

          “The Equalizer” where Denzel Washington risks his life to rescue white people. From what I was told he didn’t rescue any black people

          And I could go on and on it’s easy to see there is a PATTERN — and that black males are being PROGRAMMED ON A GLOBAL LEVEL TO PUT BLACK WOMEN LAST.

          and let’s be real, some have fallen for this message, HOOK, LINE AND SINKER.

          I think black females MUST respect ourselves FIRST and ONLY SUPPORT THOSE WHO SUPPORT US.

          • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:


            Most definitely some people will not like what you are saying, but it is time for Black People to get and give tough love and reality checks. At some point, people have to start being honest and tell the truth. I notice that some Black Women Bloggers (especially those who are feminists/womanist) are giving Black Women some harsh reality checks about our plight as Women on this planet.

            With all the bad examples of what a Black Man/Woman should be and NO GOOD EXAMPLES of Black Couples or Black Families (especially in the media) I’m just afraid for our young people. I often think about Integration and I’m seeing what looks like a good number (especially older black people) are admitting that Integration was the worst thing that has happened to us….next to slavery. WE SHOULD HAVE NEVER INTEGRATED! That’s why we are having this conversation. There is some damage that integration has done that even as terribly horrific as slavery was didn’t do. The Black Family and the Black Man/Black Woman Relationship was STILL intact. Black people were helping each other, speaking to each other, showing care for one another, raising our children properly, supporting Black-owned businesses, etc. Since integration started, things have SLOWLY took a turn for the worse.

            As whites global population continues to dwindle below replacement levels and they become more hostile (considering what you and others before and after are saying and have said what the future looks like for us in the coming years) I am anxious to see how many Blacks will respond when reality hits (and will hit with a vengeance). All of these Black Men who are publicly humiliating and degrading the Black Woman while dating marrying and procreating with other women who really care nothing about them and the Black Man’s plight; I cannot see any blessings coming to these men in the long run. The ancestors are watching! They are who we get our blessings from also. I can’t see how we as a people collectively will continue in this manner against one another. Something gonna bring many self-hating Blacks to their senses and when that time comes they will either get together or perish. For those of us who already see the handwriting on the wall we will survive cause we already knew what was coming.

            P.S. I have more of your post to respond to and I’m doing that one (or two) at a time.

            • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:


              In 3rd paragraph: I meant to say “I cannot seen any blessings coming to these men in the longrun.”

            • Trojan Pam says:

              @ TheOriginalBlackWoman13

              you’re correct, there are a lot of people who don’t like what I have to say but that is their CHOICE. What I have found is people are more offended when you tell the TRUTH than they are when you tell a lie. Most of us have been raised on nothing but lies, so LIES resonate with them, they feel right.

              And you’re right that the white minority population on the planet is becoming more hostile toward non-whites, especially black people and especially right here in America as the black prison population is EXPLODING and black people are going to jail now in Texas for not paying back a Payday loan (!)

              But when you try to warn people that our FUTURE here greatly resembles OUR PAST and that the old fashioned racist violence and discrimination is making a comeback, they look at you like you’re insane. Because, wait a minute! I have white friends and I have sex with white people and THEY would never let anything bad happen to me

              I’m afraid a lot of black people in this country are in for a very rude and mind shattering revelation when this house of economic cards falls and all those black people who took their time and energy and money and love somewhere else — will find themselves UNWELCOME on the white side of town and will be forced to come running back to us seeking shelter and safety, because they forgot their history and dropped their books despite our LONG history in this place.

              • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:

                @ TrojanPam

                Last month I took some time to check the alternative news source that you mentioned (X22 Report). The information there is very frightening and I hope and pray that TPTBs (the powers that be) plans to bring much of their evil dastardly plans to fruition do not happen. But…..on the other hand I’m thinking some of the catastrophes just may have to happen to wake Black People out of this fantasy world with white people. I just don’t know how else or what else will get Black People back together and in our rights minds again.

                Enlightened Black folks dropping knowledge and real news just ain’t doing the trick for some of em and a lot of times the truth is right in their faces, but they ain’t paying that no attention either and many of us are like “What is it going to take!?! I was listening to Prof. Griffs and Zaza Ali’s show NME Minds last night on how the t.v. show empire is damaging to Black People. When I looked at the comments section afterwards I was shaking my head in dismay at some Blacks hard down defending the show and the stereotypical and degenerate behaviors displayed by the characters.

                I also believe that another thing that will wake these Black People who refuse to see the truth is forced segregation brought on with nature’s help or brought on by whites themselves. There are still alot of White People who STILL do not want the company of Black People. A friend notified me sometime last year about a report on the news about White people in one or more southern city or town removing their children from schools where there is a lot Black Children.

                Black people who want to run back to the Black Community in the event either on of these scenarios was to happen should be put through a cleansing and re-programming process before we let them back in. Bottomline!

              • Trojan Pam says:

                @ TheOriginalBlackWoman13

                That is why it took me so long to even mention these alternative news sites like ‘X22 Report’ on youtube and http://Paulcraigroberts.org because I know this info is NOT for the faint-hearted BUT it is necessary that we GROW and EXPAND our awareness of what is really going on because NOT knowing is NO PROTECTION

                Once we know we can make better decisions and it puts things in perspective as to what is really important. If we knew the TRUTH about the real economy, we might not go out there and spend $500 on a silly purse or a pair of shoes or sign a lease for a $70,000 car or get ourselves in a ton of student loan debt.

                That is the value of REAL information and it is time for black people (myself included) to stop PLAYING and HIDING and LYING to ourselves and open our eyes.

                Because there is nothing worse than being blindsided because you didn’t see it coming.

      • reality_check says:

        100% Co-sign. I’ll even go a step further and say that black women really should strike. It grates me to see black men calling for black women to do more, try harder, give more…not realizing that she’s the only thing propping up HIM. When she breaks, stops, or otherwise comes to her senses, then it’s LIGHTS OUT for black men. More of us need to realize that and I think it’s time black women show us this reality.

    • Lumumba Afrika says:

      “As for the Black Man who said that Black Women/Girls need to stop bringing White females around family and friends, I agree with him which is why I don’t have any white female friends. But my comment to him would be Just because a Black Woman/Girl brings a white female around Black males doesn’t mean that Black males should take up with white females, it’s NO excuse. Don’t Black Men have some type of self control? These Black Women and Girls that bring white females around seem to think so and trust that these Black Men will, but a lot of times they fail. I’ve had Black Men tell me about how they bring their White girlfriends around them and their families and she ends up fucking ALL the Black Men in the family. Tearing the Black family and relationships apart. There’s enough blame to go around.”

      I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. However, I would like to clarify why I agree with Pam’s point number 2 so much. I find it tacky and phony when I see Black women with white female “friends”. It is just a general feeling I have about it, especially when the white female adopts “Black” linguistic vernacular (“talks Black”) when they interact. It’s not so much that I don’t think Black women should have white female friends because Black males can’t control themselves. It is just that it demeans the Black woman for her to think that her open enemy can satisfy her needs for companionship more than other Black women who have similar life experiences. Moreover, I always sense that the white female is condescending towards the Black woman in these friendships.

      My sister invited a white woman to be one of her bride’s maids at her wedding, and I was like, “why not just invite her to the wedding and have her sit in the audience with the rest of the people?” Did she have to actually stand up in the wedding party and take photos with the family? So now this is recorded for posterity as if she was a close family friend or something. So this was my motivation for highlighting point number two, although your response is well taken.

      • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:

        @ Lumumba Afrika

        You said, “I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. However, I would like to clarify why I agree with Pam’s point number 2 so much. I find it tacky and phony when I see Black women with white female “friends”. It is just a general feeling I have about it, especially when the white female adopts “Black” linguistic vernacular (“talks Black”) when they interact. It’s not so much that I don’t think Black women should have white female friends because Black males can’t control themselves. It is just that it demeans the Black woman for her to think that her open enemy can satisfy her needs for companionship more than other Black women who have similar life experiences. Moreover, I always sense that the white female is condescending towards the Black woman in these friendships.”

        I agree. Whenever I see Black Women with White female “friends” I think to myself she better watch her back and her man (that is if he’s weak). I have heard many stories of Black Women befriending White Women only to later loose their boyfriend (or husband). I’ve also heard Black Women tell stories about when they look back at White Women friends they’ve had in the past they realized that their White “friend” was indeed a racist and condescending.

        I had an experience one day years ago in which I and my boyfriend at the time was at a local gas station. We ran into a Black Woman and White Woman that were clearly “friends” cause they were riding together. We left the gas station a few minutes before they did, but they just happened to pass us on the street a few minutes later. The white woman gave my boyfriend a smile and a wink as if I wasn’t even there. The Black Woman was driving so I don’t think she saw anything. We both saw her. Of course it angered me. Being a conscious Black Man he knows the tricks white women pull on Black Men all to well, he wasn’t buying and I knew her intentions as well. This sparked a conversation of how her Black “friend” better be on the look out if she got a man. If that white woman did this to me a Black Woman she did not know and was not “friends” with then I know she would’ve done (and I’m willing to bet she did) to this poor Black Woman she was “friends” with.

  14. Shanequa says:

    @ Jack Da Rip
    If black people were so much admire by the world then why are we still protesting when a innocent black men or victim is brutaliy beaten or killed by the police, why do we still have the highest unemployment rate & jail rate for black men & women, why around the world every African in the diaspora is at the bottom of the pole in every country and etc. @ Jack Da Rip you stated in your comment, “a true racist ain’t screwing no black guy,” Strom Thurmond was racist as hell toward black people but he father a child by a black woman. Donald Sterling made a racist comment about black people but he was sleeping with a biracial female.The slave owners especially their white wives was racist toward black people but still rape black men, women and children. The most racist ones are the ones that are always sexing or around black people to try to an gain something that will benefit them.

    How can any black man be proud of being a strong black men for his black community when he loving & sexing women that doesn’t look him or represent his people. You also stated “Cuz let’s be real here, white chics, Spanish chics, Asian chics, etc are fucking just as hot as black females,” You will not see other races of non black men putting black women on pedestal like you see black men do especially not before their own race of women. Look at the message you are putting in little black girls & womens head especially when it comes to beauty standards every race of women are admire but the black woman. Every race of men make their women the ideal beauty standard but the black man.

    You also stated “black men love variety” if that is the case why are all these non black women showing you variety when the justice system is against a black men at all of these protest most of the women that are out their fighting for BLACK MEN are BLACK WOMEN, why are these non black women refusing to hire black men for employment which black men has the highest rate of unemployment follow by black women, and etc. You have black male rappers & singers putting non black women in their videos but you want see non black women putting black men in their videos. You want even see non black men putting black women in their videos as well. So were is the variety when it comes to non black women. If black men doing all of this loving & sexing with non black women why are they not helping you own big businesses like you see every other race of men do.

  15. Alicia says:

    #3,6,7,8,9,10 are on point. This is a great post. I go to a large black church and live in a mixed-income majority-black neighborhood. Most women are married or coupled up. I’m still single, and when I go to certain group events, I see alot of unmarried, never had kids black women as well or have kids and are single. Most black women though have a man, or had a man (ie were married as some point before).

    One thing we are up against is a society that places pressure on black men to abandon us, not protect us and so on. So I think this is an awesome topic and the points made are extremely important. I was watching a video of a handsome rapper who kept using the B#$tch word and the young lady was looking at him, smiling and in support of him. It was so weird. Many of us don’t support that, but many young ladies do which promotes an attitude of disrespect towards women, especially black women.

    Another thing is black women respecting themselves and respecting other black women, in general and especially in front of young impressionable sons, nephews, grandsons,etc.

  16. Courtney H. says:

    I have already posted this audio on another thread, but this deals with interracial relationships:


  17. Joe says:

    I have answer. Find someone that balance you. Most ppl have no idea what that means. No one will every do and or have everything you want so stop asking for it. The object is to fins someone who helps to complete u in areas ur weak and same for them. U can raise man or woman. U cant make them into type of person you want. Finally accept ppl for who they are and were they are in their life. Not everyone wanta to be president, rich, athlete, singer. Im okay working at ihop. Love me still

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Joe

      someone asked “what’s a BW’s definition of a decent man?”

      and I think that’s an important question. I have been guilty of placing too much value on the wrong things and many times a “decent man” was right under my nose but I was looking for the wrong things.

      to find someone who makes a good fit, we have to know ourselves first, And that is a lifelong journey for many people.

  18. @ Trojan Pam
    Did you hear about Lee Daniels beef with Monique? Daniels accused Monique of “reverse racism”. Of course we know such a term doesn’t exist. Daniels needs to be educated on racism. This is a great video by Boyce Watkins.

    • Alicia says:

      Thanks for the link! It’s ashame that black male homosexuality is being promoted on mainstream white tv.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Kushite Prince

      I heard about it and it is just more brainwashed “black celebrities” being used to promote more ant-blackness.

      That is why I maintain that the WORST BLACK ROLE MODELS are black people in the public eye. That includes black POLITICIANS (many of who throw black people under the bus on a regular basis and you know who I’m talking about), and black ENTERTAINERS who pretty much include the first category.

      My premise is ANYTHING a black person is given a mike and speaks into a camera nine time of nine and a half

      they are talking bad about another black person OR black people in general.

      I want all of you to think about the black people who have been given mikes and camera time on mainstream media and listen to what they are saying WHEN they are talking about black people.

      you will find that most of the time it is negative.

      we need to stop uplifting black politicians, preachers and entertainers to our children before we produce ANOTHER generation of low-self-esteemed, anti-black and self-hating black people.

      • reality_check says:

        Agreed! i say the exact same thing. If a black person is given a mic and a camera on mainstream media, then they are working against you. Period.

    • Courtney H. says:

      @ Kushite Prince:

      Thank you for this video. Dr. Boyce Watkins is on point! He is very informative!

  19. Alicia says:

    This Empire show sounds really horrible. I’m hearing so much negative about it. If I had cable or watched TV, it wouldn’t be something I would be watching. The creator or director of the show is the same one who made the extremely negative “Precious” movie? not surprised his sitcom would be awful as well.

    • Timothy says:

      Hello Sister Alicia.

      I have read your recent comments.

      You’re right that both genders in our community must have self reflection and be better people. Many black men and many black women have self hatred and stereotype their own people in offensive ways. We are definitely opposed to some black women dogging out or slandering black men collectively. There are plenty of black women and black men who love black people, who are working in their communities, and who seek justice sincerely. Some black people try to put it into the face of black people that they love white people romantically (in an arrogant, egocentric fashion). I just keep it moving, and promote Black Love in a positive fashion. Black Love is a Revolutionary Act and it is beautiful.

      As for Kim Kardashian, I have no ill will towards her. She is not equivalent to a Limbaugh type. The problem is that some people (including the white establishment) prop her up (via shows, magazines, etc.) as the true standard of beauty and some are exploiting her physical appearance as a means for them to minimize the beauty of blackness (especially the great beauty of black women). She or Kim Kardashian should not be disrespected or maligned. I believe in the Golden Rule. Kim Kardashian is a woman that many find beautiful (her human dignity should be respected), but she is not more beautiful than a black woman. That is for certain. It is just that we should understand how society will use unique tactics in promoting an agenda. I don’t know the stats about who supports Kim Kardashian more. She has many black friends. I do find that many white people don’t like her and I heard conversations from white people in restaurants incognito where white folks just express disapproval of her (in not PC terms). The mainstream media is filled with propaganda.

      Also, you have made an excellent point about the need for us black people to set up our own economic powerbases in a higher level. There is nothing wrong with black people developing more of our own businesses. Also, we need to combat poverty, economic inequality, and other social problems that confront our community. Education is very important to advance as Malcolm X, Dr. King, Mary McLeod Bethune, etc. have promoted for our people. The more we unite with our people (nationally and internationally. I believe in pan African unity), the less we have to deal with racists and other nefarious characters. That’s an excellent point that you have made too.

  20. Shanequa says:

    @ Alicia

    Empire is the worse dysfunctional black television shows I have seen. Every last black character withier they are a biracial, light or dark skinned black person is being thrown under the bus. My coworkers at my job was having a discussion about the shows characters Cookie Lyons played by Tarji P. Henson & Lucious Lyons played by Terrance Howard. I mention how Lucious Lyons is a womanizer, a manipulator and playing with his ex-wife/babymama Cookie & his fiancée emotions and these women are fighting each other over him. Then my coworkers told me he loves Cookie Lyons they have a history together and etc. Cookie Lyons was in prison for 17 years and Lucious Lyons never visit or supported her while she stayed in the system for 17 years. After she gets out he’s still manipulating & playing with her emotions.

    • Alicia says:

      dear jesus, that sounds soo sick and negative. yikes. I hope people are writing Lee Daniels about it. We have to be careful about what’s presented in the media in terms of blacks.

  21. Shanequa says:

    @ Timothy & Kusite Prince as well as other black males commenters.
    I would like to know the stats on single black male as well. We are always hearing about black women being single but what about black men. What effects black women will effect black men too in both ways. If we have single black mothers their are single black fathers. Black men & women are number one in the justice system, unemployment, bad health condition and etc. Every time I here a stats that say 70% of black children living in single parents home I wonder are they including biracial children that have non black mothers/fathers in that count, and black males that are taking care of their children as a single father. I question these stats that are being done on us all the time.

    I always question black men & women who been in a relationship for more then two years that haven’t built a family together nor have plans for their future. I know a African man in the United States been with his black American girlfriend for four years are probably more, no children but are living together not married. He talks about going back home to Africa to marry her but isn’t financially stable to pay for the trip back home. The brother still has a green card, been in the United States for some years, and it seems like he really doesn’t have a exact plan on marrying his girlfriend. What also pissed me off about him was when he mention to me that his girlfriend is lazy because she doesn’t workout to keep herself in shape. You don’t tell outsiders negative comments about your partner. The brother is 38 years old but sometimes I question his committed to his girlfriend. I also wonder is she a seat filler until he finds someone better to marry to gain his citizenship in the United States.

    • Timothy says:

      That is an important question Sister Shanequa. Many people talk about the 70 percent stat about black women, but that statistics has been misinterpreted (as documented by Ta-Nehisi Coates and others). Single mothers are not monolithic. Just because a family is a single parent household, doesn’t mean that one parent isn’t involved in the lives of the children of that household. Also, single mothers don’t need scapegoating. They need economic opportunities, respect, health benefits, sick leave, and other things found realized in the majority of industralized societies. I found a stat (as shown in an article written by Sister Danielle C. Belton) that said that black men from the ages of 25 and 34 are single in the percentage of 43. According to a Pew Research Center research study, they found that a record 8 percent of households with minor children in America are headed by a single father, which is up from just over 1 percent in 1960.

      There is research showing the great role black fathers and black mothers have in the lives of their children like research from the National Center for Health Statistics. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have problems. We still suffer economic injustice, racism, discrimination, many family issues, dating problems, homelessness, poverty, and other complications that we have to confront as human beings. One site called Black Demographics dot com says that 51 percent of all black men have never been married in America. Only 32 percent of black men are currently married according to the site. We have study the situation of our people, so we can establish solutions.

      The story about the African man is a sad story. It shows that we have to take relationship seriously. If a person is not ready for primetime, then that person should not play with people’s emotions or livelihoods. Love and romance are great expressions of human love, but they should not be manipulated or exploited for selfish purposes. We have to tell the youth that long term relationships should be developed and treated with dignity.

      • Shanequa says:

        @ Timothy thanks for the information & you’re one intelligent brother. I’m going to check the website Black Demographics out now.

        P.S. the African man I was telling you about loves to lie & get too comfortable with women he’s attracted too..

    • @Shanequa
      I’ve been dating a woman for almost a year. We met through mutual friends. So far the relationship has been going well. We agree on most issues although not all. She’s an attractive intelligent college educated woman that’s very out going. She does wear weaves quite a bit. I like more the natural look and I’ve told her that. She really doesn’t need a weave at all but I don’t push the issue too much. I’ve watched the films Hidden Colors with her and gave her some black conscious books to read. She’s what I would call semi-conscious.lol She knows a little black history and things about Malcolm X,MLK,Harriet Tubman and the Civil Rights movement. Mostly just general black history stuff. I’ve been trying to raise her consciousness level a bit. But like all of us,she’s a work in progress. These things take time. You can’t force things too hard on people.
      But I understand the frustration for sistas out there. It’s not easy out there to find the right man. But it’s not too easy for us brothers either. It’s some black women out here that have some very strange world views. Plus I live in Cali where the interracial stuff is at an all time high! It’s damn near on every corner! Brothers and sistas got to work this thing out! But we MUST work together to strengthen black love! We all we got!

      • Trojan Pam says:

        @ Kushite Prince

        I agree, it is difficult for black males to find black females who are sincerely interested in being liberated from oppression.

        and as someone asked me in an email, “What is a decent black man?”

        And just as puzzling is, what is the definition of a ‘decent black woman?’

        I really can’t give a generic answer for that

        • I know what you mean. It’s hard to give a simple definition. But I do know a decent black women when I see one. I think it has more to do with how she carries herself in public. And how she treats others. Basically in a classy manner. It doesn’t have anything to do with how intelligent or so-called conscious she may or may not be. At least that’s how I see it.

          • Trojan Pam says:

            @ Kushite Prince

            I think you’re right, what’s decent to you might be different for someone else, for example, to one man a woman who goes to church is a “decent” woman and to another man who doesn’t believe in churches wouldn’t have that criteria in describing a decent woman. But I think some basics always hold true.

  22. Sharon53 says:

    Pam, just to prove your point on number 5 above, I wanted to share the following link:

    This is over the top and extremely disturbing and even more strange is why they videotaped it. And how could that young man sit there and allow that to go on especially while a 3-year old watched also.

    I notice one of them sent an apology letter but even it seems a bit sarcastic to me. She probably did not expect this to go public and is afraid of going to jail.

    • Timothy says:

      Thank you for the showing the link Sister Courtney.

      Good Morning Sister Courtney. 🙂

      It seems that more and more studies confirm what we (as black people) have been saying and writing all along.

      The study is completely right and it confirm our views completely. Colorism is total abomination and it should be ended if we want to be liberated as black people. Dark-skinned black men and Dark-skinned black women are abhorred not only by white racists, but by even some of our own people including many people of color. No black person (regardless of their skin complexion, their nationality, their gender, or their background) should be mistreated or oppressed. Sister Lupita has shown the world how stupid, evil, and nonsensical colorism is. White people having colorism has not been readily discussed or talked about in mainstream media. Yet, we know how white folks using colorism has resulted in massive discrimination and injustice among our communities worldwide. We have to talk about this issue since colorism is an agent of discrimination not only in the job market, but in everyday life. When we say that we are being discriminated against based on our skin complexion, we are telling the truth.

      This study should be shown all over the Internet and talked about in public and in private. Fighting racism and economic inequality are actions that we ought to continue to pursue. The article made the excellent point (I can’t omit this point) that colorism affects relationships, our society in many ways, and it relates to some IRs (because many IRs are a result of colorism, which is a tragedy. YES, BLACK LOVE IS A REVOLUTIONARY ACT). The lie that lighter skinned black people and Hispanics are somehow intellectual superior to dark skinned black people is cruel, hurtful, and disrespectful to all black people (regardless of our hues). Marcus Garvey,Sojouner Truth, Harriet Tubman, Nina Simone, and tons of other black people (who are dark skinned) are extremely intelligent and strong. Mainstream society has been sick to use divide and conquer tragedies (from COINTELPRO to promoting anti-black TV shows) in targeting Black Unity. Black Unity is one great action that we must activate in defeating the nefarious system of white supremacy. White supremacy is evil and the system of oppression is very sophisticated.

      The last sentence of the article sums the point clearly. If we want to end racism, then we have to talk about and combat colorism in all of its dimensions. Things must change. We have to little a black child that they have value and that being Black is Beautiful. Black is Beautiful.

      • Timothy says:

        I meant to write that: “…We have to tell a little black child that they have value and that being Black is Beautiful. Black is Beautiful…”

        My mistake.

        God Bless you Sister Courtney. 🙂

        • Courtney H. says:

          Good evening, Brother Timothy. 🙂

          I knew that was a mistake, so don’t worry about it. Anyway, thank you for reading the article. It was very interesting. A lot of Black blogs are talking about this issue (www.clutchmagonline.com, in particular), so this is a very important issue that needs to be talked about in the broader community even more. I watched the “Light Girls” and “Dark Girls” documentaries, and they were interesting, too.

          I agree with everything that you have said. Colorism has long played a role in racism and discrimination in this country, I agree. Acknowledging that there is a problem is a start to get to a solution.

          And yes — Black is Beautiful.

          • Timothy says:

            Thank you for your words Sister Courtney.

            I really appreciate them.

            Learning information is part of life and it is certainly great that you are showing various links as a means for us to get our thinking stimulated and to be inspired to continue in doing social activism. We have to know the origin of our problems, develop strategies, and execute solutions. Yes, we have to defeat colorism and the concerns of women must be heard and respected. There is no improvement in any civilization without true respect shown to women. Men, who are doing what is right, should be commended too. There is nothing wrong with masculine energy. There is nothing wrong with feminine energy. A man should never be ashamed of his manhood and a woman should never be ashamed of her womanhood. A strong foundation with structure, integrity, and morality always will build up people. We’re not authoritarians or fascists. We are freedom loving people who have a deep love for black people and we want all black people to be free. We have to discuss about these issues and not back down from our core convictions. The power of men and women ought to harness in a positive way, so our communities are strengthened. This process won’t be easy, but we do these things not because they are easy. We do what is right, because it is right and just.

            Keep up the great work Sister. 🙂


            • Courtney H. says:

              Good afternoon, Brother Timothy. 🙂

              Thank you for your kind words and compliments. I really greatly appreciate them. I like to going to blogs such as this one because I learn a lot from other posters, even when I don’t agree, because you have to look different perspectives. Learning is a lifelong and often difficult process. It helps us to grow, and growing ourselves helps our communities to grow, too. This is exactly what we need as a community.

  23. Courtney H. says:

    @ Everybody:

    What do you think of this?


    I would like some feedback. Thanks.

    • Timothy says:

      I like the website’s views on black history matters and its respect for black women’s right to have their freedom of autonomy.

      Yet, that site is very clear on its agenda and its intentions (of promoting interracial relationships). In my view, a black man should just move forward, do what is what, and fight for positive change in the black community. The Brother has the right to write his letter and the site has the right to respond to his letter. His letter didn’t have malice intent in my opinion. That site is clear that they don’t want to deal with black men in a romantic sense at all. The truth is that both genders should improve their own lives. We have work to do. Some black women will be involved in intraracial relationships and some will be involved in interracial relationships. The black man who wrote the letter should just live his life positively. The people on that site don’t want to be shamed, but no honorable black man should be disrespected either. IR Black women should not be shamed, but all black men are not monolithic. That site talks about single parents, but single parents are not monolithic. Many single parents have raised strong children. One problem is economic inequality which has harmed many families regardless of a family social composition. If we had more economic justice, our families (regardless if they were nuclear, single, blended, etc.) would be stronger. It is the corporate elite that uses the system to oppress black people economically and politically.

      There are tons of black men worldwide who are upright, doing what is right, and are taking care of their families. Black males who are doing wrong should not be omitted as we have a serious problem of many black males mistreating black women. Too many black men are messing up and acting in a dysfunctional fashion. Those black men ought to be called out. One easy action to address this problem is for black men to check black males mistreating black women or black people in general. There are many groups in our community fighting for change. Change is not just about admitting the problems. It is about making solutions. My view is that we have to allow people who want to be involved in IRs to live their lives (without harassment or mistreatment). People who believe in Black Love (like I do) ought to live our lives (without harassment or mistreatment). That plan will work wonders. Since that site wants black men to keep it moving from them, then I will keep it moving and promote liberation for black people.

      Also, what is wrong with fighting for Black Love. What is wrong with that. Nothing. Black Love is a Revolutionary Act.

      Another point is to be mentioned too. A black person can never be real unless they show respect to honorable black men and to honorable black women. There is no freedom for the black community unless black people among both genders are free. Collectively bashing black men is just as evil as collectively bashing black women. We have to know our condition, help our people among both genders (as black women and black men should be treated with dignity and with respect. Black people of both genders have dreams and aspirations), and fight for justice.

    • Good LORD! Those women hate black men with a passion! I can’t stand sites like that. Too much anti-blackness for me! YIKES!!!!

      • Courtney H. says:

        @ Brothers Timothy and Kushite Prince:

        Thank you so much for your responses to this post. I read the man*s letter, the editor*s letter and some of the posters. Some of those comments were so hateful! And what is wrong with fighting for Black love? If it*s okay for people to speak up on behalf of IRRs, then it*s okay for people to speak up on behalf of Black Love. I agree with everything you upright Brothers have said! Again, thank you for your responses!

        • Timothy says:

          Good Afternoon Sister Courtney 🙂

          Thank you for your words Sister Courtney.

          You have a great light and you have shown the truth. Also, Kushite Prince is a Brother who will make the plain as well. We have to make it plain as our ancestors did.

          I agree with your words as well. There is nothing wrong with advocating Black Love.

  24. I wont lie,I’ve enoyed a lot of films by Will Smith. I think he’s a talented actor. But I can’t take it anymore. I wont be seeing Focus. I can no longer support these films that keep this interracial propaganda going. I think black love should be promoted. I am SICK of this nonsense! I see it everywhere in films,sitcoms and commercials. It’s an insult to ALL black people. It’s time to speak with our dollars!

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Kushite Prince

      the sad thing I bet there were a ton of black females sitting in that theater watching Will Smith with a white female

      and see nothing wrong with it

      even while they complain about black men dating WW and

      that they can’t find a good black man

      It’s like they’re masochistic and relish being disrespected

      and quite honestly, I’m beginning to believe that we think that’s all we deserve

      I don’t get it.

  25. Omay Farlane says:

    This is the most honest and in your face blog I ever read. Great Kudos. Thank god I don’t watch TV! I think we have to be done and be clear about it.

  26. yes to all of these. the tv shows hardly have black women so why even watch when u are not represented? And when we are represented it’s always the usual sapphire and jezebel stereotypes being shown. Take our money and support elsewhere, there are black web series on youtube and then there are plenty of black books to read so it is no excuse.

    I have not seen empire I’ve heard about it but I won’t watch it, when these shows come on black and non black people watch it, and will compare us to these characters.

    We must respect ourselves and each other first, before we can fix anything else. black women should compliment each other instead of competing against each other.

    Black women should stop fighting other people’s battles, everyone wants the “angry black woman” to come to their defense but nobody wants to be criticized by or come to the defense of the “angry black woman”. Don’t support people that don’t support u, that includes businesses, entertainment, and males. Let there be consequences for people mistreating us, either ignore or boycott.

    Even if these suggestions do not get u a man they are things u should be working on whether u have one or not. I am still young so I can’t fully understand how it is for older sistas that want marriage and kids but haven’t found someone to do that with. Not everyone will find their equal, then it becomes a matter of do u settle or just stay single. Either way enjoy life, I know ppl hear this all the time, but it’s true, most adult life is work, sleep, eat, and school, there’s hardly any time for fun.

    Value ur commitments, be on time, be involved, be there. Don’t say or act like marriage is just a piece of paper, I hate to say it but people value money more than anything. if u tell someone money is just a piece of paper and holds no value and burn it they will look at u crazy, they understand money is made of paper but it is valuable it is used to purchase things. If u are married and u do not uphold ur promises nobody bats an eye.People look at marriage as a piece of paper and do not value it because it is an agreement, it does not make them money so they do not care, they talk more about divorce because it can make them money or cost them money. If u view a dead white man on a dollar as more valuable than ur relationships and commitments u have work to do.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ mstoogood4yall

      a long time ago someone once said, “the black woman is the mule of the earth” and when you think about it, there’s a lot of truth to it.

      We were sexual chattel and blamed for our own rapes. Even to this day I hear some black people describing the sexual attacks of white slave owners as consensual relationships and the old phrase “black woman in a red dress” — meant that black female slaves were ‘conspiring’ with the white man sexually in exchange for a red dress. As though they had a right to refuse.

      Black women raised white women’s babies and had to take all the blame when we didn’t always have enough time or were too tired from scrubbing Miss Ann’s floors to raise our own

      we cleaned white people’s houses at the same time we had to duck the sexual advances of the “master of the house’s” and his sons and male relatives when black males were denied the right to work. And if we were raped, we had to keep silent because we couldn’t go to the police.

      Even to this day, when black people and black organizations talk about saving black youth, they are nearly always talking about black male and black boys.

      There is almost NO conversation about the plight of black girls — and let’s be REAL about that.

      And if our girls stumble and fall all the blame in the world is HEAPED upon their heads for having babies when they are still children

      And when it comes to sexual assault and rape black females are PRESSURED by the black community to “not put black men in jail.”

      I know this is true because that was the reason a black female who had been raped gave as her reason for not reporting it to police.

      “I didn’t want to put any more black men in jail.”

      Even to the extent of letting her rapist go free, some of us still put the black male’s welfare ahead of our own.

      I am not saying that black females are saints. Nor am I saying there aren’t decent black males that do their part when it comes to supporting and raising and loving their families. And I am not saying we shouldn’t help each other

      I am saying STOP BEING USED by those who do not appreciate OR respect black women.

      Stop giving your time, money and body to anyone who does not appreciate OR respect black women.

      And stop supporting ANYONE who says or acts or thinks that black women are not “good enough”

      We have to STOP treating black entertainers like they are black royalty

      for the most part they are a disgrace–in my opinion–for the roles and music they play and the damage they are used to do to our black youth.

      It is time for a CHANGE

      that is what I’m saying

      • Providence says:

        Ouch@ “the black woman is the mule of the earth”. Hard to hear, but sadly, its the truth. History proves it. However, another side of this history that is NEVER discussed is “WHY” the Black woman is the MULE of the earth. And that is simply because she is the MOTHER of the earth. She is the FIRST AND ONLY woman made in the Image of the Almighty by His own Hand. The mother of ALL mankind. Everyone sprang forth from HER womb. NO OTHER WOMAN CAN LAY HOLD TO THAT CLAIM — be it scientific (Lucy) or spiritual (Eve). The Black woman is Sara. She is Rebekah. She is Mary. She is the WOMAN in Revelations clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, wearing a crown of twelve stars representing THE MOST HATED PEOPLE ON EARTH, the priests of the Most High who have been targeted by the father of lies to be wiped out from the foundation of the earth.

        We may be ‘mules’ the world over; from the African woman, to the Dravidian to the Aborigine, to the Amazon, to the Metro NYC girl, and everything else in between. But trust, its NOT without a reason, this is NO coincidence. This is SPIRITUAL.

        • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:

          @TrojanPam and Providence

          It was Zora Neale Hurston, Black Woman author, folklorist, and anthropologist who said “Black Women are the Mules of the World” and lord knows that is sooo true.

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ Providence

          Absolutely, we are in a spiritual war and we have been blinded by false religions.

          Black people are still practicing the same slave religion in the same manner that the white slave owners taught us and what was the purpose of teaching us what they taught us?

          to MAKE US SUBMIT TO BEING SLAVES with the hope of a better day…AFTER WE DIED…while the same slave owners, armed with a Bible and a whip, taught us to worship God and his son in his OWN IMAGE — while he AND his wife USED VIOLENCE AND TERROR TO keep us in line while they fattened their pockets off our blood sweat and tears which to this day has BUILT THE WEALTH OF WESTERN WHITE WORLD.

          And to this day, a lot of black churches still have a white Jesus on their walls which is the same thing as believing that if Jesus is white, so is GOD.

          Malcolm X said it best: “So you call for the same God he calls for. When he’s putting a rope around your neck and he calls for God and you call for God and you wonder why the one you call on never answers.”

          I believe in God, but I do NOT believe in pimps masquerading as preachers, or using ATMs in pews, or pimp-preachers asking for credit reports to join a church or to see the tax returns so they can determine how much the congregation can afford to pay — and YES, this is happening in some black churches, including condoning homosexual “marriages” when their OWN BIBLE condemns the practice.

          And check this, married Bishop Long in Atlanta was KNOWN to molest young black boys in his church YET his congregation put their NEED to BELONG TO A SOCIAL CLUB ABOVE THE WELFARE OF THEIR BLACK BOYS.

          This is SPIRITUAL WARFARE in a white supremacy system and we are LOSING THE BATTLE because we do NOT WANT TO WIN BAD ENOUGH

          • Providence says:

            Amen Ms. Pam. We are a THREAT — otherwise disguised by the world as a people who deserve to be treated as scum. Or as the “mules of the earth”. Whatever. Nobody goes through the lengths the white man has to deceive the whole world into believing he is the creator when in fact he’s the LAST man to be civilized on this earth. Who was the first? That’s right. And we’ll be the last ones standing too. They’ve devised all kinds of schemes to destabilize and eventually exterminate Black populations everywhere, but the white man’s devices just won’t work. What’s that song by Bebe’s kids, “we don’t die we multiplyyyyy” lol. Just as the Hebrews did in Egypt — nothing has changed. But yeah, our children need to be taught of their true origins looong before their ancestors came to these shores. They need to also be taught that white people mutated from the Black offspring of Black Adam and Black Eve. The scientific and historical community know this truth isn’t even up for debate, but for obvious reasons, this information doesn’t trickle into the academic or theological sphere. As it may well be — we can’t expect the system of white supremacy (academia, media, religion, etc) to provide us anything useful or accurate about ourselves. The information is too damning. Nonetheless, we need to take charge and be fierce custodians of our OWN history, and pass this knowledge down to our children. Knowing and understanding our true and rich past, spanning every corner of this planet, is KEY to our collective self-actualization, self-pride and self-preservation.

        • Timothy says:

          That is why the haters hate the black woman so much. They or the black women are mothers of human civilization literally. That is why black women should be treated with respect and also we should not call anybody “conscious” if they degrade black women. A real revolutionary rejects misogyny and acknowledges the excellent contributions that black women have made for humanity in general. Black men and Black women should appreciate our fundamental humanity and our gifts that the Most High has given us. Many excellent, classic comments here accurately talk about this struggle being a spiritual struggle between good and evil. We know who the evil forces are. That’s self explanatory. I do find that those who are righteous (and who sincere show goodness in public and in private) have a great sense of enlightenment and they have true love for black people. Love is not just about goodwill. Love is about demanding justice and demanding real change. The ego and selfishness must be gone, because we are fighting for not only the survival of ourselves. We are fighting for our people and our communities which exist globally. Our thoughts, our words, and our actions should be in accordance to wisdom, truth, and integrity. Healthy eating, exercise, meditation, and studying do go a long way in increasing our consciousness and loving our black African identity even more.

          This is a long struggle. No one said that it will be easy, but we fight despite that. We fight, because it is always right to do right. Many people are waking up. Unfortunately, some will only wake up when they experience a rude awakening. The cancer of self-hatred among some black people have caused them to suffer all sorts of problems. The soul of our people must heal as we (collective) are in need of massive healing (from centuries of oppression). We are entitled to freedom and we will believe in change for the sake of our ancestors as well.

          • Providence says:

            @Timothy, well said. We’re the most hated in this world b/c quite frankly we’re the most loved. It can’t be any other way. Its just like what you said. The prince of this world and his agents run this world, so if we’re the mules of the earth, then hey — we mules should gladly accept that. However, that doesn’t make us inferior, not by a LONG shot. Inferior by whose standards? Pam summed it up beautifully “being strategically placed in an inferior position doesn’t equal being inferior, but its the perpetrator that is in fact inferior”. I know WHO and WHOSE I am, hence nothing bothers me like it did in the past. And its very encouraging to see truth seekers on here who are strong, bold and enlightened as well.

            • Timothy says:

              It is certainly great to see strong, wise Brothers and Sisters here indeed Providence.

              We’re the most copied and mimicked group of people in the world. They overtly hate us with a passion, but they subconsciously are jealous of our strength, our resiliency, and our presence. You made a great point about standards too. The white racists use faux standards in falsely classifying people as “inferior,” but their standards are blatantly biased and arbitrarily created. Many of these faux standards have been established by racists and eugenicists. We know who we are and no propaganda will intimidate us. The perpetrators of injustice and white racism are truly without character and without integrity. They or white racist claim to be intellectually inferior, but they contributed to the bad economic recession that we still experience to this very day after numerous years. This discussion is an important one to have, because in order for us to be completely free, then we have to have discussions, change society, and make sure that the dignity and the human rights of black females & black males are respected. Enjoy your Day.

  27. kowaba says:

    Thank you for writing such an honest post as well as providing accurate observations regarding the IR relationships between black and non-black individuals particularly what the offspring of said relationships experience. As a direct result of such a relationship, I can honestly say your observations hit the mark and were everything I would have noted as well. I really wish people were more honest. For my own experience, I’ve had to heal myself. I’ve had to realize that being black, part-black, and/or just classified as black in this system I will face 24/7 terrorism not only from white people, but also from non-white/non-black people. I understand too now that Chinese people will never hire me or accept me into their group. Nor do I need their acceptance because they will never give me validation or my own self worth.

    I did want to piggy back on what you said in one of your previous comments regarding the difficulty “mixed race” people may have. For me the sense of alienation and abandonment from my parents especially has truly stifled and crippled my development. I’ve sought out counseling and therapy for my issues ( identity disorder) to no avail.

    The propaganda spewed about IR relationships to be the panacea to racism is completely inaccurate. If things continue to go as is, the U.S. will be looking a lot like Brazil. I feel many mixed people go on tangents about how they are forced to choose. Or how they should have the right to self identify. Even feeling some sort of obligation to embrace both sides is incredibly dangerous. I feel like if a person embraces both sides they may make excuses for the side that is oppressing them and may even endure such abuse and mistreatment because of an obligation to a parent who never cared about the child in the first place.

    I’ve tried to do that in the past -to embrace both sides- and have come to the conclusion that everyone ostracizes black people. I’ve stopped wasting my time explaining anything to anyone. People seem to have selective amnesia and forget anyway. The stereotypes, people’s blatant disregard for facts have convinced me to resign myself to just exist as I am for I have no control over what others think of me, nor could I prove anything to them otherwise. There is no self identifying, no actions that I can do to escape this condition. The question to me has always been that my suffering was because I couldn’t escape myself. I couldn’t run away from who I was or the reflection in the mirror.

    In many ways mixed people (if one considers them an entirely different group) I think have parallels to black people. History shows it. The RWS framework at its core is much the same as it was hundreds of years ago. Analyzing history, I believe many mixed race people would realize 1) they are being duped 2) they will be used as pawns against black people. For instance, could people actually see the slaves saying well I’m not black therefore I’m not a slave. No. Of course not because the categories were controlled by white people. In my opinion, the whole point of the categories is to distribute resources and power to a certain group of people. I went to this lecture last week and the presenter even said freed blacks could not escape the stigma of being a slave, so they had to walk with their freedom papers. Everyone assumed their condition by their appearance. Hmm. . not much has changed, has it?

    Please correct me if I’m confused or am talking crazy. Also I want to say thanks to others who have brought up great points and information.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Kowaba

      Good to hear from you, and no, I don’t think you’re talking crazy. I think it’s natural to have some confusion about an artificially designed system that was created for ONLY ONE PURPOSE: to practice racism/white supremacy by confusing non-white people.

      because when you think about it, aren’t most black people in the U.S. “mixed?”
      and what about the white people who have a mixture of Indian and African blood, who tan easily, who have dark eyes and hair, and sometimes wavy and curly and frizzy hair? The odds are they are “mixed” too.

      White supremacists have used the skin color scheme to keep non-whites at each other’s throats. And the sad thing is most don’t even question it, and that’s something I don’t understand. How can you not question insanity? How can I be “black” when I look white? And who made up the names ‘black, yellow, red, brown, green and orange people?

      It’s insanity

      and as far as a child who is born to two different groups, I have never met one that didn’t have major problems regarding their ethnicity. I have heard many stories about not feeling loved, not being accepted, being made fun of for looking more black than white, etc. I know of black people with a white parent (usually the mother) who said they were called ‘nigger’ by their mother and told to stop acting like a nigger

      I think it is IMPOSSIBLE that a person who is a racist is NOT going to harbor some racist feelings when they have a non-white or black child. Impossible. And people need to stop being so naive pretending that having a child means you MUST love them. It doesn’t mean any such thing. I do feel that the racist may have an “attachment” to the child but not love in the way they would love a white child.

      I remember reading a long time ago when I was about 8 or 9 years old, this white female admitting that when she saw a black child she didn’t feel that sense of maternal instinct that she felt with a white child, even a strange white child and I remember thinking, wow, that’s kinda scary, like she didn’t see black kids as fully human. But as I got older I understood that was an honest moment for her and for me and we need MORE of those ‘moments’ not less

      Let’s stop pretending. That should be the New Year’s resolution for everyone on this planet, especially black people. Let’s start telling the truth and stop acting like life is some TV talk show where we should only say the things that are politically correct (another way of saying I’m saying what I think I should say)

      And I have read emails from BM who said after having a child with a white female she didn’t want them around the child.

      Now, of course, these problems aren’t limited to any one group, but I have seen so many conflicted people of mixed parentage that it’s hard for me to understand how a black and a white or a black and any other non-black can come together and decide to make a child just because he or she will be “cute” and totally ignore the effect this will have on that child.

      And yes, mixed people are used against their black brethen everywhere in the world, from Brazil to Africa to the U.S.

      And we have a prime example right there in the White House, and if black people don’t see that by now, I don’t know what to tell them.

      • kowaba says:


        Yes. I think many black people are mixed, so in some ways I think it is easier if you are mixed with black because there is more of an acceptance in phenotype (that is a person doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb among other black people). That is why there are black people that look white. The thing that I would say differentiates mixed black people with one black parent is the fact that if you have one parent that is not black that really will affect you (even if people want to acknowledge that or not). Viewpoints, habits, other characteristics, and personality traits are picked up from the non black parent consciously and subconsciously which can cause a disconnect when dealing with other black people. How that non black parent is treated by others (better than black people) and how they treat black people and how black people treat them. For me, my mother, being non-black at time has been treated much better by black people than me during my presence. In addition, the relationship my parents had was not between two black people. It makes for a shaky foundation that is hard to reconstruct. How would I know how to interact with other black people? Can I ever overcome my feelings of disconnect and discomfort with other black females? That’s something that I would have to deal with on my own since my parents are unwilling and unable to help me.

        I would also say to some extent I would liken a black person that has two black parents and looks mixed and then a “black” person with one non black parent as being similar to those non white people that are adopted by white families. There is one particular story that I think about that is evident it is very detrimental to the individuals. It’s about these two Chinese girls; they were adopted separately, but were actually twins and it was found out by the adoptive parents that they were before even leaving China. One of the girls ended up living in Norway where she is the only Asian person. It’s really sad that she will have identity issues growing up and feelings of isolation. I truly believe now that people are hardwired to interact and feel a sense of belonging with people that do look like them. Both sets of parents are incredibly selfish. Here it is these identical twins can’t even at least have each other to play with and interact with. It will really screw up the children’s heads in the end especially the girl in Norway. So here they are fully Chinese and look Chinese. I’m sure that other Chinese people have expectations that they assume these girls would know about, but have no clue because of their selfish adoptive parents that won’t even allow them to be exposed to their culture and their identity. What I’m trying to say is that if a person has an unstable sense of identity they are up against a lot more. And some or probably most never recover.


        This question actually reminds me of two incidents that happened when I was in high school. First one was this Italian American girl who told me that she would get a lot darker than I was during the summer when she was a child. She said that she was terrorized as a child. She would leave the house and would be yelled at called nigger and spat on. At least this is what she claimed. She also told me how her mother was in a relationship with a black male (for years), whom she wanted to marry. She said that her grandparents made her mother’s life hell when she was with this black male. When she tried to marry him the maternal grandparents threatened to disown the mother and refused to talk to her until she broke up with the black male. She said her mother ended up marrying another Italian person and that both sets of her grandparents are from Italy and that they would have to speak Italian at home.

        There was another girl. She said she was Jewish, but she told me that she was mixed with a lot of different ethnicities. She said she had to get Japanese hair straighteners and perms because her hair was so kinky. I have never seen a “white” person’s hair so kinky before. It was at least 4b curls.


        I can only speak on my own experience about parents calling their child a nigger. It is a given and not surprising at all that White people would spew such a thing to their offspring. They seem to not have a problem to reproduce offspring and then to have them work for free (like in the slave days). I’m sharing my own experiences because I think some black people are under this facade that non –white/ non -black people are our friends and they can’t mistreat black people or some bs like that. I recall one time my mother of course in anger said to my brother I don’t raise niggers. It was a time when my brother was rejecting his Asian side and embracing his black side. He was studying black history, listening to rap etc. My mother was trying to make sure that he would stick with extra -curricular activities so he could get into a good college. I guess this is how she would justify such a statement. I was shocked but at the same time confused because my brother and I would always say that everyone treated us like black people anyway and Chinese people would treat white people better than us even though they knew that we were half Chinese. And my mother married and had offspring with a black male. Really what did she expect? Did she really think that anyone would care what she did to help us? In a certain sense, it is tragic that people can’t see others as individuals, but this is the system that we live in.

        In terms of white people admitting that they feel nothing when they see other people’s suffering. Many have told me this to my face. I don’t know why these white people think I think like them. I would tell them I can’t teach you to be human. Some try to figure out what I am, by asking me these stupid coded questions like oh is your name part of some ethnic tradition, or where were you born etc. These punks are not getting an answer from me that’s for sure. It’s just another thing that they will use against me anyway. Plus, they still will treat me like crap, so what’s the point. I’m tired of these punks trying to pull one over me because I’m mixed. Anyway, just went on a rant there. Many white people have openly admitted to me all of those things that we, black people suspect. The discomfort and disdain of seeing a black person who has their confidence and dignity intact or the spirals of a black person’s hair even the skin complexion that makes them jealous. Many white people when I get darker over the summer have told me that they are jealous of my skin tone. So yes they are jealous. I just wanted to put that out there so it is no longer a matter of speculation.


        I agree it just really shows how selfish, idiotic, and delusional these parents are. For the white people involved, well, they are just plain evil and sadistic (probably find pleasure and joy in seeing their offspring abused and mistreated). Dismissing their children’s suffering to everyone is mistreated the same way. Some people with curly hair or too tall or too short that people will not like a person because of these things. At least this is what my parents told me. Come On! It seems that’s a way to derail the issue and not confront it at all. Being too tall, or skinny are completely different things than being spat at and shot dead in the street left to die a slow and painful death. Then these parents have the audacity to say that their children have no identity issues. Who would want to talk to their unsupportive, dismissive parents about these things anyway? And no, ignoring the issue like it doesn’t exist does not help anything or anybody, except for the White Supremacists.

        By the way, when I spoke to my dad about this issues of BM not wanting me and that they only approach me after all of the non-black women rejected them and my anger of being last choice. He laughed at me! So people need to think about how these relationship really screwed up the mind of the offspring.

        As for President Obama, yes he is just a puppet for WS. The WS in no way would allow him to actually rule to help black people. Remember one of their fears is for the black man to rule over white people and seek their vengeance on the white population. He was raised by his white mother and grandparents for goodness sakes. Can we really expect much?

        Sorry for the anger in this post, but this stuff really needs to be shared. I hope this information is helpful to everyone here.

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ kowaba

          First, I want to thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. I’m sure there are people out there who are walking in your shoes OR who have brought or are thinking of bringing children into the world via a “IR” relationship.

          Second, there is so much to address in what you said I don’t know where to start.

          But, I can say from my experiences that the black people I have known who had children with a white person, neither parent has been willing OR capable of having a HONEST conversation about racism because they’re not honest with each other OR why they came together in the first place.

          This young black female with a white mother sent me an email a few months ago, asking if we could have a conversation on the phone and I called her and we talked for a good two hours and she confirms what you have written

          She said that her black father was not comfortable talking about racism in front of his white wife

          and her white mother refused to talk about racism and derailed any conversations about it even though her children are victims of it

          Now, what kind of “mothering” is that? That’s like knowing your child might be exposed to an illness and you don’t try to protect them against it?

          That is the “disconnect” that I talk about between a white parent and their non-white child.

          And then there’s the opposite end of the spectrum, the ‘liberal, enlightened” black and white couple who throw a lot of words around but who NEVER get to the real meat of things because then they have to look at each other and ask some tough questions about why they’re together when more than likely one of them is a racist.

          And I have watched the MASSIVE confusion that these offspring deal with and usually get little to no help with their identity issues from their black or white parent.

          I believe your father may have laughed at your pain because he was too uncomfortable and/or felt guilty for creating the situation. At least I hope it was that as opposed to just not being empathetic to a black female, even his own child.(?)

          but, understand, any black person in one of these long-term IR relationships often exhibits bizarre behavior regarding the feelings of other black people.

          • kowaba says:

            Thank you for your response, Pam. I find it sad that the young black female with the white mother doesn’t get much support and I’m not surprised at all to hear that. But it’s great to read that you were there for her and listened to her situation. To be blunt, I think that her situation is worse than my own, that is, when the black individual has a white parent(particularly, a white mother). I believe some offspring delude themselves to think that things are getting better in terms of race relations, so they look to their parents’ relationship as evidence of such improvement. Good for her on being brave and questioning her circumstances and situation. It really takes courage and a lot of hard work to come to terms with these issues.

            As for her mother, we can’t really expect much. It is sad that she can’t go to her mother for comfort and protection AND that her mother is not fulfilling her roles and duties as a parent. Don’t care what anyone tells me, if you are to bring a child into this world and knowingly allow them to be abused and don’t intercept because you want to remain feeling comfortable, that’s just selfish and not the mark of a good parent.

            It actually reminds me of another situation that I forgot to mention in my previous comment. I was speaking to one of my father’s friends (they worked together in Trinidad), I told her of my low self esteem, unstable identity etc; she then mentioned to me that her son married a white female. The two have a daughter. Apparently, this white woman doesn’t allow her daughter to be around ANY black people. She also doesn’t allow her daughter to have any black friends. My father’s friend said that she knows for a fact her granddaughter is going to have problems growing up because she is undeniably black, but has no exposure or connection to black people. I think she tried to talk to the mother, but the mother refuses to help the daughter. Such a shame and really setting the child up for more hardships later on in life. These white women or white parents know that the child will be ostracized by the white community, yet won’t even provide the child the option to be around other people than those who abuse and oppress them.

            My other story relates to one of my brother’s friends. One of his friends was mixed; he had a black father (dark skinned) and white mother. My brother would tell me how his friend seemed to have identity problems because his father insisted that his son should play tennis and do all of those other kind of things. My brother’s friend also had a sibling, who was a year older than I am. I remember the only time, I knew that I wasn’t the only one feeling uncomfortable was when I saw this sibling with a group of white kids. He looked absolutely miserable. :/ But when he saw me, he seemed excited to see another mixed person, it was like we exchanged knowing glances of what it feels like to be mixed. I felt really bad for him though. My heart truly broke for him and how he really had no one to talk with. Of course, at that time I was completely oblivious to when someone is trying to befriend me or needed someone to talk to. Ah whatever, I was too shy at that time anyway to approach him. I think sometimes “monoracial” people can be very judgmental of mixed people. Sometimes you try to connect with “monoracial” people and there are all of these expectations and assumptions dumped onto you and you may not feel connected in anyway. And then confusion ensues. Divided loyalties wanting to please both sides even though one of the sides wants to see the worst from you (the white or non-black side).

            As for my father, I don’t want to paint an overly negative picture of him. Now that I think back to the things my father did. He did try. Even though I still think he has a lot of issues (like he does a lot of contradictory things, that confuses me), and I am not one who should judge because I have a lot of issues as well. But my father, when I was growing up always told me I was pretty. And would tell me that all different types of women could be pretty, no matter what their race. He also, after I started having a more stable relationship with him, tried to connect me with other black females like relatives or friends of his to help prepare me for life. By that point I was already in college though. He has admitted to me several times how guilty he feels about the whole situation with my mother, the divorce etc. The suffering that I had to be put through because of the choices he’s made. Like, my mother forcing her Chinese culture onto me and it not being acceptable if I didn’t comply. He has also said in the past, how he wishes that black women could get black men, so I don’t know why he would laugh when I voiced my frustration, but perhaps he felt so much pain the only thing he could do was laugh. He even told me a few times that he wishes that he had married this black girlfriend that he had and that I’d probably feel more stable as a female. But I feel like to those things he primarily was explaining those things to me because of the divorce and how it wasn’t my fault. The whole upbringing situation is very complicated and multi-layered.

            Anyway, I hope that my sharing these experiences can be helpful to others to see what really is happening despite what is being portrayed in the media.

            • Providence says:

              @kowaba — thanks so much for sharing your story. I’ve learned so much from reading your comments. Are you close to either of your parents now? What about your extended family from either side?

              • kowaba says:

                Hi Providence,

                I’m so glad that you learned much from my experiences. I wouldn’t say that I am particularly close to either of my parents now. For sure, I feel a bond with them, but I try to have some sort of distance. For one reason, it’s because I find how they view many things can put me into a tailspin of depression so I have to constantly be on guard with how I process information from them. I found my relationship with my mother had become co dependent and she seems to want to spend unreasonable amounts of time with me. In that way I have had to maintain more rigid boundaries with her. My father I speak to once in awhile more regularly than with my mother because he is more cognizant of my time and makes it easier to contact him. I would say I speak to my parents on average once a month. Even with my brother, I don’t speak to much especially since he’s gotten married; I haven’t been able to spend quality time with him alone. I usually meet up with him during Thanksgiving and birthdays.

                As for my extended family, I wouldn’t really call it relationships. I speak to them maybe every five or ten years. And some relationships are completely estrange. I didn’t really have relationships with my grandparents because half of them were in another country (Trinidad) while I was growing up and they never emigrated here. My maternal grandmother passed away before I was born and my maternal grandfather passed away a few months after I was born. One of my aunts (mother’s sister) I recall as a child was very warm with me. I never felt left out or “othered” or ostracized in any way. I saw her several years ago again, and she was still the same (treated me in the same manner), but it’s hard to reach her or contact her because her partner imposes restrictions against who she can contact. I would describe my mother’s relationships with her siblings to be volatile, so even if they may have mended their relationship, now as of this time, they are estranged (willfully) or have lost contact with each other.

                I have three cousins on my mother’s side. Two of them are Chinese and White. I don’t particularly like them. My interactions with them were in a way stand offish. I hadn’t seen them in years and then when my mom and aunt reconciled I saw them again when I was in high school. Both of these cousins, asked me what it was like to be black? I was offended by that because it was, in my perspective, saying you are not my cousin and we are not family. I told them well you are mixed etc and so am I. I couldn’t give a completely accurate description since I don’t know what it’s like to have two black parents. Plus our moms are sister. Then they came with oh well you look black and that is what you are considered, and I consider you etc. Very rude if you ask me. I forgave them after that incident gave them a second chance, but they continued to do crappy things, so I just stay away from them which is not difficult since they don’t make an effort on their end to have a relationship with me. I have one other cousin on my mother’s side. She actually is black and Chinese too. My mother used to babysit this cousin. But again my mother and her sister (my aunt) had a fall out and haven’t spoken to each other since. Such a pity! So I’ve never met this cousin. I really hope that I could. She’s about 10 years older than I am, but I wish I could have her in my life or if I even had some sort of relationship with her, perhaps my identity issues would have been easier to handle.

                I have several cousins on my father’s side, some I know only by name, and some I’ve never met. Again many relatives are still living in Trinidad ( My father has 10 siblings!). That would be cool if I could go to Trinidad and have a family reunion there with everyone! Actually, one of my cousins from Trinidad found my brother on facebook! I find that my cousins from my father’s side (who do live here), I don’t think there is really any ill will between us we just don’t talk often or meet up, but when we do we enjoy ourselves. Like I said it would be years since talking with them, but from what I’ve observed they do recognize some sort of bond since we are cousins. If we do talk it’s not really during a holiday gathering or anything like that though.

                Thanks for the questions.

  28. This interracial nonsense is getting way out of hand! Amerikkka is turning into another Brazil. Marrying whites will NOT get rid of racism! We are just bleaching ourselves out of existence.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Kushite Prince

      You really have to wonder about the lack of logic on this topic. All you have to do is look around the world– from South Africa, New Zealand, Australia, Brazil, and the U.S. and what do you see? A ton of people having interracial sex with whites

      Has that reduced racism against blacks and other non-whites? I don’t get the lack of logic here.

      • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:

        @ TrojanPam

        You mentioned in a previous comment about a biracial woman who said that she was never told I love you by her white mother. That was Claudia Jordan of Real Housewives of Atlanta. I would like to add that she also said that her BLACK GRANDMOTHER always told her that she loved her. Now that’s something, ain’t it. It just demonstrates that naturally motherly instinct that Black Women can have for any child. I often wonder about these white women’s ability to TRUELY love these half black, quarter black, etc children and from what I and many others such as yourself observed the answer is a resounding NO!. I remember I read an interesting article several years ago (I wish I could find it) in which a white woman with a half black daughter admitted that the child was “alien” to her. I’ve heard of (and I personally know some) white women leaving a Black husband and half Black children to marry a white man, have a white child, and re-enter her safe, comfortable white world. Black males who are or who are thinking about IR don’t consider these things, as I and others said above they think with their penis and not with their brains, and I guess some regret it later. smdh.

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ TheOriginalBlackWoman13

          Claudia Jordan did say it and I’ve heard it in many different ways from many “black” people with a white parent, who have expressed some form of disconnect with that white parent. I’ve heard it from blacks who were adopted by whites and I suspect it is more common than we think AND that their parents often times are still practicing racism against other blacks outside (and sometimes inside) the home.

          And one thing I find curious is a lot of white females who have a fixation on black males (penises) exhibit a lot of hostility AND jealousy towards black females. Now, if this white female does NOT like black females, what happens when she has a daughter with a black male? The same for white males who have a fixation on black females but do not like or trust black males and they have a son with a black female?

          We need to THINK HARD before we have children with someone outside or our own ethnic group

          • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:

            @ TrojanPam

            You said “Claudia Jordan did say it and I’ve heard it in many different ways from many “black” people with a white parent, who have expressed some form of disconnect with that white parent. I’ve heard it from blacks who were adopted by whites and I suspect it is more common than we think AND that their parents often times are still practicing racism against other blacks outside (and sometimes inside) the home.”

            I agree that this type of racist behavior from Whites who have “black” children and those who adopt authentic Black Children is indeed more common than people think. Some people don’t seem to see the mostly negative outcomes of these situations because IR relationships and adoptions are glamorized so much in the media. The real life stories that people share with you and many others tell a entirely different story.

            You said, “And one thing I find curious is a lot of white females who have a fixation on black males (penises) exhibit a lot of hostility AND jealousy towards black females. Now, if this white female does NOT like black females, what happens when she has a daughter with a black male? The same for white males who have a fixation on black females but do not like or trust black males and they have a son with a black female?”

            We need to THINK HARD before we have children with someone outside or our own ethnic group

            I would wager that these White females jealousy transfers to their partially “black” daughters the same goes for white males. That is why I am sooo opposed to black people having children with whites; it’s creating too many problems no matter how cute or glamorous people or the media try to play it.

      • Yeah it’s everywhere. Nothing but utter confusion! Total madness!

    • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:


      It’s already waaay out of hand. It’s safe the say the horse has long left the stable and running on this one. I believe there will be repercussions though….and not good ones. Many refer (even whites and by their own doing) about the state of Egypt today is because of race-mixing (much of it also from the Greco-Roman invasions in which many sistas was raped as well).

      • I agree. This race-mixing agenda has gone to new heights! It’s almost on every television show. I’ve noticed every show with black people has either an interracial couple or a gay couple. It’s obvious this is done on purpose. They are brainwashing the minds of our adults and children. They want us to see whites as better mates for us. As though black men and women are so horrible that sexing a white person is an automatic “upgrade”. This is really SICK stuff! I hear you OW13. It’s WAAAAAAYY out of hand!!

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ Kushite Prince

          Black people are being set up for psychological, sexual, spiritual and economic destruction in preparation for the huge population reduction that is being planned by the white elites toward the non-white populations on earth. There are (i believe) about 8 billion people on the planet. Their goal is to reduce the world’s population down to 500,000 million.

          Black people are witnessing this INTENT TO DESTROY right in front of our eyes, with the degrading TV shows, the IR worship, the disappearance of BW from movies and Television shows where black males are present — all with one thing in mind


          BUT you will have a very difficult time convincing a black person who is lying under or over a white person at night that anything this ‘bad’ could actually happen.

          The best way to prepare a group slated for destruction is to DIVIDE AND CONQUER THEM by turning male against female and eventually turning people against themselves by fostering MASS CONFUSION AND SEXUAL PERVERSION because once that happens that group has NO PSYCHOLOGICAL, SPIRITUAL OR ECONOMIC DEFENSE AGAINST THEIR ATTACKERS

          • Beautifully said Pam! It is most definitely divide and conquer. They are playing mind games with us. Nothing has changed in 100 years. It is only the illusion of change. They want to manipulate our consciousness so we let our guard down. And sex is one of their biggest weapons. And I think white woman are some of the biggest culprits of this. There tow white women at my workplace that flirt with me all the time. One of them likes to walk by and rub my back a lot. They’re always walking by and winking at me. Keep in mind that they both know I’m involved with a woman right now. Most of my co-workers know this although I try to keep my private life to myself. One WW is somewhat attractive with a nice figure. The other one is average looking at best,although not overweight or anything. The attractive one is very aggressive. I guess she can’t believe that I don’t want her. Most of the guys at my job talk about how “hot” she is. But I know the deal. She just wants to get her “swirl on”. I am not about to be her chocolate fantasy. Tis might have worked on me years ago by I’m hip to how white supremacy operates. She just wants a black penis as plaything. But I have too much dignity and self respect to be used as someone’s toy. Brothers think it’s a compliment when a WW wants to use them sexually. These brothers really need to WAKE up! Who knows how many times she’s done this? I suspect that’s she’s a classless whore. The fact that she’s attractive means nothing. I know what her sick motives are. If I were to have sex with her I bet she would go bragging to all my fellow co-workers about it. I would become a big joke! Sorry Becky! It’s NOT going to happen! I feel I will have to tell her to lay off and leave me alone. What do you think Pam? Do you have any advice? How to get aggressive white women to leave me alone? It’s really getting on my damn nerves!

            • Trojan Pam says:

              @ Kushite Prince

              Other than pretending you’re a homosexual (which I wouldn’t recommend), I have a friend (actually an ex-boyfriend) who had a similar problem with a WW who kept flirting with him and coming into his office and he said he knew the white men (including his bosses) were watching what he did.

              So, he said he always made sure that his office door stayed open whenever she walked in. And he never spent too much time being too friendly with the white females at work. Another black male, also a lawyer, obviously watched too much TV and believed too much hype about how much WW love them some BM

              because he made a play for his white female boss and she accused him of sexually harassing her and they fired him.

              My friend didn’t stay long after that but he said he watched them eventually fire every black male attorney who worked there and that few understood the dynamics of racism in the workplace and believed the nonsense they saw on TV about “race relations.” He said there are NO black male attorneys now in that entire office.

              I remember a black male years ago, married with a couple of kids, who got a new job then actually took a white female to an office party when everyone KNEW he was married to a black woman, I think, because he thought it would make him look “better” to the white people at his job. (????)

              Shortly after that, they fired him.

              I know another black male who got caught up with a white female while they were training for a government job and I would watch her prance around with tight clothing (she was very attractive) and all the white guys would be looking at her and then she decided she was going after this black male

              and even though I didn’t know JACK about how racism REALLY worked, I understood or thought I understood what her game was. She was USING him to get the white guys’ goat, to flaunt her black “lover” (I don’t know if they got that far) in front of the white bulls.

              Well, guess what? HE GOT FIRED and SHE DIDN’T. and no one can tell me she didn’t know she was jeopardizing that black male’s job. Of course she knew, she just didn’t CARE and he didn’t know what hit him or maybe he did, who knows?

              Last story, I had a male friend who said his own white male bosses put pressure on him to sleep with a white female employee at a company function where everyone was drinking even though he was a married man. He said after he refused to “hook up” with her, he knew his days were numbered at that company and he left. It’s as though they wanted him to prove some kind of stereotype that they would probably hold over his head later OR they just wanted to watch him “do it’ — I don’t know.

              That’s another thing. I just saw a commercial for Burlington Coat Factory where a black male was shopping with his white woman and I thought, wow, they doing this more, showing BM with WW in TV commercials even more than they show BM with BW (!) OR it will be a BM socializing and eating with nothing but white people.

              and so I see another reason they are doing this — to redirect the growing white male RAGE over the economy to all these BM who are shown sexing WW. Have we really gotten so clueless that we think this is something white people approve of? Let me assure you, MOST DON’T. And for a white male with a daughter, a black boyfriend is one of his worst fears.

              So when he’s wearing a BADGE and a GUN or he’s sitting behind the employment desk deciding WHO gets a job–guess what? He might decide to take his revenge. Or the WM without a job whose mad at the world can choose a target for his rage. Black males better wake the HELL up, soon, it will NOT BE SAFE to flaunt their white girlfriends in front of certain people. (and I believe the secret rise in LYNCHINGS may be related to what I’m saying)

              My advice is to be cordial, keep your distance, socialize as little as possible after office hours, don’t share any personal information and if pushed, tell them you’re engaged to be married.

              And be prepared if it gets bad enough to have a Plan B.

              • Clarence a.k.a. Codified Games says:

                @Kushite Prince,

                If a black male has a serious demeanor, then it is unthinkable that a white female will rub your back. I am not implying that you have evoked this type of behavior, but i urge you to look in the mirror and to analysis your own behavior that could have led to this situation. It could be that you was ignorant of the system of WS worked when you started at your job and therefore your behavior was. But of course it is a fact that if you are serious that they will test how much you have already been niggerized by the system in order to determine how susceptible you would be to their sexual propositions. I have a very serious demeanor when i am at the job, because i OVERstand the system of WS (in reality, i am a very funny guy with a great sense of humor) ,so they wouldn’t dare to touch me in an inappropriate manner although they occasionally give me compliments about my looks; a couple of years ago, the white female boss even told me on the phone that i had a sexy voice just to see how i would respond, but since i have passed all the tests that they have given me, they just simply leave me alone now and complain behind my back that i am too distant.

              • Clarence a.k.a. Codified Games says:

                @ kushite prince,

                Sorry I had to make a few adjustments

                If a black male has a serious demeanor, then it is unthinkable that a white female will rub your back. I am not implying that you have evoked this type of behavior, but i urge you to look in the mirror and to analysis your own behavior that could have led to this situation. It could be that you was ignorant of the system of WS when you started at your job and therefore your behavior was ignorant. But of course it is a fact that if you are serious that they will test how much you have already been niggerized by the system in order to determine how susceptible you would be to their sexual propositions. I have a very serious demeanor when i am at the job, because i OVERstand the system of WS (in reality, i am a very funny guy with a great sense of humor) ,so they wouldn’t dare to touch me in an inappropriate manner although they occasionally give me compliments about my looks; a couple of years ago, the white female boss even told me on the phone that i had a sexy voice just to see how i would respond, but since i have passed all the tests that they have given me, they just simply leave me alone now and complain behind my back that i am too distant.

              • @Trojan Pam
                Whoa! Those are some great examples Pam! Well we can rule out pretending I’m gay. That’s not going to happen. But I like what you said about being cordial but keeping my distance. I think I’ll have to try that. I’ve had about enough. Those examples were very eye opening. But it shows the double standard in a WS system. It also proves to me that white women are poison. No matter how nice and sincere they may act. Thanks for great advice.

              • reality_check says:

                every last black man in those stories you just relayed deserved to get fired for being STUPID.

      • LBM says:


        We may want to rethink RGB patriarchal revisionist history. I don’t about much about Greco-Romans raping African women to the point of changing the “complexion” of Egypt – I submit that a whole bunch of those “Greco-Romans” much like many of the Portuguese and Spaniards later on – we’re already “mixed” due to the roaming of African males. 800 years of “civilising” europe not only failed but produced a load of mutants from black male white anti-human female union.

        Even when we talk about the arab slave trade which was mainly East African sistas being “traded” to arabs for domestic and “domestic” use – who “traded” those sistas . And in that case it can’t even be said that the traders didn’t know what was going to happen to those sistas.

        • TheOriginalBlackWoman13 says:


          You said “We may want to rethink RGB patriarchal revisionist history. I don’t about much about Greco-Romans raping African women to the point of changing the “complexion” of Egypt – I submit that a whole bunch of those “Greco-Romans” much like many of the Portuguese and Spaniards later on – we’re already “mixed” due to the roaming of African males. 800 years of “civilising” europe not only failed but produced a load of mutants from black male white anti-human female union.

          Even when we talk about the arab slave trade which was mainly East African sistas being “traded” to arabs for domestic and “domestic” use – who “traded” those sistas . And in that case it can’t even be said that the traders didn’t know what was going to happen to those sistas.”

          I have heard and read Black People here and there discuss the sexual romps of
          African males and white anti-human females while African males went about “civilizing” Europe creating confused self-hating half breeds that helped
          fuck up the African continent to the state that it is in today. These males were most notably the moors. I remember I watched a youtube video in which the author stated that some black scholars say that the moors sold the entire black race out. They sold black women into slavery and said that white women were more beautiful…sounds like some of these self-hating treasonous black males today. It angers me when some of these Black males cry “Well Black Women have been doing it for 500 years?” smdh. I would like find out more about this subject. Could you link me to some sources?

    • Timothy says:

      I love the Black Women of Brazil website. I look at it frequently. Many people have used interracial marriage as a political tool to harm the black identity found in Brazil. This whitening process was done as early as in the early 20th century inside of Brazil. I love the culture of the Afro-Brazilians in Bahia, etc.

  29. Sharon53 says:

    Pam, I am having problems posting to this forum. Can you let me know if you get these comments.

    Just to further prove your point on number 5 above, I wanted to share the following link:


    This is over the top and extremely disturbing and even more strange is why they videotaped it. And how could that young man sit there and allow that to go on especially while a 3-year old watched also.

    I notice one of them sent an apology letter but even it seems a bit sarcastic to me. She probably did not expect this to go public and feared going to jail.

  30. Sharon53 says:

    @Pam, Thanks for your response. I am still not being notified of new comments and new posts via email even though I have those checked to receive them. I will continue to come into the forum to see the comments though.

  31. Shanequa says:

    @ Trojan Pam

    You are right these non black women don’t have real love & affection toward their half black children. I have a cousin who married a Mexican woman who thought his parents had money because they lived in a big house. This Mexican whore had so many affairs on my cousin with different MEN & WOMEN in which he knew about but still didn’t leave her. She finally left him for her late uncle’s wife. This whore even slept with her sisters husband which cause their family to breakup. She even told her children don’t date blacks in which her children are half black. Two of the children only date Mexicans while one only dates black. She ruin her oldest daughter life in which she thought she was going to be her golden meal ticket but when she wasn’t up and left her. Now her daughter is running behind a Mexican man who doesn’t even want her. The children love their Mexican family more than their black family. The Mexican whore even had a uncle who stated he hates black people. I don’t feel sorry for my cousin at all because I know for sure he down black women in front of his Mexican whore ex-wife. Now my cousin is back happily with a black woman as usual when shit fails with their non black women they run back too us.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Shanequa

      I know of so many stories like this one. I used to work for a federal agency and this Mexican female was married to this black male and she was scandalous. She didn’t cook or clean and ran around and this brother seemed like a decent guy but he never challenged her about anything she did

      it was as though he felt lucky to have her

      and that I think that’s the CRUX of it for black people who seek IR relationships. It’s not the person necessarily who is appealing it’s the IDEA of having someone ‘better” than another black person that they get their VALIDATION by associating with them

      the real appeal of IR is WHITE OR NON-BLACK VALIDATION and I bet MONEY that if you could get inside the heads of most IR-dating black people — male and female– you will discover that they FEEL better about their blackness being seen and being accepted by someone who is not black

      that is how LOW our collective self-esteem is as a group, that being around a non-black person says we are not stupid, we are not worthless, we are actually ACCEPTABLE ENOUGH to be in their presence

      i can count on ONE HAND the number of black people who will even admit they are brainwashed (?!?)

      how in the world can you think you are NOT brainwashed? Where did you get your values and tastes and beliefs from? The man on the moon? Do they think they made up the culture that exists in their heads? It’s amazing and astounding to me that people think this way

      I actually had a BM whose blog I posted a comment to who is married to a white woman but talking “black” pride kind of stuff (because that’s all it is but STUFF) who told me he wasn’t damaged by racism

      right then, I was through and what I have found is black people who get into IR too deep (like marry white or breed with whites) generally the damage is pretty much irreversible and I don’t waste much time with them

      the problem–as I see it –is most black people overall don’t do MUCH self-analysis to see what really makes us tick

      and if we do a little what we discover is usually SO UNFLATTERING that we drop back into denial because we don’t understand that it is NORMAL to be ABNORMAL in an abnormal psychological environment.

      It is NORMAL to be anti-black to some degree in a BLACK-HATING SOCIETY that has damaged us from birth

      So, instead of saying, I notice I have some issues or I’m mistreating people, or I’m doing something even I know is incorrect, let me take a look at my behavior and try to understand where it’s coming from so i can DO something about the negative parts

      what we do instead is lock it up, throw the key away and go BALLISTIC any time anyone calls us on our crap and miss a TEACHING SELF moment that can make us a BETTER and a STRONGER MINDED person.

      • sparkle86 says:

        There are some non-white victims who have simply been indoctrinated into the illusion of integration esp. the younger ones but there are others who unfortunately have been hurt by other black people and seek non-blacks to gain the illusion of validation.

        Too many times, The black individual does not become any better from the tragic arrangement but is made WORSE. The confusion doubles. You can no longer talk about anything serious with them. Only superficial conversation. I have seen this among my cousins (male and female) married to white people.

        • sparkle86 says:

          Also, I forgot to add, the black victims become the most ardent defense attorneys for white people even when they are not in the room.

          • Trojan Pam says:

            @ sparkle86

            I have found the same thing to be true, that blacks sexually involved with whites are often very anti-black and very ARDENT apologists for white racism EVEN while they are being mistreated

            I think it’s a way of masking the racism that is ALSO happening to them

            because if they admit they are being victimized by white people at the SAME TIME they are having sex with white people, they feel like fools

            • Alicia says:

              I’m not really against IR dating as I have had good experiences myself and although I prefer black men. The funny thing though is black women as well are having bad experiences dating or marrying white men, just like black men are in terms of white women. People are people, yet many blacks fall into the white supremacy attitude only to be left or hurt. Look at our black female celebs, people around us.

      • @Trojan Pam

        “the real appeal of IR is WHITE OR NON-BLACK VALIDATION and I bet MONEY that if you could get inside the heads of most IR-dating black people — male and female– you will discover that they FEEL better about their blackness being seen and being accepted by someone who is not black

        that is how LOW our collective self-esteem is as a group, that being around a non-black person says we are not stupid, we are not worthless, we are actually ACCEPTABLE ENOUGH to be in their presence”
        That’s so true Pam! I’ve always believed that validation is at the core of most of our actions. We want so badly to be accepted by our oppressors. And we the nerve to say we are NOT brainwashed! Good Lord,we are so screwed up! God help us!

  32. Shanequa says:

    @ Trojan Pam

    I agree with everything you have stated. None of these interracial relationships is base on love but what another person can gain or what they consider as gaining by being in one. You know my cousin & your Mexican coworker husband were pissed off by their Mexican mates behavior but didn’t want to leave them because they felt by being with a non-black partner is validation.

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Shanequa

      Because our self-esteem is damaged and we live in a culture where to be black is to automatically inferior, some blacks are not strong enough to NOT buy into this LIE.

      So, we seek out non-black people to validate us. We welcome them as friends, we love being seen with them in public and we love loving them in private.

      Until we tell the truth about this, we will never heal completely and we’ll produce one damaged and confused generation after another

      And what is the truth (in my opinion)?

      Being INFERIOR is NOT the same thing as being put into an INFERIOR POSITION. It is the person or people who NEEDS you to be inferior who is really inferior.

      • Courtney H. says:

        @ Trojan Pam:

        Thank you! I agree with everything that you have said!

      • Timothy says:

        That’s an excellent point from you Sister Trojan Pam.

        Just because we suffer oppression doesn’t mean that we are inferior. We are never inferior to anyone of any race. Despite the Maafa, slavery, and discrimination, we have a rich legacy of scholars, economic leaders, political activists, scientists, inventors, etc. spanning thousands of years.

        The white racists who believe in the lie of white supremacy obviously have fundamental insecurities, jealousies, and hatreds. That is why when many white people see a confident, self assured black man and a confident, self assured black woman, they feel uneasy and scared. The power of black people is strong and inspirational. We, as black people in an inherit sense, love Nature, yet the system of white supremacy has plundered the environment for a long time.

        We can never truly love ourselves without loving our natural BLACKNESS. The extinguishing of white validation is very important. We have to know who we are, we have to know our enemy, and we have to use constructive action in achieving the revolutionary change that all black people internationally deserve. I believe totally in pan-African unity.

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ Timothy

          I agree that to say we love and respect ourselves we must love our blackness. The two cannot be separated.

          One thing I find curiously vexing is how black is so inferior but EVERYONE ON THE PLANET imitates poor black youth

          • Timothy says:

            I agree with you Sister Trojan Pam.

            I find non-blacks imitating black youth ironic. It shows the revolutionary power of black culture.

            When hip hop was originally created (back during the early 1970’s), hip hop had a strong revolutionary, non vulgar composition. As we all know, white-owned corporations co-opted much of hip hop and made it more vulgar, anti-woman, and anti-black (especially in the mainstream level). That is why the NWA members thought they were being revolutionaries, but many of their lyrics were blatantly counterrevolutionary. No revolutionary can curse out and slander black people and claim to be for black people. Many artists among many genres were manipulated by the white establishment as a means for that establishment to form more profits and enact more control over the minds of the masses of the people. There is conscious, positive hip hop in the world, so I want to make that point clear. The white supremacists not only want our bodies, they want our minds and our souls.

            Today, many people mimic the actions, the slang, and the culture of black youth. Our culture is very diverse, and creative, which appeals to non-blacks. I admit that it is hilarious to see white kids using urban, hip hop lingo. We, as black people, are survivors.


            • Mariama says:

              True indeed!

            • Trojan Pam says:

              @ Timothy

              You’re right. The bodies are just the shell, it’s the SOUL of black people that is seriously at risk. We’re dealing with satanic forces in this fight. And they know WHO WE ARE which is why we are the main targets to be attacked. And I think the only people who don’t understand this clearly are black people. That’s very unfortunate.

              • Timothy says:

                That is very accurate to say that we are dealing with satanic forces. Only satanic forces would conquer territories on multiple continents via wars, imperialism, and savagery. Only satanic forced would harm the environment, cause the exploitation of the cultures of the world (in a greedy, self-centered way), and harm the lives of people of color. There is a presence of evil found among white racists. Yes, they know who we are. They have conferences and scholars certainly know about our real history. Many black people need to wake up and realize that we don’t live in a post racial society. We, as black people, want independence and self-determination. Our people have an openness to people and a gentleness. We should not be cruel, but we can’t be naive about how the world works either. From the recent report from the DOJ talking about the massive racism and police corruption found in Ferguson (which the protesters there speak of all of the time) to the continued murder of innocent unarmed Brothers and Sisters, the handwriting is on the wall. Either we fight for our freedom or we won’t be free.

        • Mariama says:

          This is an inspiring attitude and response. I wish that others had this positive esteem and spirit. With this, we could better our understanding and self esteem collectively. We are a beautiful people spiritually and physically when we have the right frame of mind. Thank you for this uplifting.😊 response!

        • Courtney H. says:


    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Shanequa

      I can’t honestly say a white person and a black or non-white person cannot love each other. I’m not saying every white person involved with a black person sexually is mistreating them

      My main point is AS LONG AS black people are dominated by a white system of oppression then it is SELF-DEFEATING to have sex with white people UNDER THOSE CONDITIONS because the white person is benefiting from the black person’s oppression and that is INCORRECT behavior on a moral basis.

      If white people are sincerely opposed to white supremacy, which means telling black people the TRUTH about the system, they would not be having sex with their victims. It is the same thing as a more powerful adult having sex with a child. They are NOT EQUALS under the system of white supremacy and that is why black people often HAVE TO CONFORM to the white value system in order to get along with their white partner.

      And as long as we continue to reward oppression with our time, energy, money AND BODIES (sex) then we will continue being oppressed.

      that is the reason I don’t agree with blacks and whites having sex, not because I think a black and white person cannot care for each other. It’s just that the price for US is far too high.

  33. Shanequa says:

    @ Trojan Pam I agree with you 100%.

  34. @Clarence a.k.a. Codified Games

    Thanks lot brother. I appreciate the advice. I think you may be onto something. I joke around a lot at work. But it’s usually with my black co-workers. Most of the whites at my job are always telling corny ass jokes. Or jokes of a sexual manner,you know they love that stuff. I do compliment the black women at my job from time to time. I just tell them they look nice but I’m not overtly flirting. I think some of the white females have overheard me compliment the sistas. And I never compliment the white girls. It could be a jealous thing. maybe they wanted to prove to the black women that they could get my attention. I must also add that three of my black male co-workers love the attention from several white women. They flirt heavy with these white girls. me and one other black man don’t flirt with them. And he’s actually married. Many of the black men I work with mostly date non black women. One has a baby with a white woman,one is dating a Mexican woman and the other is dating a Filipino woman who works at our job. You can see the brainwashed negroes that I must deal with every week.lol Some of the brothers know I only date black women. I suspect some of these white women know this but don’t care. maybe they want to see if they can tempt me to make the “switch”. But I think I’m going to keep a distance from them as best I can. if not,I’ll just have to be blunt with them. I don’t care if it hurts their feelings or not. The problem with white women is they think everyone WORSHIPS the ground they walk on. And think ALL men ant to get in their pants. Once they know you don’t want them—they’ll leave you alone.
    I remember years ago at another job I had a white female co-worker talking to me. We were just chatting on a break. She asked what I did over the weekend. I said I took my girlfriend our to dinner fro her birthday. She said “that was very sweet of you.I’m sure you had a great time. You got any pictures?” I said sure and I pulled out my phone and showed her some pics. She looked at the pics of my black girlfriend and said she was pretty.
    Her: She’s pretty. Is that your type?
    Me: What do you mean?
    Her: I mean black girls. Do you date white girls?
    Me: No,I actually never have.
    Her: Really? Why not? They don’t like you?
    Me: Actually I’ve had quite a few white women hit on me. At parties and different events. I just was never attracted to any of them. I guess it’s just a preference.
    Her: Huh? *very confused look on her face* lol

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Kushite Prince

      I would suggest you refrain from being blunt with the white women at your workplace about not dating white women.

      They don’t need to know as long as YOU know. The less said the better.

      Bottom line, whites have the advantage in the workplace. Once a black person is tagged as a “bad black” it takes very little to find a reason to fire them.

      The less black people say and do on the job that is NOT job-related, usually, the better off we are.

      • Alicia says:

        I highly agree. It took me time to LEARN though. I make an effort not to tell them my personal business. I don’t know where that kushite prince works but at my job and in my area, most of the black men are with black women and I think this is the norm. Nothing is odd or different about being a black man that prefers black women, since MOST black men do. Just like most men of all races prefer their own for many reasons and just like most black women prefer their own race of men.

        I have learned that since we live and work under a white supremacist environment ( unfortunately 😦 for now), we have to be careful of what we say and do, especially on the job. One of the ladies in another department near me had a photo of Denzel at her desk (although she is married) and I wondered about that, because we all know we’re not supposed to like being black *sigh*.

        Blacks especially should NEVER talk politics or social issues on the job or it could kill your career, even among blacks or other minoritys because you never know who will go back and say what to whom.

        As to interracial dating, that’s not our biggest problem to me. I do know that whites in general think we should want them and should reject ourselves, our look and generally feel like crap about ourselves :)! aren’t they ever so kind!

        • Providence says:


          “As to interracial dating, that’s not our biggest problem to me.”

          Its not our biggest problem, its just one of many SYMPTOMS of our biggest problem: Collective self-hate and low self-esteem, due to gross lack of knowledge of ourselves, past present and future and our rich expansive history which spans every inch of this globe. As cliche as it sounds, knowledge truly is power.

          Not saying proud conscious Black persons wouldn’t inter-marry. But then again, if they possessed truly empowering knowledge, ESPECIALLY knowing IRRs and all the confusion/distractions that comes with it is just another weapon in the arsenal of white supremacy used to holistically weaken the Black power base — why would they?

      • You’re probably right about that. I think I will keep it to myself. But you’re right,they do have the advantage on the plantation. They are very sneaky. They have ways of making things very difficult for you on the plantation. I definitely don’t want to be labeled as the bad black. I’ve had that happen before. Things can get very uncomfortable.

        • Trojan Pam says:

          @ Kushite Prince

          Unfortunately, every one of the black males I described earlier is no longer working for those companies. Two of them quit but had they stayed around they would have eventually been fired. I believe for reasons not mentioned here that that was the main reason Isaiah Washington was fired from Grey’s Anatomy.

          one, he was married to a BW who LOOKED like a BW, she had a short natural and was brown-skinned. Two, he appeared on the Judge Hatchett court show encouraging black people to check out their ancestors via our DNA. Three, I’ve never seen him linked to any WW and in fact, a blind item I read once about a BM in Hollywood who rebuffed the sexual advances of WW certainly made me think they are talking about him. Four, he allegedly called the white boy a “faggot” and black males are NOT allowed to be against homosexuality if they want to work in mainstream media.
          There was one more reason, he showed anger when one of the white males kept showing up late for tapings and a black man is NOT allowed to be aggressive toward white people and you will find those who survive in the white workplace do one hell of a lot of grinning, smiling and appeasing even when being mistreated lest they be labeled as an “angry black man” which is the kiss of death in the white workplace.

          So, the best strategy is to minimize contact to reduce conflict. And keep your personal business to yourself.

          • You’re correct on all accounts. I respect Isaiah so much for sticking to his guns. I admire any man that stays true to himself no matter what others may think or say. And thanks for that great advice. I will definitely use it.

            • Trojan Pam says:

              @ Kushite Prince

              I believe it’s one of those unwritten rules in the entertainment industry that if a BM wants to get ahead, get a non-black female and be very open to homosexuality and/or portraying a woman.

              And under NO circumstances should he EVER pick a dark-skinned black female or one with natural hair.

              It’s so bad that they can’t even CAST a dark-skinned BW in “black” movies and TV shows UNLESS she’s overweight.

              And I think the black people in that industry know this and know that the black public doesn’t know it.

              Comedian Dave Chappelle learned the hard way when he refused to wear a dress in a Martin Lawrence movie and he is still being punished for the ‘offense.’

              He got the first part right, he married an Asian female, but he failed the second part of the test.

              • Yeah they went after Dave pretty hard a few years ago. The media was saying he had lost his mind when he went to Africa. I assumed he went to Africa just to get away from white people fro awhile. Which is completely understandable. But Dave has been on the stand up circuit for the last year or so. I’ve noticed he seems a bit different though. He’s been hitting the gym lately and has really bulked up quite a bit. He’s much more muscular. He was “allowed” back in the industry after been ostracized. I wonder what he had to do to get back in the good graces of the racist elite. I hope he did not have to give up his “manhood” so to speak. I wonder if that has anything to do with all the extra muscle he’s put on. Maybe he’s trying to over compensate for what he had to do. I also think this is the reason you see all these rappers with hundreds of tattoos all over their body. To get a recording contract you must have some type of homosexual sex. People really don’t know what these poor guys have to go through. It’s a shame what the system of WS puts our people through! A damn shame!

          • @Trojan Pam

            Since we’re on the subject of the workplace environment. I have a question for you. I’ve noticed that in the workplace that attractive black women white women behave very differently. Over the course of fifteen years I’ve worked with about 8-10 attractive black women. They never seem to be overtly flirtatious to me. I did date one black women years ago that worked in a different department from me so most people didn’t know we were dating. I always greet sistas with “How are you doing today?” or ‘Good to see you this morning” or “How is your day going?” They always seem to respond and smile back for the most part. But sometimes it feels like they’re being a little distance at times. As if they don’t want you to get too close. Keep in mind I’m talking about beautiful women. I think beautiful women get hit on a lot so I think they think any man speaking to them as an ulterior motive. I don’t doubt in many cases it’s probably true. But black women always seem like they have their “game face” on. I had one very attractive black woman tell me that brothers were way too aggressive at her workplace. She was hit on constantly. She even went so far as to tell her white supervisor about it. The white supervisor spoke to a few of the black men and they stopped approaching her. I was kind of surprised that she would do something like that. What sista would go tell on black men like that? I later found out by a friend that she was in a “tragic relationship”. I shouldn’t be surprised though. Most sistas know how to put brothers in her place when they get put of line. But later on I saw her Facebook page. All her pics were of her female friends hanging out at parties and restaurants. All her friends were white. Need I say more?
            Back to the subject though. Attractive white women are very different . They smile at you and constantly flirting. It’s not my imagination. I’ve asked other black men who say they’ve experienced this too. I even know some white women who have slept with several guys at the workplace. It’s like they have NO shame! They don’t seem to care if they’re looked at as whores or not. I think by them being white they feel as they are always perceived as “pure and innocent”. Do you know what I mean? Where as black women are already stereotyped as loose and whorish from the get go. Black women and white women are NOT viewed the same in a system of white supremacy. So it allows white women to be more “free-spirited” and flirtatious o the workplace. This is why I think many black women I’ve worked with seem a bit more guarded. They always seem much more professional. At least this has been my experience. What do you think?

            • Alicia says:

              I’m a black woman and I have not noticed that, then again I’m a woman not a man. You guys can take it for what it is. We live under white supremacy, white women and black women, as well as black men and white men will be very different based on the societey we live in. Just like I’m sure you noticed at concerts and other events, whites will go straight to the front and fill up the front rows. It’s based on how we’re shaped by society.

              I’ve never noticed white women being more flirtateous with black men, I do know in general whites tend to be hateful, whether showing it or keeping it on the down-low.

              I don’t see white women taking up for black men, in fact I find when the hating is going on ( anti-black), white women are right there, sometimes WORSE. They discriminate in terms of hiring and generally being hateful.

              • I definitely hear what you’re saying Alicia. I have met some very racist white women. In many cases they can be worse than white men. I agree that they don’t stand up for black men at all. Even in cases like Trayvon Martin,Eric Garner or Sean Bell. I don’t even hear white women that are married to black men speak out at al when black men are unjustly murdered. I guess they see these as isolated incidents. I think the confusion comes in when it involves sex. A lot of brothers think that a white women can’t be racist because she’s in bed with you. WRONG!!! They have NO problem using black men for sex and then moving on to something else. I know black men personally that this has happen to. My buddies and I even have a term for it. It’s called getting “white-girled”. It’s when a white woman flirts with you a lot at a party or some event to get your attention. You exchange numbers and “hook up” at your place or hers on various occasions. But you never meet her friends or family. It’s strictly sex and that’s all. No love,no friendship. And she doesn’t want her family to know about you at all. You’re just there to please her sexually. It’s not much different than a plain old booty call. It just in this case there’s a racial dynamic added to it. Brothers better wake up to this deception going on. This is NOT a game. White people are serious about maintaining the system of white supremacy. Are we serious about combatting it??

            • Trojan Pam says:

              @ Kushite Prince

              Absolutely, black females know we will be judged more harshly than white females and we also know we’re always being watched and expected to do some “whorish” things so some do keep that game face on.

              Conversely, some black males seem to do the opposite, many let it ALL hang out, are quick to share their personal business, and will do a lot of inappropriate and disrespectful things to black females in front of white people. (that has been my experience, it may not be yours).

              If the white females who have slept with several different guys are sleeping with black males, then, of course, they don’t care what you think because no black male is in a position to judge or punish them.

              That’s why “getting it on” with a black male is so doggone appealing! Because after all is said and done, what can the black male do to her? Can he ruin her reputation? NO. Can he get her fired? NO.

              She is free to say or do ANYTHING around the black males because SHE KNOWS HE IS POWERLESS and even better, he’s so programmed to please and appease her that he will break his NECK not to embarrass her or hurt her feelings no matter what she does. (and some black females are guilty of this behavior, too).

              More than likely, the black male won’t even judge her whorish behavior and even find complimentary terms to describe it, like ‘she’s free-spirited” or “she doesn’t have hangups about sex” or “she doesn’t play games (like sisters do)” etc, etc, etc, ad nauseaum

              (and believe me, I know what I’m talking about)

              So, yes, absolutely, BW have to be more guarded in the workplace because we know NO ONE has our backs.

              • Mariama says:

                I HATE to agree with you on this one Pam. Just take a look at Kim Kardashian. For the life of me, I dont understand how and why black men elevate her with all the men that she has been with in Hollyweird. Black women would not have been given the same pass. Take a look at Karrine Steffans. Black men have called her all kinds of hos, sluts and b%3ches. If our men can elevate a woman such as Kardashian to a wife status, what does that say about the majority of “our” men. I would love to hear what the men think about this. Colorism is a HUGE factor in this of course. Lets be honest here.

              • Yes,I would have to agree without on this. I have worked with back men who are quick to tell me the women they’ve slept with. And almost bragging about it when it comes to white females. I guess in their minds it’s seen as some type of great accomplishment. I also agree with you about black men NOT being able to get these white women fired. They know these black men can’t do anything to them in the end. Which is why white women love having sex with them. I really wish these brothers could see they’re used being used as sexual playthings. But you can’t tell them nothing. Too many of us think with our penis! I hate to be blunt but I’m just keeping it real Pam. Yeah I enjoy sex too,but we all have to grow up sometimes. We should be trying to elevate to a higher consciousness. Engaging in casual sex is appealing to your lower nature. I know it’s hard fro some men because we enjoy sex so much but we really got to step up our game. We are in a WAR with these folks. And sex is one of their greatest weapons against us. I also agree with you about how black women are perceived in the workplace. It’s a clear double standard. We really need to educate ourselves on the power dynamic in regards to race,gender and sex.

            • Timothy says:

              There is that double standard in the workplace. You’re correct on that point Brother

              A white woman casually going out with males is viewed in a more progressive light than a black woman casually going out with males. Even if a black woman went out on dates with a few guys (without having sex with those guys), then she is readily called every name under the sun. The false stereotypes about black women collectively are evil and cruel.

              Also, beauty is diverse. As I get older, I do see the beauty in the diversity of Sisters. Beauty deals with intelligence, integrity, honesty, inspirational, beyond just physical appearance. Damu Cherry is a very attractive black woman and also Toccarra Jones is a very attractive, curvaceous black woman as well. Many white woman do act flirtatious towards many black men (in corporate boardrooms, parties, job functions, etc.). The white women who do it not only want power over the black man sexually and emotionally. They want to test the black man to see if he will bow down to the white standards of beauty and societal dispositions. If the black man bows down, then the white woman feels that he is her “token” (or “slave” since we have to keep it real). If the black man refuses to bow down (and tells the white woman that he loves black women), then that black man certainly is asserting his strength and asserting his love for black women.

              In any job setting or any other setting, we have to be cordial. At the same time, we have every right to assert our humanity and never tolerate being exploited unfairly or disrespected in an evil fashion. Also, many white women show their real feelings about blacks behind the scenes. Many white people will show smiles to blacks, but show disgust for blacks in private or in the company of whites alone. I wouldn’t blame a black women for being more reserved in the work environment. Black men have been mistreated and exploited too and the experiences of black people (among both genders) should be understood. Many black women have been exploited and mistreated by numerous people. So, black men and black women have to be honest, tell their stories, express strength, and keep on fighting for justice.

              • Alicia says:

                All of what you all are talking about is why we need more black business, more blacks (even quietly ) supporting each other in the business world, education-wise, etc so we can stop having to deal with this hate, racism, and double-standards sometime in the near future.

                Also, it’s not just black men who do it, but black women as well. Many want white men and dog out black men. If they’re not into white men, some still dog out black men. It’s how we’re as a race are taught in this country ( which is why I stay away from mainstream media). I’ve had black women who do not go out often ( church, nor other social activities), ask me if all the black men are not in jail, or other awful questions. Why? because of the media! I also know some black women who do not date black men, yet keep having bad experiences with white men in terms of dating.

                It’s both genders.

                I also don’t think black men support Kim Kardashian more than any average black female. As a black woman, I like her. I liked her show (Keeping up with the kardashians), I like that she seems black-friendly and open-minded ( based on interviews, her opinions on social issues did not mirror that of a typical white), I think she’s beautiful, etc.

              • “If the black man bows down, then the white woman feels that he is her “token” (or “slave” since we have to keep it real). If the black man refuses to bow down (and tells the white woman that he loves black women), then that black man certainly is asserting his strength and asserting his love for black women.”
                Very well put brother! I agree with you totally! They really like to test black men. To see how weak or strong we are. And it’s clearly a double standard for sistas. It’s clear that the system of white supremacy is not “fair”.

  35. Queen Nefer Dee Dee says:

    I haven’t read through all of the comments yet but I plan to. This is an awesome blog and agree with all that was written. I would also like to suggest that black women reach out to our brothers outside of America. They have really tricked us into believing that we are a minority, that is only true here in the states. Africa has melanated men every day all day. First we have to get over the lies that we are told about the brothers and sisters from the continent. Stop being pigeon holed and spread your wings and travel!

    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Queen Nefer Dee Dee

      I’m glad you’re here and I agree that black AND African people must stop listening to lies about each other. Does that mean we’re going to like every African we met? Of course not, just like we don’t like every black person born in the states. And there are cultural differences even between different African countrymen and women that can be a source of conflict and misunderstanding

      But the one thing we ALL have is common is the BIG BULL’S-EYE on our foreheads because war is being waged against us on every continent. When the European think tanks talk about massive population reductions, who do we think they’re talking about?

      If I asked this question of even the most white-identified, IR-dating black person I believe they would come to the obvious and logical conclusion (as long as no white people were around 🙂

      Please share the link to this post and any you find constructive. It is imperative that black women and men open our eyes before they are closed for good.

  36. Courtney H. says:

    This story is two months old, but it is somewhat related to this post. Be forewarned — these people are NASTY!


    • Trojan Pam says:

      @ Courtney H.

      just checked out the link, no surprise whatsoever. As much as some whites swear up and down that black and non-white people are unappealing, they just can’t stay out of the bed with us. If I thought someone was a defect, an animal, a low-life, or a piece of crap, the last thing I’d do is have sex with them. It has been a white supremacist imperative from day one to sex their victims. It comes with the territory of the conqueror.

    • Timothy says:

      Good Afternoon Sister Courtney.

      It is a disgraceful story all around. Both people committed adultery and they disrespected their spouses at the same time. Steven Kroft obviously is using his power to try to keep his affair secret. He used Lisan Goines for sexual purposes not for authentic love. The affair was heavily secretive until it was publicly known. Many of our people have been brainwashed and filled with so much self-hatred that some of our people want to make the wrong mistake of having sex with a married white person (who is obviously a white racist). This is why integrity is important. If you do what is right, then you should have no guilt or shame. This story is graphic and I only hope that this story can be used as a lesson to warn black people not to fall into traps. We have to use chess not checkers. We have to love our own identities and follow wisdom.

      • Courtney H. says:

        Good Afternoon, Brother Timothy. 🙂

        I wholeheartedly agree.

        This story is disgusting. Both Steve Kroft and Lisan Goines were wrong — they both committed adultery and disgraced their spouses. Kroft used Goines as a **bedwench.** This is no different than slave masters having a **bedwench** during slavery. This is one of the reasons why so many Black people hate the TV show **Scandal.** This time it is just a White President and his Black fixer **bedwench.**

        Tariq Nasheed stated that the late Elijah Muhammad said that one of the last tricks that White supremacists will use against Black people will be to have sex with Black people, so they think that they are not white supremacists. (I posted this audio upthread.)

        The story is graphic (that is why I gave the warning about these people being nasty) because I do want it to be used as a lesson about how Black people should NOT behave sexually.

        You are right — if we love ourselves to begin with, we can avoid such traps.

        Thank you (and Trojan Pam) for your responses.

        • Timothy says:

          I agree with you Sister Courtney and You’re Welcome.

          We have to continue to be on our Ps and Qs.

          I’m not a theocrat, but we have to follow a sense of integrity and morality. Strong families and strong communities are built by honesty, strength, social activism, and integrity. We have great power and we have great human value. We just have to use our power in building up our power base in a higher level. Many people are right to say that we need to grow our economic and political power, so our people can get jobs with a living wage, where our people can have some respect, and where our people can have some happiness including peace.

          The spirits of our ancestors motivate us to continue in this great work (of fighting for justice for all black people). Both Steve and Lisan are wrong. Adultery is a notorious evil. Just because a white person sleeps with a black person doesn’t mean that this white person is not a racist. Many white racists have had sex with black people for a long time. I see that a lot of Brothers abhor Scandal including many Sisters too.

          At the end of the day, it is all about Love. Some people confuse love with supporting bad behavior. Love has to do with goodwill, promoting justice, hating evil, and having positive solidarity with our Brothers and our Sisters. We stand on the actions of heroes and our heroes inspire us daily.

  37. Courtney H. says:

    This is OT, but here is an interesting article:


    • Timothy says:

      Hello Sister Courtney. 🙂

      The article is interesting.

      The article mentioned that many African slaves were Muslims (back during the 1500’s), but were forced to convert into Eurocentric Christianity when they came into the Americas. Many white supremacists have used religion as a means to oppress others. There is nothing wrong with believing in spirituality or believing in God. The problem is that some people distort the concept of religion as a means for them to mistreat others. That is wrong. Islam is a religion with a long history. It has increased popularity in the black American community and other communities over the years and decades. I do see many Muslims in my area too. They are regular people.

      The article dealt with defining the many demographics, cultural diversities, and the history of Islam in American society. Malcolm X was one man who popularized the acceptance of Islam in American society via a higher level. Numerous people became Muslim as a product of Malcolm X’s action. He was a follower of Elijah Muhammad (who was a Garveryite. Malcolm X wanted pan African unity like Garvey) and later Malcolm X left the NOI because of disagreements with the NOI on some issues. His Hajj transformed and revolutionized his thinking. By 1965, Malcolm X became more progressive (by allowing woman leadership in the OAAU, by criticizing capitalism, and supporting the Selma voting rights campaign), and focused on a more internationalist mindset as a way to make America accountable for its human rights abuses against black Americans. Malcolm X was a strong Black Man.

      Any nation and any society in general should respect religious freedom. Religious pluralism makes our country better. We have to allow any man and any woman the right to believe in God or not. 9/11 changed the world. The attacks on 9/11 were evil. 9/11 was used by some to promote religious dialogue and some have used 9/11 as a way to promote bigotry against Islam or Islamophobia. I am not a Muslim, but I will never deprive Muslims of their human rights. I believe in human rights. As black people, we can support religious freedom, but we should always oppose racism no matter who does it. Racism is not just shown by many white Europeans. It has been shown by some Arabic Muslims in numerous places. The Muslims are human beings that should be treated with dignity and with respect.

    • Timothy says:

      Certainly, regardless of which creed we follow, we are still dealing with the system of white supremacy. The article shows people information about Islam in an unique fashion.

      • Courtney H. says:

        Good evening, Brother Timothy. 🙂

        Thank you for your response. It was a very interesting article. I like reading articles like these because they give information about religions and peoples that are not shown by the mainstream media. Islam has played a significant role in our nation*s history, and people need to realize that.

        My area has a lot of Muslims, too. I have seen Muslims in the ATL area of many different races. In fact, I have had Muslim students.

        The Muslim community in this country is indeed diverse, and the Muslims in this country are regular people. You have extremists in all religions.

        • Timothy says:

          Good Evening Sister Courtney. 🙂

          You’re so Sweet.

          Yes, diversities abound among people of different religions and socioeconomic classes. Islam has a complex history within the realm of American history.

          I like to study culture and different religions too. Doing that signifies how valuable the right of religious liberty is in the world. Many people have suffered persecution because of their creed and that is why I will always be in favor of religious freedom. The corporate owned mainstream media readily will not report on these stories in detail, but the Internet, books, and other resources allows us the chance to witness information about these subjects. We grow our consciousness by learning, discussion, and acting in the right way.

  38. Phazex says:

    Greetings to All;

    Whew! After reading through all of the commentary, I must say that MOST of what was stated IS true AND continually a problem in the black diaspora. I made it a “mission” over a year ago to attempt to show and teach, now, the younger sistas behind me in how to bolster their self-esteem. I see masses of sistas in the inner-city just about every day. And again, I have to show them why love begins with SELF. For if it is not without you, everything else will only confuse you. Like many here, “everyone has a story to tell.” And let me tell you, I’d be working on volume V at this point. I didn’t get ‘lucky” I had parents who, until they separated, merely gave me the road map and the “rules” for turning out to be productive in society. So many of the social “ills” I was never a “victim” of, however, I, like others, faced and continue at one time or another, to face RACISM.
    Since what I prioritized in my life earlier has not come to pass, I decided to “go on a mission” and attempt to help other sistas and brothas caught up in replicating, dysfunctional family behaviors.

    In essence, what I am stating is that “complaining:” that we need to thin the herd, that we are doomed as a people, etc. IS self-feating behavior.

    My challenge to each and everyone of us that is willing and can do so, guide, mentor, help etc.that brotha or sista that is silently (or not) crying out for helping hands and not another crutch or being an enabler. This will not help them to elevate their thinking.

    Thank you All,


    • Timothy says:

      That is excellent advice Phazex.

      If I wanted to sellout and give up, I would have sold out a long time ago.

      Yet, I will never sellout. We will always defend the humanity and essence of our Brothers and our Sisters. Our ancestors are with us. The Creator is with us and truth is on our side. Regardless of where we are in the Diaspora, we are one people. The younger generation does need mentorship even some grown adults need some too. There is no shame in being mentored, because we don’t have all of the answers as we don’t have omnipresence and we don’t possess all wisdom throughout the Universe.

      The Knowledge of self is important. That means that we want to understand our innate human value. We have to develop our personal self-actualization. We have to realize our true history (which includes the civilizations of Nok, Kush, Ghana, Songhai, Axum, etc.). Once we do that, we won’t degrade each other, we will not curse each other out, we will not disrespect our phenotypes, and we will never hate each other. The dysfunction in our communities (from poverty, family problems, drug addictions, etc.) is a problem that we must address. It has to be solved in a strong, cooperative fashion. We should always teach our people that they have gifts and they are Beautiful. Too many white people and even some black people call even black people “ugly” when our blackness is beautiful.

      We have to listen too. One way to gain a resolution to our problems is for us to listen to the stories of black people suffering, going through an issue, or just talking about their everyday lives. Many Brothers and Sisters in this forum now are courageously telling their stories, so other black people can be inspired to be further blessed. In that sense, we can gain crucial insights into racial issues and enact strategies to combat injustices. Keep up the great work in what you’re doing Phazex.

  39. LBM says:

    “But if you must find a non-black female to validate yourself PLEASE DO NOT PARADE HER around in front of the young black females in your family and community circle. At least do that much. Join her community instead. Thank you.”

    PAM, I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Unfortunately one of the things we’re dealing with is that a lot of these types of black males are so freakin’ bent on taking their anger out on black females that they bring them into our environments very much on purpose. It will have to be another case of not allowing a person to feel comfortable doing wrong. I’d have to make that a teaching moment for the young girls in the family. Call his ass out…..I was recently told of a situation in which a young man slept with one of the few white females at an HBCU…really?

    • Alicia says:

      I believe it’s the society we live in as well, which is why it’s important that it starts in the home and why the points made in the initial post of this topic are so important. it starts with us. I believe that a lot of pressure ( and i have seen this) is put on black men and black boys to abandon black women. White society wants black women marginalized and I have no sons, but I believe that black women with sons they are rearing, or grand-sons or nephews need to make an effort to instill in them self-love and love and respect for black women. This also involves other black men teaching younger and fellow black men the importance of loving themselves (despite society).

      With racism in our society, black man-hood and black woman-hood is under attack constantly. This manifests itself in many ways. We need to treat each other better and heed to all the points made in the topic list of this blog.

      • Courtney H. says:

        @ Alicia:

        Here is a good video about what you mentioned:

        • Timothy says:

          Good Evening Sister Courtney,

          There is nothing wrong with black manhood and black womanhood. There are countless examples of the establishment hating on black people who speak their minds in a strong fashion. There is a double standard as the person in the video have said. He is right that white celebrities like Donald Trump, Bill O’Reilly, etc. have degraded people, criticized people in offensive terms, etc. but folks in mainstream society treat Kanye West as almost the worst celebrity on Earth.

          I agree with him on most of what he’s talking about. He seems to continue to call Kim Kardashian as not white. Kim Kardashian is white. White people can look olive in their skin complexion too. Armenians are Indo-Europeans. I don’t believe in being disrespectful to Kim Kardashian, but I don’t believe in seeing her as the total standard of beauty.

          He’s right on Dr. King opposing LBJ’s evil Vietnam war policy. The gist of the video is that we should continue to see the signs of the time, stand up for ourselves, be loyal to our black people, and act accordingly. The video shows information about many celebrities including musicians. The point is that the system of white supremacy is ruthless and cutthroat. What Joan Rivers said about First Michelle Obama was disrespectful and evil. Black men are not only suffering. Many Black women are suffering as well. So, we should express empathy and show compassion to black women as well. I see that he is defending Kanye. Black men and Black women deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. He’s right on rejecting white validation. We should not criticize a black person, because white society wants us to do it.

          Artists like Meyer (who disrespected black women) are giving passes by society, but other black celebrities are micro-analyzed all of the time. We, as black people, should condemn misandry and misogyny too. We have to know how the world works, so we can be better and do better. A black person, who is self-assured, strong, and confident is a threat to the system of white supremacy.

          That’s the truth.

        • Timothy says:

          P.S. I don’t agree with the man (Harvey) in saying profanity and other specific comments as well. Yet, I agree with him that we have every right to show our blackness without apology.

          • Courtney H. says:

            Yes, Brother, we have every right to show pride in our Blackness. I also agree about Harvey using so much profanity. I agree with him most of the time, but a lot of his language is graphic. 😐

    • I know a family friend that went to a HBCU for fours years. She came back to cali and ended up marrying a white guy. They were married for seven years and now she’s divorced with two biracial kids. Going to a HBCU doesn’t mean much in my opinion. It doesn’t make them anymore pro-black or conscious from what I’ve seen.

  40. Alicia says:

    Kishite , I disagree with one statement you made. There’s no ‘reply’ link under your posts so will post it here.

    You said “We are in a WAR with these folks. And sex is one of their greatest weapons against us. I also agree with you about how black women are perceived in the workplace. It’s a clear double standard. We really need to educate ourselves on the power dynamic in regards to race,gender and sex.”

    I disagree. They are at war with US. We black people are trying to live our lives. We are not at war with anyone. Individually and as a group, white supremacists ( whites, hispanics and any others who have latched on) are at war with us because they’re mentally ill!

    • reality_check says:

      That’s not quite how it works. When war has declared, then you are at war, regardless of who declared first. Just because we are not openly attacking them does not mean we can relax on the lawn chair, knowing that they are trying to kill us. That’s not how it works.

        • Alicia says:

          I disagree reality_check and kushite. We have people who are at war with us and HATEFUL because of something we can’t change. Someway that GOD made us. Our skin color and racial features. Black people are not at war with anyone based on race. We do need to think strategically though and work harder as a group to get out from under the foot of HATEFUL people because it’s been what.. oh just around 500 or more years!

          I as a black woman am not at war with ANYONE. I am a peaceful person and I stay away from HATEFUL people who need to bully or hurt others. From corporate america to my years in a heavily white college (strangely enough, my university was also heavily asian ( and black), but you wouldn’t know it looking back because East Asians are able to mind their own darn business and let people around them LIVE)!

          When I look at how things operate, I still say white supremacists are at war for us DAILY. From the uncomfortable, sexual way white supremacist men behave towards black men to the behavior of white racists onto black women ( treating us as if we should be and feel maligned, unwanted, set apart from everyone else), to racial discrimination, we are not at war with anyone!

          It’s like they’re always thinking about us, can’t leave us alone, have an instinctual psycho need to hurt us…it’s NOT us..it’s THEM and their sick minds. please don’t say black people are at war with anyone because we are not.

          It’s a one-sides psychotic-ness based on some perverse need to hate and hurt based on how a person looks.

          I’m sure several of you have called in either for a job interview or other and was in SHOCK as the white person on the other side of the call showed a sick ANGER and RAGE upon hearing your voice.

          They are at war with us and we are so weak and vulnerable which is the problem. There are so many millions of us from Latin America to the US to especially Africa yet we are under their foot. Vulnerable to their every hateful whim.

          Besides the mainstream news being NEGATIVE, I also stay away from it because it’s anti-black. I’m sure as a black person, going about your everyday life you have found yourself shocked to go to a new website or read an article that was so anti-black, so anti-africa, so pre-occupied with slandering africa or a black man or a black issue.

          We are living our lives, they are the warring, hateful ones.

          I seek to live a peaceful life and I get along with anyone, I’m COMFORTABLE around Asians, hispanics when they are open and friendly, different European groups, Arabs, ANYONE. I am not and black people are not at war with anyone.

          • reality_check says:

            You are getting caught up in semantics here. Again, if war has been declared on YOU, YOUR FAMILY, or YOUR PEOPLE, then you ARE indeed at war.

            For example, suppose the U.S. decides to invade Canada unprovoked. If this is the case, then the U.S. and Canada are at war, whether Canada wants to be or not. You think it would be a good idea for the Canadian government to say “we’re really not at war with anyone because we didn’t initiate the conflict with the U.S., so they actually are at war with US.”

            See the lunacy in that? Doesn’t matter what you want to call it, the truth of the matter is that if you are engaged in conflict then you’d better mobilize to protect yourself and to defeat your enemy, lest you be annihilated or enslaved.

            Same thing applies to blacks.

            • Alicia says:

              wording means ALOT. We are not at war with anyone. I also don’t like how people say, we’re so mighty that we “intimidate” whites. I hate it. Why? Because it’s not us, it’s THEIR problem. They have an issue, they ( the racist ones) are hateful and seek to hurt and destroy. We need to focus on US, not fighting them, but US, building ourselves up as a group so we are stronger and not vulnerable.

              I, and we, are not at war with anyone. We just want, despite whatever crazy, sick issues they have, to live our lives in peace. To not have people bloodthirsty after us because of our skin color.

              Wording says A LOT. We are not in any way with white people. We simply want their attacking to stop.

              War would mean that we chose to attack them back and hate them back and we are not so sick-minded. Life is too short to dedicate to putting energy into hating someone based merely on their skin color.

              We merely want to be left alone to live in peace, thrive as human beings.

              • Providence says:

                We may not be “at” war, but we are most certainly “in” it. Yes, wording is important.
                We didn’t declare war — but we are IN one. Ignoring it doesn’t make the war declared on us go away.

                – When a group of people are singled out to be brutally enslaved, treated worse than the beasts that roam this earth — we are in WAR.

                – When millions of primarily Black women and children are forced to trek thousands of miles across the desert sands of the Sahara, only for the surviving remnant to be raped, their resulting babies massacred and the male slaves butchered to death from castration, that is a WAR.

                – Take another 10s of millions of Black Africans crammed tighter than stuffing in a turkey, drenched in each other’s sweat, feces, urine, menses, and God only knows what else for MONTHS at a time, that is a WAR.

                – When the survivors of both slave trades are forced into life of brutal chattel slavery generation after generation, that is a WAR.

                – When a husband and wife and their babies are literally sold and their entire family broken apart on an auction block, that is a WAR.

                – When a man can’t protect his wife from being repeatedly raped by massa, his son, his brother, and all his friends, that is a WAR.

                – When a man, woman or even child has no assurance of life, full of fear, the threat of death hanging in the balance at every moment as a noose hangs from a tree, that is a WAR.

                – When a people try to etch out their own existence by starting and patronizing their OWN businesses (Rosewood, Black Wall Street), only to be attacked, killed and have their communities razed to the ground, that is a WAR.

                – When a people have to rally, march and protest to get the attention of the world to be treated like a human being and not 3/5’s of one, only to be met with firehoses, clubs, beatings, jailings, german shepherds, harassment, bombings and assassinations, that is a WAR.

                – When drugs and guns ‘suddenly’ turn up in the Black community, slowly turning these once solid Black homesteads, which was our only respite to rejuvenate, plan and organize, into warzones where we’re now in chronic fear and ironically systematically eliminating each other, that is a WAR.

                – When 80% of planned parenthood is only in the ‘hood’ — and the #1 killer in the Black community is NOT HIV, homicide, accidents, cancer, diabetes, or heart disease, but more than all combined is ABORTION, that is a WAR.

                – When Black people who used to sing (and rap) meaningful music, now sell us bitches and bling, and busting a quick nut (and we wonder why our youth is so messed up), that is a WAR.

                – When time after time, cops and vigilantes are rewarded for mercilessly gunning down innocent Black men, women and children, that is a WAR.

                – When we can out-sing, out-church, out-praise ,out-worship and out-dance everyone on this planet put together, yet somehow we still remain the TAIL and not the HEAD, that is a WAR.

                – When Reagan can give the Japanese reparations for their mistreatment during the WWII internment camps, so-called ‘Native Americans’ can get reparations and tax breaks for their mistreatment, the so-called ‘Jews’ can get reparations for the Holocaust, but the descendants of the worst slave trade this world has ever known, the terrorism era of Reconstruction, impoverished sharecroppers, and Jim Crow can’t even get so much as an apology, that is a WAR.

    • I see what you’re saying Alicia. Maybe I should rephrase it then. Maybe it should be called a slaughter instead. Since it doesn’t look like we’re fighting back very much.

      • Alicia says:

        You can’t fight a madness like hate based upon race. The one thing we can do which this topic addresses is change how WE operate. Change what we do. Now that we have opportunities, we need to start businesses that can grow and employ black people, be more united in order to help our communities, be more family-oriented, work on our problems so we are not so vulnerable to outside hate.Make sure 90% or more of those eligible to vote DO VOTE!, take care of ourselves health-wise, financially.

  41. Phazex says:

    Timothy, thanks for your vote of support. However, what attracts and hold the attention of those behind us is bigger than you or me. Most people (not all) are not independent thinkers for one,Two, we have SOME horrible role models that have a disconnect with their own people and the list goes on. Last thing, stay AWAY from the “idiot box (TV). It is a start.

    Let us hope that others will jump aboard the wagon and offer pro-active solutions for US. All the in-fighting MUST stop. THAT is the real culprit at work here for when you know better? You do better.

    • Timothy says:

      Reach one, teach one is lesson to learn as shown by your comments Phazex. You’re right that the infighting must end. We have to look at the larger goal, which is biggest than us as people. The big goal is the total liberation of black people throughout the Earth (as a black person in Paris has as much value as a black person from America). Eliminating TV watching can work wonders to increase the human attention span, focus on helping our neighbors more readily, and eliminating unwarranted distractions. There are people with lax character calling themselves “role models,” but real role models include people like Malcolm X, Sojourner Truth, and our strong relatives too. Many role models are unsung.

      We have to improve ourselves and others around us.

  42. Alicia says:

    I still disagree. I am not at war with anyone. LIke TD Jakes says “stay out of the ring” and I think that is what black people are doing. We merely want to live our lives. We are not engaged in any war, it’s white supremacists who are sick in the head and sick in their behavior.

    War brings about feelings of anger, fear and so on. I merely want to LIVE my life, like all blacks. Let that anger and hate and fear stay with the white supremacists, not us. We need to clear our heads, think UNITED, think POSITIVE and build ourselves up since we know after so many hundreds of years what white supremacists not only think of us, but most importantly what they want to do to us.

    God created different people. Short, Tall, Chinese, African, Indian, White, skinny, tall, and so on. Most blacks are pretty accepting. I don’t feel uncomfortable around any nationality or race or person based merely on how they look. we shouldn’t get wrapped up in an angry, war mentality but like this topic says. BE SMART AND FOCUS ON OURSELVES.

    I am, moreover, NOT engaged in any war, and most black people aren’t either. we merely are trying to live our lives. We are, however, VULNERABLE, to those who are mentally ILL and in a one-sided war with people(s) based on their skin being dark and features being different from theirs.

    It’s sick but it’s been 500+ years..what are we gonna do?

    I say the post in the main post says it all. WORK ON OURSELVES!

    What issues do we have that make us vulnerable?

    That’s what i’m concerned with.

    • Providence says:

      That’s fine, we can agree to disagree. But I want to make it 100% clear that I never said we (Blacks) are “AT” war with anyone. We are “IN”, (not “AT”) “IN” a war. Big difference. I recall you saying wording means ALOT. Well, you’re disagreeing to words I never mentioned. I’ll repeat for the second time:

      As a collective, we are not “AT” war with anyone (as you’ve emphatically stated)

      However, we are “IN, IN, IN” a war. <—– If you disagree with this statement, I'd be curious to know why.

      The only point I can agree with you on is that we are not "AT" war. That's only because the majority of Black people refuse to:

      – first ACKNOWLEDGE there IS a war going on
      – they are the #1 TARGET of said war
      – subsequently ENGAGE the enemy

      Once a Black person does these 3 actions, they are in effect "AT" WAR and no longer just passively existing "IN" it. I can tell you personally that I am "AT" WAR. I gravitate to similar people and they to me, because they know its open season on us and our families, and are NOT AFRAID TO ENGAGE THE ENEMY AND FIGHT BACK. Whether it be through limiting our contact with mainstream media and reading more books, exploring our cultural identity, or just engaging with like-minded people on platforms like this, we recognize white supremacy for what it is, and are actively engaged in fighting back.

      What's that riddle with the frog in the pot of boiling water? Just because the frog doesn't react to the boiling water around him and jump out of the pot, doesn't mean he's not gonna end up being someone's dinner. He must first ACKNOWLEDGE he's on fire, realize he's the TARGET (about to become tasty frog legs), and then finally ENGAGE or take action (JUMP)!!!

      By the way, there is nothing and I mean NOTHING wrong with being angry. Our greatest leaders and visionaries were revolutionary and dynamic in change b/c they were ANGRY. Did they shoot up schools, beat their wives or kids, or do drive-byes? No. But they had RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION and they channeled that energy into invoking CHANGE.

      Oh, and God didn't create ALL people — yes, I'm a stickler for semantics. He created ONE man and ONE woman. Everyone else came through that ONE man and ONE woman. Not to say anyone is better than anyone else. Just wanted to make that clear.

      • Alicia says:

        ok, I’m clear on what you’re saying. I think it was another poster actually who was actually saying we were ‘at’ war which I was disagreeing with. I get what you are saying in your post though.

        I find myself angry when I have to deal with white racist behavior which is why at my age now I just don’t have the patience for it anymore. I avoid mainstream new like the plague ( it’s overly negative period), and I try to limit my time in heavily white areas.

        Life is so short that I do not like the emotion of ‘anger’ or any other stress emotion. I’m at this point in trying to give it all to GOD and work on myself and I realize given what we face we as black people we need to work harder on improving ourselves and strengthening ourselves since we have people who want to battle us and hold a strange hate and rage for us in their hearts ( not all whites of course but a lot, and white supremacists of other stripes like mixed-race hispanics and others).

        I understand though that fighting back is important, I guess it’s just not my personality to do it. At this point in my life I want to just avoid it.

        It’s the reason why to me our civil rights leaders and those who stand up and dedicate their time and lives to us are so very important to us.

      • Very very well said! You nailed it brother!

        “As a collective, we are not “AT” war with anyone (as you’ve emphatically stated)

        However, we are “IN, IN, IN” a war. <—– If you disagree with this statement, I'd be curious to know why.

        The only point I can agree with you on is that we are not "AT" war. That's only because the majority of Black people refuse to:

        – first ACKNOWLEDGE there IS a war going on
        – they are the #1 TARGET of said war
        – subsequently ENGAGE the enemy

        Once a Black person does these 3 actions, they are in effect "AT" WAR and no longer just passively existing "IN" it. I can tell you personally that I am "AT" WAR. I gravitate to similar people and they to me, because they know its open season on us and our families, and are NOT AFRAID TO ENGAGE THE ENEMY AND FIGHT BACK. Whether it be through limiting our contact with mainstream media and reading more books, exploring our cultural identity, or just engaging with like-minded people on platforms like this, we recognize white supremacy for what it is, and are actively engaged in fighting back."

        I can not disagree with any of these FACTS! This was on point from start to finish!

  43. Courtney H. says:

    Here is a video about what happens when Black men in college start messing around with White girls. Be forewarned — Harvey uses a lot of profanity and sexually graphic language.

    • Timothy says:

      I read this story recently.

      It’s a wild story indeed.

      Sister Trojan Pam abhors how religious places are being used as casinos instead of enriching the cultural, social well being of black people.

      People like Creflo Dollar, Osteen, Murdoch, and others believe in the heresy called Prosperity Gospel. Even when I was a teenager, I disagreed with the Prosperity gospel movement as advanced by numerous megachurches. The truth is that spirituality is not defined by money. It is defined by human character and the human soul. All people are created equal irrespective of class, gender, or background.

      Some pastors embrace capitalistic greed instead of social justice. To their credit, Dr. King, Malcolm X, Howard Thurman, Vernon Johns, and others wanted black people to be concerned with the needs of the community, they wanted black people to love one another, and they wanted people to be concerned with the social parts of society (not with monetary greed). Many of these megachurches exist where poverty is massively found in the black community. With the condition of our people, it is blatantly offensive for Dollar to seek a jet. He should be seeking for the fight against poverty, the fight for economic justice, and the fight against racial oppression overtly.

      • Courtney H. says:

        Good afternoon, Brother Timothy. 🙂

        I agree with everything that you said. My sister and I were discussing this today. These people are not preachers — they are pimps. They are just as bad as the guys on **Preachers of L.A.** (I have not seen **Preachers of Detroit** yet, so I do not know if the ones on this show are just as bad.) One of the ministers at our church said that the L.A. Preachers are **preachers preaching without the Bible.**

        Several people commenters on Clutchmag voiced your sentiment that Creflo Dollar*s church is located in a neighborhood with a lot of poverty. He obviously is not doing anything to help the people in that community. He is obviously busy helping himself. I understand that he demands that new members bring their W2 forms. A real church does not demand that of their parishioners.

        • Timothy says:

          Good Afternoon Sister Courtney. 🙂

          I agree with all of your words as well. The Preachers of L.A. show have stirred debate among religious people and non-religious people alike. Also, we have to use discernment to praise religious leaders sincerely helping others while disagreeing with religious leaders who are only after money, greed, and other materialistic designs.

          God gave us a mind and a soul. We should use it to help others.

  44. Courtney H. says:

    Any thoughts about this?

    • Timothy says:

      Thank you for showing the video Sister.

      First, I will show where I agree with the video on and later I will show where I disagree with the video on He’s right that there should be a stronger outrage over this incident. There is no excuse for a group of people to assault an innocent teenage girl named Ariana Taylor. There should be the promotion of honor, dignity, and integrity in our community as black people. The people involved in the violence against the teen ought to be prosecuted. This issue is different than stop and frisk. Stop and frisk involved people being illegally searched randomly in the streets of America. This situation involved a victim being brutally assaulted by numerous females. There should be massive improvements in our community. This improvement deals with not only cultural development, but political including economic growth. The problems in our communities deal with complex factors. There were the attacks in our communities via the War on Drugs, gentrification, attacks on our families, deindustrialization, poverty, other socioeconomic issues, and other issues. Many people glamorize the same materialist, consumerist, and selfish capitalist culture which is loved by the establishment. The modern day capitalist culture has promoted cultural poison. He is right that things must change. We shouldn’t be an oppressive theocracy, but we should prevent such incidents from taking place. Parents must always show real discipline to children. This discipline should not involve beating on children violently. It was wrong for slave owners to beat black people over a century and it was wrong for Adrian Peterson to beat his own child in an excessive manner too. There must be a promotion of manhood and womanhood in society.

      We have to both improve our actions in our communities and confront the power structure oppressing us.

      Here what I disagree with him on. Much of his rhetoric is misogynistic.

      The truth is that many black women have been leaders in the black community long before the modern feminist movement existed in America. There was Queen Nzinga, the Candaces of Nubia, Ida B. Wells, and other Sisters who acted as great leaders. There is nothing wrong with men and women acting as leaders. The problem is when someone acts in contrary to the interests and the aspirations of black people. That’s the problem. Black women shouldn’t be treated as second class citizens. Therefore, we should condemn the act as evil. We should fight for morality in our community, but we shouldn’t use this incident as an excuse to call black women out of their names, use slurs, and to make disrespectful comments about the black poor. There is nothing wrong with fathers and mothers disciplining children. Also, he is wrong to assume that Sisters haven’t talked about this issue. Many Sisters have talked about this issue. Also, some black men don’t carry themselves right. There are black people among both genders who need to clean up their act. His use of the B word is highly inappropriate. His disrespect of Sister Goldie Taylor (who was a victim of domestic violence ironically) is highly disrespectful and wrong.

      Black women are not the laughing stock of the world. Black women are the Mothers of civilization. Self-hating black people are the laughing stock. Brothers and Sisters in that incident should have broken it up. There were numerous people in the store. Not to mention that teen pregnant rates have declined. Many of his words sound like conservative talking points. He tries to minimize the mistakes of some black males while maximizing his blame on some black women. Yes, many of people might of suffered violence in the process of breaking it up, but breaking it up would have caused less injuries to Ariana. That’s better than allowing a black Sister to be hurt more. I don’t even believe that feminism has to do with this violent episode. It has to do with evil people assaulting an incident black girl. No one said that discipline should be gone. Also, welfare has been massively cut via austerity. Responsibility is a two way street. We have the responsibility to do what is right, but the white supremacists should be defeated. We have to sacrifice for our freedom.

      • Shanequa says:

        @ Timothy
        I agree with your statement about the video of Harvey. I have seen several of his videos but agree & disagree about statements in his videos. I glad you stated “He tries to minimize the mistakes of some black males while maximizing his blame on some black women.” I notice he does this in several of his videos. In one of his videos he made a statement about the reason why black men leave black women for non black women is because of our behavior, or how sister are now experience racism but be annoying what black men have been telling them for years. First of all BLACK women have always experience racism. Second interracial dating still hasn’t help black men with there oppression. Sometimes I feel he has a problem with black women and put the blame on us then the root cause white supremacy. On top of that he does give misinforming information.

        Thank you, for this statement, “Black women are not the laughing stock of the world. Black women are the Mothers of civilization. Self-hating black people are the laughing stock.” I’m so sick of tired of hearing Negro men not Black African Men stating black women are the lowest women of the planet, we have low standards and etc., what effects black women will effect black men too.

        I notice that some of these suppose to be conscious black men have a problem with black women. I stop talking to a suppose to be conscious black man because he has deep issues with black women, on top of that he was a Tommy Sotomayor fan. He blame black women for the problems in the black community. He even told me he was bias when it came to black women’s opinion. When I stopped talking to him he kept calling my phone & texting me when I didn’t response for two months. Calling my phone an letting the phone ring for minutes until he hang up with no response. He left me text & voice messages telling me to “fuck my life & health, I’m not calling you no more, you claim to be a virgin but you suck two different men dicks go back to sucking dick, I’m erasing your number and etc. Then six months later he text me to ask “how I was doing.” This wasn’t the first incident that this has happen with him toward me. The first time I annoy all his calls but I got tired then response to him he said ” I was acting like a bitch for avoiding his call.” Then he stated “you’re not a bitch but acting like one.” Every since this incident I have been very careful in the men I talk too. I was even afraid.

        • Timothy says:

          Hello Sister Shanequa,

          Thank you for your words.

          First, I’m sorry that you were disrespected by a faux conscious “male” not man. A real man would never text you in such vulgar terms at all. A real man can easily handle rejection by moving on with his life peacefully without outlining profane language and without showing disrespect. Yes, some (not all) “conscious” males do show misogynistic rhetoric as a means for them to promote some Eurocentric, authoritarian agenda (on gender and relationships in general. Historically, women and men have been leaders in Africa for thousands of years). There are many Sisters who are womanists (who don’t even call themselves feminists) and these Sisters are still demonized unfairly. That should change. More black men and more black women are speaking up about this issue too. More Brothers and more Sisters are opposing sexist comments. Tommy Sotomayor is a million times worse than Harvey in my opinion. Tommy curses more than Harvey. Tommy has made hugely inappropriate comments about black women and black people in general. Tommy has cursed while his daughter was present near him. I can’t see how anyone conscious can be a fan of Tommy Sotomayor. We have the right to agree and disagree with Harvey on various issues. We have our own minds and our own right to live our lives. All black people have the right to their own human autonomy. Some black men leave black women for nonblack women because those men’s voluntary decisions (not because of black women). Many black men involved in IRs have self hatred, insecurities, etc. Both black men and black women have suffered racism and oppression.

          We are in this together, but we have to realize that black women not only suffer racism, but they suffer sexism too. Sexism is an evil that must be defeated if we are to be free. Some folks want to say that black men are more oppressed than black women, but that falsehood omits the real issue. The real issue is that we are all oppressed regardless of our gender and we have to eliminate the gender war distraction and establish some solutions here as one people. The value of black fathers and black mothers always should be honored and cherished. Black men, who are upright, doing what is right, and are strong should be respected. Yes, interracial dating has not stopped oppression against black men. Interracial relationships can never solve all of our problems at all as black people. If we want to be free, then we have to use own our power to solve our problems via self-determination, community building, learning from our elders, developing our families, and respecting our neighbors. We don’t hate Harvey and Sotomayor.

          At the end of the day, we want our people to prosper. Yet, we should always disagree with the misogynistic rhetoric displayed by Harvey and Sotomayor. We want white supremacy to end, but we have to listen to stories and a diversity of values as a means for us to fight back against evil. The root cause of white supremacy is not black women. Black women never caused the Maafa, the War on Drugs, Jim Crow, the prison industrial complex, and other evil systems of oppression against us as black people. The root is an evil oligarchy oppressing our communities. Black men and Black women are the fathers and mothers of human civilization. We have to fight poverty, racism, militarism, and materialism. Black women have every right to advocate the best in black men and to achieve her dreams. Well, Sister, you have the right to be safe and I’m sorry for that sick man cursing at you via his text messages.

          One thing that we need in our community deals with treating each other with respect. We have to respect each other. Brothers and Sisters need to work together.

          Goodnight Sister.

        • Courtney H. says:

          @ Timothy & Shanequa:

          Thank you for your responses to the Harvey video. I agree with everything that both of you stated. Racism is the real problem that both Black men and Black women are facing. Instead of fighting each other, we should be fight white supremacy. Sister Trojan Pam has stated, however, that instead of blaming racist White for their problems, many Black men will blame Black women for their problems and all the problems in the Black community. This is one of the reasons why we as Black people have problems getting our act together.

          Harvey is right about some things, but his views on Black women are very misogynistic. Unfortunately, he is far from the only so-called conscious Black man who has a problem with Black women. Shanequa, you mentioned Tommy Sotomayor. I read somewhere that Sotomayor owes a ton of money in child support, yet he calls Black women irresponsible. Tariq Nasheed, Big B Kel the Great (Timothy, you watched his wretched **Beware Massa*s Bedwench** video, remember? Yuck!), and Jason Black. All these Black men claim to be oh-so-pro-Black, but they always slam Black women. It is like they actually hate Black women.

          Shanequa, I am sorry that you were treated so poorly by this so-called conscious Black man. His behavior was foolish and threatening. He was upset because you decided that you did not want to have anything to do with him because of his misogyny. We all need to stay away from toxic people. Hateful people are toxic. I hope that you are no longer in contact with him, and that you stay safe.

          Thank you so much for telling your story. 🙂

      • Sharon53 says:

        Hi Timothy; this makes my 3rd time trying to respond to your comments.
        I just wanted to comment and thank you for your statement when you said:
        “The truth is that many black women have been leaders in the black community long before the modern feminist movement existed in America.” That is so true.

        However, even in America, if you look at the news footage during the 1960s, you will see black women marching BESIDE black men for the betterment of people. Black women often took the backseat while the black men were more out front but they were beaten, fire-hosed, bitten by police dogs, spit on, called the N word just like the black men. Harriet Tubman is another example, who risked her life to get us to freedom, not to mention all those others who are unknown who resisted the slavemaster also.
        Thank you for speaking out against the misogynism that is so pervasive among many black men. Sadly, this mindset was picked up from the slave-master and it appears to have become epidemic with black men after desegregation in the south in the late 60s and early 70s. I grew up during this era so I know what my experiences and observations have taught me. In fact, I believe this is what has led to some black men becoming serial killers. If there were black male serial killers back then, I never heard of them.

        I was not familiar with this Harvey person until I started listening to his videos in this blog. I am not sure how old he is but if I am not mistaken I believe he made some kind of statement that black feminism in the 1980s created a lot of the problems in the black community. Brothers were making this same statement before the 1980s. They started that back in the early 70s and the crazy part is most black women were still very traditional at that time. All we wanted to do was to get married and start families and to be honest with you I never knew any black feminist. I thought that was something for white women anyway. If there were any black women marching and burning bras for feminism I personally never saw that back in the day.

        It was not like it is now wherein so many black women have homes and cars. At that time, we still lived at home with our parents and we depended mostly on public transportation or our families or boyfriends to give us a ride. One of the things that may have caused things to go tail-spinning out of control is that back then they began to do news programs about the problems that feminism was causing in white relationships and somehow black men would watch this stuff and start getting upset and making comments when this stuff was really for whites and not blacks. This shows how TV can influence people and over-rule their reality.

        A lot of talk was also going on back then about how black women does not experience racism and how the white man will give black women a job and not them. That was not entirely true because there were some jobs for black men and even if it was true, why are some black men making black women the enemy? Could it be because they are afraid to divert their frustration elsewhere so they beat up on someone who is just as marginalized as they are? Black women can’t control who hire who because we don’t own large corporations to employ people. One thing to note is that back then most jobs were gender-defined, i.e., there were jobs women did and jobs men did. Today because of technology, jobs are not as gender-defined. For instance, back then, men just did not type so a man would not have been caught dead behind a typewriter unless he was gay. Today with the computer and keyboard, men can now out-type women.
        I also believe that when white women became more vocal about feminism and white men started getting upset about it, whites’ relationships started becoming more chaotic. And just like everything that affects whites, it affects blacks twice as much and this chaos spilled over into black men/women relationships.
        It may have something to do with black women working outside the home but we have always had to do that since we were brought to this country as slaves. Maybe some black men’s circuits have gotten criss-crossed and they have forgotten about all that and decided after all that black women should not work outside the home, as if we have a choice. And you know the strange thing is, some black men don’t care about the woman working anyway, they just don’t want her having her own money, especially if she is making more than he is. It comes down to another thing that keeps us in bondage, and that is being in love with that almighty powerful dollar bill.
        My comments are not to blast black men but to voice my opinion about my experiences and observations. Both black men and black women need to take a strong look at how we both personally and collectively contribute to our own victimization.

    • Timothy says:

      This article is great.

      Dr. Fred Richardson should be respected and praised for his actions of helping human beings. He is a Brother who is not only helping others, but he is contributing to society in other great ways. He has mentored minority students as well. Medicine is one of the greatest parts of civilization. Certainly, we have to learn about relevant, accurate information on health and medicine as a means for us to bless our community as black people. Also, medicine and doctors have existed in Africa for thousands of years.

      Thank you Sister Courtney for showing this article. This article shows that tons of black men are helping out their own communities and black people in general have a strong, revolutionary spirit.

    • Mariama says:


      Thank you for this post! It is so refreshing and inspriring to know that there are “successful” blacks who care about their people and give back. Of course most of us dont know about him because he is not a celebrity or in the media’s eye. May the Lord bless his works and good deeds.

      • Courtney H. says:

        @ Timothy & Mariama:

        You are welcome. I really like reading articles like these because they are positive and they do show that there are successful Black people out there who are giving back to our community. These are the people — not the celebrities — who should be our and our children*s role models. Reading articles like these put a smile on my face. 🙂

        • Mariama says:


          You are welcome! I agree with you 100%.

        • Timothy says:

          Good Afternoon Sister Courtney:)

          Thank you for your words.

          You’re exactly right. We should focus more on people giving back to our communities and not place an undue pedestal on celebrities. Children should look up to people like the doctor who is helping save lives literally. Reading stories like the one that you have outlined does give people great inspiration. 🙂

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